AITA for cutting off a friend after he hooked up with a 16-year-old who later said she was pregnant?

A friend (31M) slept with a girl he believed was 22 at a club; a month later she told him she was pregnant and revealed she’s actually 16. I refused to be his emotional support because I have young daughters and can’t see him the same way — now he’s isolated and I’m wondering if I overreacted.

Back in April my friend (31M) went out with workmates and ended up at a club. He used to club a lot in his late teens and early twenties, so the night itself didn’t strike me as odd. At the club he met a girl who showed what looked like a licence and told him she was 22, so he hooked up with her — a one-night stand. A month later she messaged him on Instagram saying she was pregnant. He was freaking out and reached out to the group chat for support. I tried initially to be supportive, but when he met the girl and her parents and they revealed her actual age — 16 — everything changed for me.

I told him I couldn’t be the person he leaned on after finding out the girl is 16. I’ve got two daughters and even though he says he didn’t know, I can’t put myself in a position to help him process this — so I cut contact and told him to rely on family and the other mates instead.

After the girl revealed she was 16, her parents confronted him and the dynamic shifted — he was shocked and the group didn’t hear from him for about a week. I told him explicitly that I wasn’t the right person to support him through this because of my personal situation: I’m married and have two daughters and knowing the girl’s true age changed how I view the incident. I told him to lean on his family and the other friends who were already trying to help.

"He told the group the girl was 22, but when they met she and her parents revealed she was 16."

My position hardened as other guys with partners adopted a similar stance — largely because their partners reacted the same way I did. The friend is now handling the fallout largely alone: his family is embarrassed, the girl’s mum is mediating communication, and those of us who feel strongly about the age difference have stepped back. He’s feeling guilt and pressure, and I acknowledged he didn’t know her real age, but I still couldn’t be the person to help him process it.

"I immediately got a weird feeling reading that — I have two daughters and I don't see him the same way now."

I know there’s nuance here — the age of consent where we live is 16, and the encounter was between consenting parties who misrepresented facts. But the revelation changed the context for me personally. I’m questioning whether stepping back was the right call: I’m not trying to punish him, I’m trying to protect my own boundaries and emotional safety. So, AITAH for refusing to be his support person in this?

🏠 The Aftermath

Following the revelation, the friend group fractured a bit: partners and spouses voiced discomfort, and several friends (particularly those with partners or kids) have chosen distance. The friend in question is isolated, leaning on family and perhaps on the other mates who remained in contact. He’s reportedly experiencing guilt and pressure from both families. The girl’s parents are involved in communications now, and the situation has legal and social awkwardness written all over it.

For me: I imposed a personal boundary and stepped away from a support role. For him: loss of some friends’ emotional support and increased family scrutiny. For his family and the girl’s family: embarrassment, anger, and the need to manage the consequences. For the wider friend group: tension and moral disagreement about what to do next.

Concrete consequences include fractured friendships, emotional fallout for all parties, and a very uncomfortable scenario for a pregnant minor, her family, and the father of the child.

"Now my friend is going through this alone — his family are embarrassed and he's feeling tremendous guilt."

This isn’t a tidy resolution — it’s an ongoing mess with emotional, social, and possibly legal implications that will take time to settle.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is a morally messy situation. On one hand, he didn’t know the girl’s true age and the local age-of-consent threshold is relevant; on the other hand, when new information reveals a minor is involved, the emotional reaction from friends and partners is understandable. Your boundary — refusing to be his emotional sounding board — is a protective response aligned with your parenting role and personal comfort. It’s not inherently cruel, but it has consequences for the friendship.

There are valid arguments on both sides: some will say friends should support someone in crisis regardless, especially if they committed an error unknowingly; others will argue that some lines—especially involving minors—are understandably unbridgeable for people with children. Tone and timing matter: pushing someone away in their moment of need can feel harsh, but so can asking you to set aside your discomfort while you process your own feelings.

Reasonable resolution might include offering limited practical help (e.g., directing him to legal or counselling resources) while maintaining emotional boundaries, if that’s something you can do without compromising your values or peace of mind.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You’re allowed to set boundaries — protecting your emotional safety because you have kids is reasonable.”

“He didn’t know, but the fact a minor is involved changes everything. Your reaction makes sense.”

“Maybe offer practical referrals (legal/medical) but don’t be his therapist — you can help without crossing your boundaries.”

Readers will likely split between defending your right to boundary-setting and urging a more pragmatic, supportive response that doesn’t force emotional labor on you.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You aren’t automatically an a**hole for stepping back — this involves a minor and your role as a parent understandably changes how you see the situation. Boundaries are valid, especially when your own children’s safety and your emotional equilibrium are at stake.

If you want to stay compassionate without compromising yourself, consider offering limited, practical assistance (contacts for counselling, legal advice, or a referral to family services) rather than deep emotional support. That keeps you aligned with your values while not leaving him completely without options.

What do you think?
Would you maintain distance in this situation, or try to help more directly despite your discomfort? Share your take below 👇