AITAH for not warning my ex about his new partner?

November 28, 2025

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AITA for not warning my ex or his new wife about their toxic traits before they married?

After my fiancé suddenly called off our wedding and quickly married someone I knew was unhappy and mentally unwell, I grapple with whether I should have warned either of them before their marriage—despite the pain and drama I endured.

✍︎

I was 35 and engaged to a man I loved deeply. Days before our wedding, he suddenly cancelled everything, even sending out cancellation notices without telling me. I tried to fix things, but he was done. Shockingly, just three months after our breakup, he was engaged to someone new, and married her three months later.

I know for certain they didn’t know each other before our breakup, so it wasn’t infidelity—more a rebound and his urgency to start a family. The new wife, also 35, is someone I knew vaguely years earlier. She often seemed miserable, defensive, and brought down the energy whenever she entered a room, so I kept my distance.

"She was highly defensive and would take almost anything said the wrong way."

Despite her seeming dislike for me and a few passive-aggressive comments, I didn’t take it personally or engage. When he got engaged and then married her, I stayed quiet—unsure if they’d work out or what her positive qualities might be. Some mutual acquaintances encouraged me to warn her about his behaviour, but I chose to respect their privacy and focus on myself.

"I felt it wasn’t my place to warn her or him, especially since I wasn’t sure he’d treat her as he did me."

Recently, I ran into him unexpectedly. He looked unhappy and admitted he didn’t realize how difficult his new wife truly is—she has multiple diagnosed mental health issues and personality disorders, something I learned from a friend. He emotionally accused me of knowing and not warning him out of spite. I told him it wasn’t my responsibility, and his choices were his own.

🏠 The Aftermath

Our brief encounter left me unsettled. He seemed vulnerable and angry, blaming me for not intervening. Meanwhile, his wife’s mental health apparently has worsened since the wedding, which makes me question if things could have been different.

I’m stuck wondering if I should have stepped in—warned either of them about what I knew or sensed—to potentially save them from more pain, or if staying out was the right call. The emotions and accusations linger on both ends.

This situation reveals how complicated it can be when past relationships, mental health, and new beginnings collide with limited communication and unresolved feelings.