AITA for telling my parents they don’t deserve to walk my sister down the aisle after years of enabling our brother’s abuse?

My brother Mike has been the family “golden boy” for years—bullying our sister Kelly and getting away with it because mum and dad always defended him. After he tried to humiliate her at Christmas and her fiancé Jake stood up for her, Kelly stopped coming home and then didn’t invite Mike to their wedding. I told my parents they were responsible and didn’t deserve to walk her down the aisle—and now the family is furious.

I’m 37F and my brother Mike is 35M. Growing up he was babied—promising at rugby but never following through—and that made him the golden child. He was a bully at school and an even worse bully at home toward our younger sister Kelly (31F), who endured constant humiliating “pranks,” including having her dress pulled up at a family wedding when she was 15. Mum and dad always brushed it off as siblings being siblings, and when I left for university there wasn’t much I could do as they wouldn’t listen.

I told my parents they’d been a crap mum and dad to Kelly for letting Mike get away with humiliating her—so when she excluded him from her wedding, I told them they didn’t deserve to walk her down the aisle, and it blew the family up.

Kelly gave up her dream of St Andrews at 18 and chose Imperial in London so she could get distance from home; after graduating she stayed in southern England for work. Six years ago she met Jake (30M) and they fell hard—Jake treats Kelly wonderfully and they built a life together, including spending the first Christmas with his family. When Kelly returned home after the pandemic, Mike tried one of his old stunts: he prepared a big bowl of water to pour over her, but Jake stepped between them and told Mike to stop.

"He would do anything to embarrass her—even pulling her dress up at a wedding when she was 15."

Mike dismissed it as a harmless prank, but Jake—who is 6'3" and trained in martial arts—warned Mike that if he tried it again he’d retaliate physically. Kelly and Jake left that night and Kelly hasn’t been back since. Fast forward to now: Kelly and Jake sent wedding invites for August but deliberately left Mike off the guest list. Mum and dad were furious and had a huge argument with Kelly; they threatened not to attend and demanded to be included. Kelly said she didn’t care and even offered to have grandad walk her down the aisle instead.

"If he 'pranked' Kelly one more time, he would 'prank' Jake by putting his foot up his arse and his fist down his throat."

I visited my parents with my kids and listened to them complain about Kelly and the wedding until I snapped. I told my mum that they’d enabled Mike for years, that his bullying drove Kelly away, and that he’s a man-child who can’t hold a job or a relationship. My mum asked me to leave and my dad later called furious, accusing me of siding with an ungrateful daughter and saying I didn’t deserve a say. The argument escalated and I told him he’d been a crap dad to Kelly and didn’t deserve to walk her down the aisle.

🏠 The Aftermath

Kelly hasn’t been home regularly for years and hasn’t returned since the Christmas incident. After the invites went out without Mike, mum and dad argued with her; they threatened to boycott the wedding while Kelly stood firm. I confronted them publicly, which left my mum upset and barely speaking to anyone, and my dad furious—our relationship is strained.

At home: Mike remains living with mum and dad with few prospects and ongoing entitlement. Kelly: distant, building a life with Jake who defends her. For me: I’m exhausted and fed up with defending Kelly and calling out longstanding favoritism. Extended family are now divided, with some saying I went too far and others quietly supporting Kelly’s boundaries.

Concrete consequences include a likely awkward wedding, ongoing estrangement between Kelly and our parents, and family members choosing sides—some consoling mum, others sympathizing with Kelly’s need for safety and dignity.

"He kept humiliating her and we pretended it was just siblings being siblings."

I feel angry and relieved: angry that my parents excused years of harm, relieved that Kelly has people around her who treat her right. But the cost is family drama and hurt feelings across generations.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is a story about favoritism, boundaries, and how minimizing harm can permanently damage relationships. Mike’s behaviour crossed from childish into abusive humiliation; mum and dad’s refusal to hold him accountable sent Kelly running—instead of supporting her, they blamed her for putting distance between them.

There isn’t a tidy villain: parents enabled a son, Kelly chose safety and distance, and Jake defended his fiancée in a way the family found threatening. The real issue is mismatched expectations—what the parents tolerate versus what Kelly needs to feel safe and respected.

Healing would require parents to acknowledge past enabling, for Mike to own his actions, and for the family to center Kelly’s safety and dignity rather than preserving a golden-child myth. Without accountability, estrangement is likely to continue even after the wedding.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Being the ‘funny’ sibling doesn’t excuse humiliation—parents should’ve stepped in years ago.”

“Jake protected his partner. If that’s why she never went back, I get it—safety first.”

“Tough love: sometimes hard truths need saying. Families don’t heal until enabling stops.”

Reactions will likely split between defending family unity and validating Kelly’s decision to distance herself after repeated mistreatment. The central themes are accountability, protection, and whether tradition should trump a person’s wellbeing.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Favoritism and minimization of harm can push people away for good. Kelly’s choice to build a life away from home and to stand with someone who treats her well is understandable given the history described.

If the family wants healing, it will take honest accountability from Mike and willingness from mum and dad to stop excusing bad behaviour. Otherwise, estrangement may continue despite big events like a wedding.

What do you think?
Should the family insist on reconciliation before the wedding, or respect Kelly and Jake’s boundaries and let them decide what contact looks like? Share your thoughts below 👇