AITA for refusing to ban basic foods from my home because my ex’s stepdaughter is allergic?

My ex-wife’s new husband tried to dictate what I feed my sons at my own home, insisting I cut out everyday foods because his daughter is allergic. When I refused, my ex stopped taking her parenting time—and now I’m being blamed for “alienating” her.

Seven years after our divorce, my ex-wife remarried and her husband brought two kids of his own into their blended household. Not long after, he sent me a list of foods—peanut butter, eggs, cheese, strawberries, and chocolate—that he claimed I must ban from my sons’ diet because his daughter is allergic. He insisted that since my boys visit their home, I needed to eliminate those foods from my house entirely. At first I thought it was some strange joke, but then he emailed again, scolding me for not “complying” with his rules and accusing me of endangering his daughter. My ex followed that by trying to sue for custody or force the restrictions into the court agreement.

I’m a dad who feeds his kids normal food, and my ex’s new husband tried to control my household. When I didn’t obey, my ex stopped seeing our boys—and somehow blamed me for it.

The court threw out their demands entirely. The judge made it clear: they had no authority over what I feed my sons. But instead of accepting that, my ex simply stopped taking her parenting time. Her husband refuses to have the boys in their home if they’ve eaten any of the “forbidden” foods, claiming his daughter could be seriously harmed. He even accused me of being a spiteful “man-child” for not restructuring my household around his rules.

"He told me that anyone entering their home must avoid these foods—and that I had to cut them from my kids’ diet entirely."

My ex blames me for her absence, saying I’m the reason she’s “not able to be a mom” to our boys. She insists all I had to do was obey the list. Meanwhile, the boys miss her but don’t miss her home, and I’ve tried arranging visits elsewhere. She refuses. If they’ve eaten anything on the list, they’re unwelcome. I’m not depriving them of basic foods just because her new husband demands it.

"She told me I’m a dick for not following the rules and that I’m alienating the kids from her."

Because she refuses custody, the boys now stay with me full-time. Her husband’s rules—and her willingness to enforce them—have made normal visitation impossible. I’m trying to keep things stable for the boys while she insists this is somehow my fault.

🏠 The Aftermath

At this point, my ex refuses to take her parenting time unless I ban a long list of foods from my home. Her husband insists the boys can’t visit if they’ve eaten anything that might affect his daughter’s allergies.

So the boys are with me full-time. Their mom hasn’t adjusted her expectations, and she refuses to meet them anywhere else—only in her house, under her husband’s rules.

This has led to lost time with their mom, strained family relationships, and a living situation driven entirely by one man’s demands.

"A blended family became a battleground over foods most kids eat daily."

I’m trying to keep life normal for my sons. It hurts that their mom won’t do the same without tying their presence to a list of banned snacks.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict isn’t about food—it’s about control. Your ex’s husband tried to dictate what happens in a home that isn't his, and your ex chose to uphold his rules over maintaining a relationship with her sons.

Could you ban those foods at her house? Sure. But extending that control to your home crosses a clear boundary. These are normal foods kids eat every day, and the court already ruled they can't impose those restrictions on you.

People may disagree, but most would say that a parent refusing custody because of peanut butter and strawberries reflects deeper issues than dietary safety.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You’re not responsible for rearranging your entire household to satisfy your ex’s husband. These are your kids and your rules at your home.”

“If she chooses not to see her own kids because of chocolate and eggs, that’s on her—not you.”

“Her husband is trying to parent your household. You followed the law; they’re the ones refusing contact.”

Most reactions highlight boundaries, parental responsibility, and how unreasonable it is to demand control over another parent’s home.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’re feeding your kids normal food and respecting the court’s decision. Your ex is the one choosing not to see them because her husband won’t accept anything less than total control.

It’s painful for the boys, but you’re providing stability while she imposes unnecessary restrictions that push them away.

What do you think?
Would you have followed the list, or stood your ground the way I did? Share your thoughts below 👇