AITAH for snapping at my fiancé's daughter after she called me a "gold digger with a uterus"?

I (32F) have been with my fiancé (38M) for almost four years. His daughter (15F) recently insulted me at a family dinner, and now my fiancé and his family are divided over whether I overreacted.

His daughter’s mom is very present but not particularly hands-on; I handle school stuff, doctor’s appointments, meals, and emotional support like helping her through panic attacks. I’ve never tried to replace her mom, but I have been a consistent, caring adult in her life, even planning her last birthday when her mom forgot.

At a fancy family dinner, his daughter called me a "gold digger with a uterus." I responded by calmly stating I’m not her mom and highlighting the ways I support her life while her mom is absent. The reaction was immediate—tears, storming out, and a family divided.

My fiancé thought I “stooped to her level” and told me to apologize, saying she’s just repeating what she hears. I explained I’ve spent years being disrespected and taking the high road, and that perhaps a 15-year-old shouldn’t believe they can say things like that without consequences.

"Oh, honey... I'm not your mom. I just happen to be the woman keeping your life together while she's out getting her chakras aligned."

The family is split—some think I was too harsh, others say I finally voiced what no one else would.

"Maybe the real problem is that a 15-year-old thinks she can say things like that and not get clapped back at."

I feel I defended myself and set boundaries, but I also recognize it was an emotional, high-stakes moment for everyone involved.

🏠 The Aftermath

My fiancé’s daughter stormed out and was upset, while he is mortified and expecting an apology. Family members are divided, debating whether I overreacted or finally voiced a needed boundary.

At home: tension remains high. I continue supporting his daughter and maintaining boundaries, balancing care with setting limits on disrespect.

Consequences include strained family dynamics and ongoing discussion about respect, maturity, and how to handle adolescent insults in blended families.

"I just sat there stunned for a second and said, ‘Oh, honey... I'm not your mom.’"

It’s a tense situation that highlights the challenges of step-parenting and adolescent behavior.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t about replacing a parent but about respect, boundaries, and adolescent behavior in blended families. I’ve tried to be a consistent, caring figure, and I won’t be disrespected without a response.

Some may feel I should have taken the high road, while others recognize the need to set boundaries when verbal abuse is involved. The incident emphasizes the challenges of step-parenting, adolescence, and family dynamics.

Reasonable people may disagree: some prioritize patience and apology; others prioritize defending oneself and teaching accountability, even to a teen.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You’ve been a consistent, caring adult. Calling you a gold digger is disrespectful—your response was justified.”

“It’s harsh, but sometimes teens need boundaries. This may teach her that words have consequences.”

“Maybe a gentler approach could have preserved peace at dinner, but I understand why you stood up for yourself.”

The reactions reflect a split between protecting the teen’s feelings and enforcing respect and accountability in a blended family.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Step-parenting can be emotionally complex, especially when a teenager lashes out with insults. Setting boundaries while showing care is a delicate balance.

I acted to protect myself and maintain respect in my relationship with his daughter. Some see this as too harsh, others as overdue honesty.

What do you think?
Would you have responded the same way, or tried to take the high road? Share your thoughts below 👇