AITA for telling my mom not to call my pregnant wife about the birth plan — and threatening to delay visits if she keeps upsetting her?

My wife is seven months pregnant after a prior stillbirth; she only wants her mom present for labor and the first few weeks. When my mom insisted she be included and then called my wife crying about being “left out,” I warned my mom to stop — and threatened to push back visits if she keeps contacting my wife. My dad says I overreacted. AITA?

I’m 33M and my wife is seven months pregnant. Our first pregnancy ended in premature labor and a stillbirth, which left my wife understandably anxious and protective during this pregnancy. Her doctor says things look good so far, but she still asks me multiple times a day whether something will go wrong and has nightmares. Because of that trauma she’s asked for a very small early-visitors list: only her mother should come for labor support and stay the first week or so afterwards. We agreed my parents can visit a few weeks later and even use our guest room for quality time once we’re ready for visitors.

We want the birth to be a low-stress recovery for my wife after our prior stillbirth, so we agreed only her mom will come immediately — when my mom insisted on being included and later called my wife crying, I told my mom to stop or risk delaying visits; my dad says I went too far.

When my mom called asking about the plan, I explained it: my mother-in-law would be present for labor; my wife asked for no visitors besides her mom in the first few weeks; my parents could visit a few weeks later. My mom reacted poorly — she said she and my dad would be in the waiting room and stay nearby at a hotel so they could spend time with the baby once we’re home. When I reiterated our plan and explained why it matters given my wife’s past loss, my mom pushed back, saying boys' moms always get the short end and everyone should be included for milestones. I pointed out inconsistency: my younger sister hasn’t allowed her MIL to visit her newborn for six months, yet my mom supports it — my mom got upset and refused to discuss details beyond claiming there was “more to it.”

"She only wants her mom for the first few weeks — she needs that support after what we went through."

A few hours later my wife told me my mom had called her crying, saying she felt excluded and unwanted. My wife, a people-pleaser, took it to heart and became stressed — exactly what I’m trying to avoid. I told my mom not to call my wife again about this, and (partly in jest but serious) said I’d delay visits by a month for every call after that. My mom accused us of excluding her and claimed we raised me better than this. My dad then called and said I was wrong to issue an ultimatum and "punish" my mom for expressing hurt. He said I was using time with my child as leverage and that I owe my mom an apology. I told them I want to protect my wife’s emotional safety first and that I’ll manage parents' expectations.

"If she calls my wife about this again, she won’t get to see the baby for two months — I’ll add a month for every call after that."

I’m trying to balance family feelings with my wife’s fragile emotional state. I think my mom’s call was selfish and unnecessary, and that we need to set firm boundaries to prevent stress for my wife. My parents see it as me overreacting and weaponizing access to their grandchild. My wife is stressed by the conflict and I’m mad my mom caused it. AITA?

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, your wife is stressed because your mom called and expressed feeling excluded. You’ve told your mom to stop contacting your wife about the birth plan and threatened to delay visits for repeated calls. Your dad thinks you overstepped and wants an apology. At home: you’re defending boundaries to protect your wife’s emotional wellbeing; your mom feels hurt and excluded; family dynamics are strained as everyone waits to see whether your mom will respect the request.

Consequences include tension between you and your parents, emotional strain on your pregnant wife, and the potential for longer-term family friction depending on how your mom responds. On the positive side, you’ve made clear you’re prioritizing your wife’s recovery and comfort after a prior loss.

"My priority is my wife’s emotional safety right now — everything else can wait a few weeks."

You feel justified protecting your wife, but you also recognize the cost: hurt parents and a possible rift if they feel punished rather than heard.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is fundamentally a boundary issue shaped by trauma. Your wife’s prior stillbirth makes early postpartum support and low stress crucial to her recovery and mental wellbeing; asking for her mom only for the immediate period is a reasonable, trauma-informed request. Your mom’s reaction—expecting inclusion and then calling your wife—ignores that context and centers her own hurt over your wife’s fragile emotional state.

Could you have handled it differently? Possibly — a calmer conversation with your parents explaining the trauma history and the precise timeline for visits (e.g., "come at week 3") might have felt less punitive. Could your mom have behaved better? Absolutely — she should have respected your wife’s explicit request and addressed concerns with you, not by calling your pregnant wife. Reasonable people will side with protecting the birthing parent's mental health, but also acknowledge the emotional sting your parents feel about being excluded from an early milestone.

A healthy next step: set a clear, written plan (dates, visit length), and have a one-call conversation with your parents where you calmly explain the trauma history, your wife's needs, and the exact timeframe. Ask them to direct questions to you, not your wife. If they continue to contact your wife, follow through with calmly enforced consequences (delayed visits) while keeping lines open for reconciliation once your wife is settled.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“NTA — your wife survived a traumatic loss. Prioritizing her emotional safety for a few weeks is completely reasonable.”

“Tell your parents the timeline clearly and ask them to respect it — don’t make threats, but be firm and calm.”

“Your dad’s right you shouldn’t use the baby as punishment — frame it as protection, give exact dates, and stick to them.”

Community reactions will emphasize supporting the birthing parent while urging clear communication and measured enforcement of boundaries rather than punitive ultimatums.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’re not wrong to prioritize your wife’s emotional wellbeing after a traumatic loss — requesting one primary support person immediately after birth is a compassionate, reasonable choice. The way forward is clarity and calm: provide your parents a simple, specific timeline and ask them to direct questions to you only. If they keep calling your wife, enforce your boundary gently but firmly so she can focus on healing.

If you want to repair things later, invite your parents back with a concrete date and a sincere explanation of why the pause was necessary. What do you think?
Would you hold firm to this boundary, or change tactics to avoid family rifts while protecting your wife? Share your thoughts below 👇