AITA for refusing birthday dinners at the only restaurant my allergy siblings can eat at?

For years my family has only eaten out at one allergy-safe restaurant because of my stepsiblings’ nut, dairy, and seafood allergies. The problem? I hate the food there, and my parents still insist every “special” birthday meal has to be at that place—so I finally refused to celebrate with them at all.

I’m 16M. My mom remarried when I was 7, and I gained two stepsiblings: a stepbrother (11) with dairy and nut allergies and a stepsister (12) with nut and seafood/shellfish allergies. Around the time my mom met my stepdad, their allergies were diagnosed and our home became a strict “allergen-free zone.” That meant no nuts, no shellfish—and in practice, no dairy for anybody either, even though my stepbrother can be around it. As I got older, the rules felt more and more extreme: I wasn’t allowed ice cream, regular chocolate, or pizza because of the cheese. It didn’t matter that their allergies didn’t require that level of restriction for me—the rule was zero tolerance inside the house.

My mom and stepdad chose one “safe” restaurant years ago and decided that’s the only place we’re ever allowed to eat out as a family—even for my birthdays, even though I can’t stand the food there.

At some point, my mom and stepdad found a restaurant that has no nuts, no shellfish, and no dairy. It’s kind of vegan-ish, but not exactly. They decided it would be “our” restaurant and that we’d never eat or order takeout from anywhere else. I hate their food. It all tastes off to me, and even the fries aren’t real fries—it’s always some other vegetable or sweet potato, which I can’t stand. Every birthday, every “special” meal out, every family celebration is there, with extended family invited. I’ve spent years being miserable at what’s supposed to be my special dinner, picking at food I don’t like while being told to smile for photos.

"My birthday dinner should be something I like—I’m tired of eating food I hate just to keep the tradition alive."

I even tried to help: I found other nut-free places with allergy-safe menus and showed them to my parents. They refused to even look, saying we already had “our restaurant” and didn’t need another one. When I asked if we could at least order from somewhere else for my birthday, the answer was always no. They said it was too much work to try new places when this one was “easy” and safe. After a few years of sulking through my own birthday dinners, my mom told me to fix my attitude and be grateful we could afford to eat out at all.

"Who wants to eat stuff they hate on their birthday just because that’s what’s easiest for everyone else?"

When I turned 15, I finally snapped and told my mom I didn’t want to eat that “nasty” food anymore and that a birthday dinner should be something I actually enjoy. She said I was being disrespectful and asked what my stepsiblings were supposed to do if we went somewhere else. I pointed out that other than nuts, they can be around dairy and shellfish just fine—they’re around that stuff in the real world all the time—so why did I have to feel punished because of their allergies? My stepdad told me to watch my tone because it would hurt my stepsiblings’ feelings and his, and that having us all eat together as a family should be enough.

🏠 The Aftermath

After that last miserable birthday, I decided I was done. A couple of months before my most recent birthday, I told my mom and stepdad I didn’t want a special dinner, didn’t want a family meal, and that I was done eating as a family for my birthday or even things like my graduation if it meant going back to that restaurant.

I told them straight up that it wasn’t special for me, that I hate the food, and that I’d rather ignore my birthday completely than sit through another forced “celebration” centered around a place I despise. They tried to plan a birthday dinner there anyway, inviting the extended family like usual—but nobody showed, because they all knew how I felt and respected my choice not to go.

Now my parents are mad, saying I’m “being this way” and making things difficult. My mom tried to make it about me not accepting my stepsiblings, but honestly, this would be just as annoying if it were only me and her. I’m not asking for nuts at the table; I just don’t want my one special meal to always be food I can’t stand.

"If the price of eating together is me hating every bite on my own birthday, maybe that ‘family tradition’ needs to change."

From where I’m standing, I’m not trying to ruin their safety or their bonding—I’m just refusing to pretend this setup is fair or enjoyable for me anymore, especially on the one day that’s supposed to be about celebrating me.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t about dismissing food allergies—they’re serious, and I get why my stepsiblings need safe options. The issue is that my mom and stepdad turned safety into a rigid, one-restaurant rule that ignores the fact that I have preferences too, especially when it comes to my own birthday.

Could I have kept going along with it to keep the peace? Sure. But after years of being told to “change my attitude” while silently hating every meal, I hit a point where pretending felt worse than just opting out. My siblings’ medical needs matter, but so does the idea that a birthday kid should enjoy their own dinner.

Reasonable people might say compromise is possible: split orders, rotate restaurants, or let me pick somewhere else once a year. But as long as my parents insist that the allergy-safe place is the only place and that I should be grateful for food I can’t stand, we’re stuck in a cycle where “family time” feels more like a chore than a celebration.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Allergies are real, but so are your taste buds—your birthday shouldn’t be about choking down food you hate.”

“Your parents are choosing convenience over compromise. There are more solutions than ‘one restaurant forever.’”

“Opting out of the dinner is a boundary, not a rejection of your siblings’ allergies. They’re adults in this situation, not you.”

Most reactions would likely acknowledge the need to keep your stepsiblings safe while also criticizing your parents for refusing to explore other safe options or let you celebrate your own birthday in a way that actually feels enjoyable to you.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Birthdays are supposed to feel special, not like another night of eating around a menu you can’t stand. While your parents are right to prioritize safety, they’re wrong to act like that means your preferences don’t matter at all.

In the long run, this is less about one restaurant and more about whether your voice counts in family decisions—especially when it’s your day. Setting a boundary by stepping back from the dinner may be the only way to show them how unhappy you’ve been.

What do you think?
Would you suck it up for the sake of tradition, or draw the line and skip the family dinner if the food made you miserable every year? Share your thoughts below 👇