AITA for refusing to let my ex take our kids out of school for a “healing trip” with the woman he cheated on me with?

My ex and my former best friend—now his wife—want my kids to miss school for a week to support her after her tenth miscarriage. When I refused, he said I lacked “human decency” and might push her to self-harm.

I share two kids (both under 12) with my ex-husband. We divorced five years ago after I discovered he and my then–best friend were having an affair. They wanted to apologize and patch things up, but the damage was unrecoverable. I hated them both for what they did, but for the sake of my children, I made a conscious decision to stay civil. I have never told my kids the truth, never badmouthed either of them, and never let my bitterness bleed onto them. They already struggled through the divorce and required therapy for lingering adjustment issues. My ex immediately moved in with the woman he cheated with, and that disruption made things harder for the kids. Still, my priority has always been their well-being, not my resentment. Eventually the two married and tried to have children, but she suffered miscarriage after miscarriage. In December, she had her tenth. It required emergency surgery and left her unable to get pregnant again. My ex called me from the hospital and insisted I bring the kids to sit with him and “wait until she was ready to go home.” It was my parenting time, and I refused. He tried to guilt me by saying he'd get the kids to beg me, but I shut that down.

I stayed civil for years — but I won’t let my children be their emotional support animals, and now they’re calling me heartless for protecting the kids.

My ex skipped his parenting week entirely to stay at the hospital with her. When they finally took the kids again afterward, the tension was thick. He was furious I didn’t bring the kids to sit vigil — as if two children under 12 should be waiting around a hospital for a woman who betrayed their family. Now he’s pushing something even more inappropriate. He booked a “healing getaway” for himself and his wife and expects the kids to come along “to help her recover emotionally.” The trip falls during my parenting week and a school week. He wants to take them anyway and said he might keep them out of school for the whole thing because “she needs them.”

"The kids are not their emotional support. They are children who deserve stability, not grief camp."

I refused. I told him therapy is for grief — not using our children as emotional crutches. I also refused to give up my week or allow the kids to miss extended school. He argued he should get a “makeup” week because he missed the last one, but our parenting plan states that if a parent voluntarily skips their time without a mutual agreement, they forfeit makeup time. When I pointed that out, he accused me of lacking “human decency,” said school wasn’t “more important than family,” and went so far as to ask how I’d feel if his wife harmed herself and it was “partly my fault.”

"I told him I would feel nothing. They lost that right when they betrayed me."

He is pushing hard, trying guilt trips and emotional manipulation. I may have been harsh in tone, but I stand by protecting my children from being forced into an adult’s grief process. Still, part of me wonders if my cold response makes me the villain here.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, my ex is furious, his wife is devastated, and his family is pressuring me to “be more compassionate.” Meanwhile, my kids are stable, safe, and attending school while their father keeps trying to drag them into something they cannot fix. He skipped his last week with them, he is threatening to emotionally guilt-trip them, and I’m the one stuck holding boundaries.

At his house: grief, tension, and a clear expectation that the kids should help emotionally support adults. At mine: routine, therapy, and stability — the things children actually need in difficult situations.

The consequences now include co-parenting conflict, escalating manipulation from my ex, and the realization that his wife’s grief is being weaponized to pressure our children into caretaking roles they are far too young for.

"My children are not therapy tools for adults — not even their father."

I know my response was blunt, but every boundary I’ve held has been to protect my kids’ emotional well-being, not to punish their father or his wife.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t about revenge, vindictiveness, or the past — it’s about boundaries and child welfare. Your children are not responsible for healing the adults who betrayed the family. Your ex is deep in grief, but grief doesn’t entitle him to rewrite custody schedules, disrupt school, or use the children as emotional supports. His comment about self-harm was manipulative and deeply inappropriate.

Could your delivery have been harsh? Yes. But your core reasoning is sound: kids need routine, school, safety, and separation from adult emotional burdens. You were the only adult prioritizing their needs instead of their own pain.

Reasonable people may feel sympathy for his wife — ten miscarriages and infertility are heartbreaking — but sympathy doesn’t override boundaries, parenting plans, or children’s emotional safety.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Your kids aren’t emotional support animals. Their grief doesn’t trump your children’s needs.”

“Skipping an entire parenting week and then demanding three in a row? Absolutely not.”

“His self-harm comment was manipulation. Stick to the parenting plan and protect your kids.”

Most reactions will emphasize the need for boundaries, the importance of routine for children, and the problematic way your ex is pushing his emotional needs onto them.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You are not the villain for refusing to sacrifice your children’s stability for your ex’s grief. You held the line when he tried emotional manipulation, guilt, and pressure. Even if your tone was sharp, your priorities are correct.

The healing your ex and his wife need must come from therapy, time, and professional support — not from leaning on children who are still navigating their own wounds.

What do you think?
Should OP compromise out of sympathy, or keep firm boundaries to protect the kids from emotional parentification? Share your thoughts below 👇