AITA for refusing to homeschool my kids or let my ex’s new wife homeschool them?

My ex-husband’s new wife wants me to pull my kids out of public school so she can homeschool them with her own — all because her kids feel “jealous” — and now they’re accusing me of ruining the blended family.

I (31F) have two kids (9M and 8F) with my ex-husband Aaron (35M). We divorced after he cheated and immediately moved in with Nicole (34F) and her four kids. They now have a toddler together and another baby on the way. Nicole has always homeschooled her children; mine attend public school and love it. She says it’s “unfair” that her kids see mine going to school while hers stay home, and claims it’s causing chaos and jealousy. Aaron backed her up. They’ve asked me to homeschool, then tried to get my kids to agree to it, and finally suggested Nicole homeschool my children herself — all of which I refused. The kids told me they want to stay in public school, and I reassured them they would.

I’m a mom whose children thrive in public school — but my ex’s new wife wants them homeschooled “for fairness,” and they’re accusing me of spite because I won’t hand over their education.

Nicole insists it’s “unfair” that her homeschooled kids see mine going to school and that the jealousy is disrupting their blended household. She believes the solution is making everything “equal,” which in her mind means pulling my children from the school they love. Aaron backed her up and even asked the kids directly, which upset them. They want to stay with their friends, teachers, and routines. When I refused to homeschool, Aaron and Nicole suggested Nicole homeschool my kids along with her own. I said no, and my lawyer sent a formal letter making my stance clear.

"Their lawyer told them no judge would ever force me to change schooling when the kids are thriving."

Aaron was livid after hearing from his own lawyer that the court would shut down their request. He slipped and told me this — and I documented it. Now they’re spinning a narrative that I’m being spiteful, blocking Nicole from being a “real mother figure,” and preventing sibling bonding. They’ve been texting and calling nonstop, demanding I not re-enroll the kids this fall. But I am. My children are happy in school and want to stay.

"Her kids’ jealousy is not my problem — that’s just blended family reality."

I feel like they think harassing me long enough will make me give in and hand over my kids’ education to someone who is not their parent and not part of our custody agreement. I’m standing firm, but I’m being painted as the villain for not matching their household dynamic.

🏠 The Aftermath

After receiving the legal notice, Aaron and Nicole doubled down emotionally, even though their lawyer confirmed they have no case. They continue calling, texting, and pushing me not to re-enroll our kids for the fall.

In their home: tension and jealousy among Nicole’s kids, resentment toward mine, and frustration that things aren’t “equal.” In my home: two kids who love school, feel secure, and know their routine won’t be disrupted.

Consequences include strained co-parenting communication, increased conflict, and their growing resentment toward me for not adopting Nicole’s approach to education.

"They think pressure will make me cave — but my kids’ education isn’t a bargaining chip."

I want peace for the kids, but I won’t change what’s working just to soothe jealousy in a house that isn’t mine to run. My priority is their stability, not balancing someone else’s household dynamics.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict isn’t about school quality — it’s about control, insecurity, and a misguided belief that “fairness” means identical choices across two separate households. Your children are thriving, have friends, and feel secure in public school. Those are compelling, child-centered reasons to keep things as they are.

Could you homeschool to appease them? Sure — but it would disrupt your kids’ education, social life, and stability. Could Nicole homeschool them? That would violate custody boundaries and override your parental role.

Reasonable people may disagree about homeschooling in general, but most would agree that a step-parent’s preferences should not dictate a major decision when the kids are happy, successful, and explicitly saying they want to stay where they are.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Your kids love school. That alone makes this a non-negotiable — homeschooling isn’t for their benefit, it’s for Nicole’s comfort.”

“Blended families don’t mean identical families — Nicole choosing homeschooling doesn’t mean you must match her.”

“The fact they involved lawyers and still won’t drop it is a huge red flag for future co-parenting.”

Reactions split between frustration at Aaron and Nicole’s entitlement and concern that this pressure will escalate unless boundaries are reinforced legally and emotionally.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Your kids are thriving, happy, and want to stay in public school — their wellbeing should outweigh Nicole’s jealousy or the pressure for artificial “fairness.” You’re not refusing out of spite; you’re protecting stability in your children’s lives.

Co-parenting doesn’t mean surrendering your parental authority to a step-parent, and it certainly doesn’t mean restructuring your kids’ education to soothe someone else’s insecurities. Stand firm. You’re doing right by your children.

What do you think?
Would you try to set firmer boundaries, seek additional legal protections, or take a different approach? Share your thoughts below 👇