AITA for refusing to let my ex’s new wife push my 10-year-old into cheer when she doesn’t want to?

My ex left our marriage for his affair partner, Jen, who later married him. Jen pressures our daughter to join cheer squads she runs, but my daughter refuses — and when I told Jen to back off she accused me of punishing her because she can’t have kids.

Years after my ex cheated and left our marriage for Jen, they now share a blended life while our children spend time with him roughly six days a month. Jen told me early on she cannot have children and she pushed for a close bond with my kids; I made clear we are not friends and she should not expect favors after what happened. Recently Jen — a longtime cheerleader and volunteer coach — has been pushing our 10-year-old daughter to join cheer. My daughter told me she doesn’t want to and asked for support. Our custody arrangement requires mutual agreement for activities like this, so I told my ex she would not be forced into cheer.

I chose not to let my daughter be pressured into cheer by my ex’s new wife — my daughter said no, I backed her, and when Jen confronted me I told her she shouldn’t force my child into someone else’s dream.

I messaged my ex through our co-parenting app to say our daughter will not be put into cheer against her will; his reply was hostile and filled with cussing. Jen tried to call me and I didn’t answer. A few days later we crossed paths in a store and she confronted me, insisting I was “punishing” her and depriving her of bonding. I told her she doesn’t get to force my kids into her hobby and that if she wanted to share cheer with a daughter she should have one of her own. She followed me for a bit and pleaded about it; I walked away and later heard from my ex calling me cruel for saying that when she cannot have children.

"Our daughter will not be put into cheer against her will."

My position is simple: my child’s consent matters for extracurriculars, and I will support her choices rather than let an adult project their dreams onto her. Jen and my ex argue that Jen has been part of their lives for years and deserves opportunities to bond; I’m sympathetic to that desire but not at the cost of pressuring a child. The confrontations left Jen upset and my ex angry, and now there’s tension when we encounter each other.

"She told me I can't keep punishing her by depriving her of my children."

I did not swear at Jen or escalate physically — I stood firm and walked away when the conversation got emotional. My ex later messaged me saying I was cruel because Jen can’t have kids; I told him my priority is my daughter's feelings and autonomy. I understand Jen’s disappointment, but I also understand that a ten-year-old should not be pushed into a commitment she doesn’t want just so an adult can live a dream through her.

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🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, the daughter is not enrolled in cheer and feels supported by you in that decision. Your ex and Jen are upset and have pushed back, creating tension in co-parenting interactions and awkwardness when you cross paths. Jen has attempted to confront you in public and your ex has responded angrily through messages on the co-parenting app.

At home: your daughter feels validated and protected from being pushed into something she doesn’t want. At exchanges: expect friction and possibly more pressure from Jen or your ex to relent. For Jen: she’s frustrated she can’t share the activity she loves with your child, and she interprets your refusal as personal. For your ex: he’s defending his wife and resents your refusal to cooperate on this point.

Consequences include strained in-person encounters, tense messages, and an ongoing boundary dispute about what activities require joint parental buy-in. Your stance reinforces that your daughter’s voice matters, but it also makes co-parenting conversations more difficult in the short term.

"If she wanted to share cheer with a daughter she should have a daughter of her own."

You prioritized your child’s autonomy and comfort; that decision protected her immediate wellbeing but raised the emotional temperature between you and Jen/ex.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict sits where parental authority, child autonomy, and adult desires collide. Jen’s wish to bond through a shared activity is understandable — adults crave connection and may feel left out after a painful past. But a child’s participation in extra-curriculars should be based on the child’s interest, not an adult’s longing. Pressuring a ten-year-old to join an activity she doesn’t want risks undermining her agency and teaching her that her voice doesn’t matter.

You could acknowledge Jen’s feelings while maintaining your boundary: offer supervised, low-pressure exposure (watching a practice once, meeting other girls in the squad) rather than immediate enrollment. Keep communication through the co-parenting app for records and tone, and set a firm rule that the child’s preference determines participation. If tensions escalate, consider involving a neutral family mediator to keep the focus on the children’s wellbeing.

Reasonable people may disagree: some will sympathize with Jen’s desire to bond, while others will back your protection of your child’s consent. Both perspectives are emotionally valid, but the child’s right to choose should carry the most weight here.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“NTA — kids shouldn’t be pushed into activities to fulfill an adult’s dream. You protected your daughter’s choice.”

“ESH — Jen for pressuring the child, but maybe a softer, more compassionate approach to explain why she wants to share cheer would help.”

“INFO — could you offer a compromise like letting your daughter observe a practice or try a single session before committing?”

Debate will center on balancing adult feelings and a child’s autonomy: most will agree children shouldn’t be forced into commitments, while also encouraging adults to find respectful, non-coercive ways to connect.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You prioritized your daughter’s comfort and autonomy, which is a sound parenting choice. Protecting a child from pressure — even well-meaning pressure — teaches them their voice matters. That said, handling Jen’s disappointment with calm empathy and offering low-stakes ways for bonding could reduce conflict while protecting your child.

A practical next step: keep responses in the co-parenting app, propose a clear compromise (watch one practice, meet the team, try one drop-in session), and make it explicit that enrollment requires your daughter’s enthusiastic yes. If your ex or Jen continue to pressure, involve a mediator to keep the focus on what’s best for the kids.

What would you do?
Would you hold firm to your daughter’s “no,” or try a limited compromise to preserve co-parenting peace? Share your suggestions below 👇