AITA for making a gender-reveal cake completely grey after my sister never gave me the gender?

I (23M) bake as a hobby and was asked to make my sister’s gender reveal cake, but she never sent the gender details — so I made a neutral grey cake and now the family says I embarrassed them.

I bake as a hobby (I even do paid gigs for events) and agreed to make a gender-reveal cake for my pregnant sister. I asked her to send the filling color so I could prep blue or pink, but she insisted she wanted to be surprised too and said someone else would email me the info. That email never arrived. With the deadline approaching and no confirmation, I made the cake neutral: grey inside, grey outside, with little fondant clouds — tasted fine, looked like cement. At the reveal, my sister was furious, my mom said I embarrassed the family, and relatives murmured about how I should've "tried harder."

I bake for weddings and showers — my sister asked for a surprise gender reveal cake but never provided the gender, so I made a neutral grey cake and now she says I was passive-aggressive and embarrassed her.

I asked my sister to send the gender color so I could prepare the filling and interior — classic pink or blue. She told me she wanted to be surprised and that someone else would email me the details. That email never arrived, and the deadline came up. I couldn’t reasonably guess blue or pink for someone’s baby cake, so I made a deliberately neutral design: grey sponge, grey buttercream, little fondant clouds. It tasted fine but looked like cement, and the room reacted awkwardly when it was cut open.

"You want a gender reveal cake with no gender revealed? I had no data to work with."

When my sister saw the grey interior she pulled me aside and accused me of being passive-aggressive. Her husband looked confused and guests murmured. My mom told me I embarrassed the family and said I should have "tried harder." I explained I followed up a couple days before the event and she told me someone else was handling it, so I assumed it was taken care of and didn’t want to pester her.

"I asked again a few days before and was told 'someone's taking care of it' — I thought it was handled."

Now my sister thinks I made a statement, my mom thinks I embarrassed her, and I’m left thinking I did the most literal thing possible when I had no instruction. I wasn’t trying to be petty; I didn’t want to guess or swap fillings last minute on someone’s special cake.

🏠 The Aftermath

On reveal day the cake was cut and the grey interior surprised everyone — not with a gender but with the aesthetic. My sister was upset and confronted me privately; my mom told me I embarrassed the family. Conversation at the party felt awkward after the cut.

At home: tension with my sister and a lecture from my mom about expectations and appearances. Among relatives: mixed reactions — some thought it was funny or harmless, others felt it made the event less celebratory.

Consequences include chilled relations for now, my sister sulking for a bit, and me rethinking how I confirm details for paid or family orders moving forward.

"I made the cake neutral because I literally didn't have the gender — I wasn't trying to be passive-aggressive."

I enjoy baking and want to do right by people, but this felt like a communication failure more than a deliberate slight. The cake did its job as cake, but it didn't deliver the expected moment.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is less about artistic choices and more about assumptions and communication. I asked for the needed info and followed up; when the confirmation never arrived I made a safe, neutral choice rather than guessing. The upset reaction shows how much weight people place on ritual moments and how quickly a missed detail can feel like a personal slight.

Could I have called again or pushed harder? Maybe — I didn’t want to badger my pregnant sister when she seemed relaxed about it. Could she have ensured the info actually reached me? Yes. The mismatch between expectations and confirmation created the whole problem.

Reasonable people may disagree: some will say a baker should anticipate and ask repeatedly; others will argue the client (or their delegate) should be responsible for giving key details for a commissioned item.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You asked and followed up — making it neutral when you had no instruction was fair.”

“It was a moment to be careful about—maybe one more quick message the morning of could’ve avoided this.”

“If it was a paid gig or agreed job, client responsibility; if it was family, a little extra effort might have saved feelings.”

Reactions split between defending the baker’s reasonable stance and wishing for clearer confirmation — common themes are responsibility, communication, and how much emotional labor family events require.

🌱 Final Thoughts

The cake was neutral because I had no gender info: I chose the most literal, low-risk option rather than guessing and potentially ruining the reveal. It wasn’t meant as a statement, but it became one because of a missed detail and unmet expectations.

Going forward I’ll confirm key details more aggressively for commissions and family orders, especially where a single missing fact changes the whole point of the event.

What do you think?
Would you have pushed harder to get the gender, guessed and hoped for the best, or done the exact same neutral cake to avoid guessing? Share your thoughts below 👇