AITA for refusing to ban alcohol and enforce Santa rules so my brother’s new girlfriend’s kids can come to Christmas?

Our home hosts over 50 people across two days of Christmas celebrations, mixing my family’s traditions with my wife’s Mexican heritage. But this year, my brother’s new girlfriend demanded we eliminate alcohol and change our Santa approach—sparking a family clash.

Every Christmas, my wife’s Mexican family arrives on Christmas Eve, and my own family comes Christmas Day. The house is lively, loud, full of food, wine, tequila, and tamales—exactly what our kids (5 and 8) love. This year, my brother Mike started dating a woman named Jenny, who wants to bring her three kids, whom I’ve only met briefly. The issue? She says her children “aren’t allowed around people who drink,” and Mike wants me to ban all alcohol to accommodate them. My mom backed him up, arguing that alcohol isn’t necessary around children, even though my kids and my wife’s younger relatives have always grown up in this environment. Jenny also insists her children “like my family,” so I should adjust our entire holiday to make them comfortable.

I host Christmas for over 50 people every year, but my brother’s new girlfriend wants me to ban alcohol and revive Santa traditions we don’t follow—just so her kids can attend. I said no, and now my family is upset.

Another issue they raised was Santa. Because my wife’s culture doesn’t emphasize Santa the way American traditions do, we treat him as more of a symbol than a real figure. My kids and their cousins are used to this. But Jenny is heavily invested in Santa and Elf on the Shelf, and Mike wants us to play along so her kids don’t “lose the magic.” I have no idea how my kids or their cousins would react if suddenly we pretended Santa and the elf were real again.

"So now Mike wants me to ban all alcohol at Christmas from my house."

I suggested that maybe next year my mom could host our family’s Christmas, or maybe Mike and Jenny could host—if they’re still together. But I’m not willing to rewrite our entire celebration to enforce a no-alcohol rule or make a room full of kids pretend Santa and the elf are real. It feels like a disaster waiting to happen, so I told them that if these rules are mandatory, Jenny and her kids should probably stay home.

"I don’t feel like setting rules in my house about tequila and making kids pretend Santa is real."

My brother thinks I’m being stubborn, my mom thinks I’m being unfair, and Jenny thinks I’m excluding her children. But it’s my house, my traditions, and a celebration that already works beautifully with two cultures and dozens of guests. I’m not willing to tear it apart for one person’s demands.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, Mike and Jenny are upset and feel unwelcome. I didn’t ban alcohol, and I didn’t change our approach to Santa, so they’re reconsidering attending.

My mom is trying to keep the peace, but she’s siding with Mike, insisting we make changes “for the children,” even though my own two kids thrive in our current environment.

The result is tension and frustration: Jenny feels excluded, Mike feels torn, and I feel pressured to “fix” a problem I didn’t create.

"This year’s drama started because one guest wanted to rewrite the entire holiday."

I love hosting Christmas and blending cultures, but I’m not willing to turn our home upside down for someone we barely know. It’s supposed to be joyful—not a negotiation panel.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This situation isn’t about alcohol or Santa—it’s about someone new entering the family and expecting immediate control over long-standing traditions. My goal has always been to host a warm, noisy, multicultural celebration that makes everyone feel included.

Could I have banned alcohol? Yes—but it would have erased a core part of my wife’s family traditions. Could I have revived Santa and the elf? Maybe—but it would have confused our kids and dismissed my wife’s cultural values.

In families, compromise matters—but so does respecting the home you’re entering, especially when the event is already thriving without major changes.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You can’t redesign a whole holiday for someone you barely know. Your house, your rules.”

“Banning alcohol and forcing Santa on kids who don’t follow that tradition is unrealistic—she can choose not to come.”

“It sounds like Jenny is testing how much control she can take. Good on you for setting boundaries.”

Reactions reflect the balance between hosting respectfully and being pressured to change your culture, traditions, and comfort for a newcomer’s preferences.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Blending families and cultures takes patience, but it also requires mutual respect. I love our chaotic, joyful Christmas and the traditions we’ve built. I’m not willing to tear it apart because one guest dislikes alcohol or wants strict Santa rules.

At the end of the day, the holiday should belong to the people who show up with love—not demands.

What do you think?
Would you change your whole Christmas for someone new—or keep your traditions intact? Share your thoughts below 👇