AITA for throwing away my cheating ex-husband’s Valentine’s gift that he sent to my house “by accident”?

After years of infidelity, gaslighting, and divorce fallout, my ex still uses my address—and now his Valentine’s gift for the affair partner he got pregnant while we were married arrived on my doorstep. I’m tempted to toss it, but part of me wonders if that makes me the a-hole.

My ex-husband and I split a year ago after a long, painful marriage filled with affairs, lies, and manipulation. Three years before the divorce, I caught him cheating for the first time. He cried, promised it was a one-time mistake, swore he’d change. I believed him. I shouldn’t have. His cheating didn’t stop—it escalated. Every time I confronted him, he told me I was paranoid, dramatic, or mentally unwell. He insisted I needed therapy for my “trust issues,” even as he continued lying to my face. Days after one of his lectures about how I “needed help,” I found undeniable proof of multiple affairs. I asked for a divorce immediately.

I left a serial cheater and gaslighter, but a year later he still uses my house as his mailing address—right down to sending his affair partner’s Valentine’s gift to my door.

The final blow came after the divorce: mutual friends told me he was expecting a baby. Based on the due date—and later his own oversharing—the conception happened while we were still together. That was its own level of betrayal, but I stayed strong, focused on the divorce, and removed him from my house. He hasn’t lived here for a year, his name is nowhere on my property, yet he still uses my address. I constantly told him to update it. Every time, he promised he had “fixed it,” even as insurance cards for his affair baby showed up in my mailbox. Last week he picked up the last of his belongings and I celebrated finally being done with him.

"I honestly believed this would be the last time I’d ever need to contact or see him again."

Then yesterday, I got a package. Without thinking, I opened it—it looked like one of my usual online orders. Instead, it was a jewelry box containing two cheap Valentine’s necklaces. The shipping label? My ex-husband’s name. The rhinestones were green, his affair partner’s birthstone. This man had the audacity to send her gift to *my* house. He’s never ordered from this company before, so he can’t claim it was an old address on file. I honestly wondered if he was doing it on purpose—or if he’s just that incompetent.

"Even I don’t know if he’s that malicious or just that stupid."

I wanted to go no-contact forever. I didn’t want to text him about his cheap Valentine’s jewelry, didn’t want more excuses, didn’t want another interaction. But part of me felt guilty tossing it. Then came the update: he texted me saying he “went off on customer service” because they used his billing address again. Except this is the first time anything from that company ever arrived—and the billing address he refuses to update is still my house. He’s hiding from debt collectors and using my address as his shield. Everything else he's sent here? I’ve already returned to sender.

🏠 The Aftermath

After his text, I finally wrote back asking why he hasn’t changed his billing address. He claimed his Apple Pay still auto-filled my address. It’s been a year—he simply hasn’t bothered, or worse, he’s using my address on purpose to dodge collectors. Despite not knowing his new address (he hides it so I won’t know he lives with the affair partner), I told him anything delivered here will now be marked return to sender.

With a “return to sender” stamp in hand, I'm done holding his mail, done coordinating pickups, done acting like the responsible adult in a relationship that ended long ago. As for the package? Well—what package?

The emotional toll has been heavy. Divorce was supposed to be my freedom from his manipulation, but he kept pulling me back into his orbit through mail, excuses, and unwanted contact. I finally cut the cord.

"He continues to use me even when he’s not in my life anymore—just in my mailbox."

The aftermath is quiet now, and for the first time, I feel like I truly closed the last open door he left behind.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This wasn’t just a misplaced package. It was a symbol of the lingering ways an ex can continue to intrude, manipulate, or simply disrespect boundaries long after a relationship ends. You spent years being gaslit, dismissed, and mistreated. It makes sense that even something small—like jewelry meant for the woman he cheated with—feels like reopening an old wound.

You’re not obligated to protect him from the consequences of his laziness, lies, or debt collectors. Returning his mail or discarding misdelivered packages isn’t cruelty—it’s closure. He created this mess, and he can deal with the fallout.

You can feel guilt, anger, and freedom all at once. Healing isn’t linear, but you’re finally taking back control of your space, your time, and your peace.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You owe nothing to a cheating ex who still uses your address like a storage locker. Return to sender or toss it.”

“He doesn’t ‘accidentally’ send gifts for his girlfriend to your house. He’s using you because you make things easy.”

“Throw it away. Block him. Let the debt collectors find him through someone else.”

Most readers will agree: after everything he put you through, protecting your peace isn’t being an a-hole—it’s being free.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You survived years of cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse. You finalized a divorce he made unbearable. Now, you’re finally shutting the last door he kept trying to pry open with mail, packages, and excuses.

Returning things, tossing things, or refusing contact isn’t petty—it’s reclaiming your life. Mail comes and goes. Peace is priceless.

What do you think?
If your ex kept using your home as his mailing address for gifts to his affair partner, would you toss it—or deliver it with a smile? Share your thoughts 👇