AITA for realizing I felt nothing when my partner chose his hobby over supporting something deeply important to me?

My partner’s hobby has always overshadowed our relationship, but when he chose it over attending a Pride event that means a lot to me, something inside me quietly broke — and I’m unsure how to move forward.

I (31F) have been with my partner (31M) for a year and a half. We love each other, but things have been rocky and we’ve nearly broken up more than once. Each time, we talked it through and tried again. The main issue has always been his hobby and the club he volunteers with. He serves on the committee, attends meetings every Monday, goes to the club on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, some Fridays too, plus Saturday and Sunday mornings. He spends several weekends away for it and uses his holiday time for it. He also does admin work — sometimes during our “quality time,” sometimes at work (he’s even gotten in trouble for that). When incidents happen at the club, he spends hours dealing with them and it wears on his mental health. He has cancelled plans and moved date nights to prioritize the hobby. We’ve argued about how he wants me to “slot in” around his schedule, and how the hobby comes first. We tried to compromise and I thought things were improving.

I’ve supported his hobby endlessly — giving up time, plans, and energy — but when Pride came around, something deeply meaningful to me, he told me his hobby was “more important,” and suddenly I felt absolutely nothing.

I’m bisexual and the local Pride parade is coming up. I wanted to go — I was excited. He said he’d come if he was available. Today he messaged that he’d been asked to help with his hobby instead and asked if it was OK. I felt like I couldn’t say no, because in the past if I did, he’d guilt me for “stopping him.” I asked if he ever wanted to go to Pride, and he said: “I would have but my hobby is more important.” In that moment something inside me shifted. I’ve supported him endlessly — gone along to his hobby, helped, watched, encouraged. He doesn’t do the same for me because the things that matter to me don’t matter to him.

"My hobby is more important."

It felt like he was saying, “Your important thing isn’t important because it isn’t important to me — and by extension, you aren’t as important as my hobby.” And then… I felt nothing. No anger, no sadness, no sting. Just emptiness. Suddenly I couldn’t feel love, support, companionship — nothing. After everything I’ve given up, everything I’ve willingly done for him, I realized he would never show up for me the way I show up for him. I love him, and we’ve navigated issues before, but I don’t know how to navigate this feeling of absolute emotional quiet.

"All the times I supported him… and when something mattered to me, I got nothing."

I don’t want to throw away what we’ve built, but I also don’t know what to do with the realization that when it came time for him to support something important to me, he made his choice — and it wasn’t me. I feel conflicted and lost. What do I do next? How do I navigate a relationship where love exists but reciprocity doesn’t?

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, things feel emotionally flat. Not dramatic, not explosive — just a heavy realization sitting in the middle of the relationship. He chose his hobby again, even knowing what Pride meant to me. I didn’t fight, didn’t cry, didn’t argue. I simply felt nothing.

He continues living his routine: committee work, outings, admin, plans that always involve his hobby. Meanwhile, I’m wrestling with the sudden shift inside me and the dawning realization that our compromises may have only ever gone one way.

The consequence is subtle but profound: emotional disconnect, an internal quiet I don’t know how to climb out of, and the question of whether this relationship can survive if I’m always the one bending.

"I didn’t feel anything for or from him. Nothing."

It’s not about Pride alone — it’s about support, priorities, and what it means to feel valued. I’m trying to figure out whether this is a turning point or an end point.

💭 Emotional Reflection

Relationships survive all kinds of challenges, but recurring one-sidedness slowly wears away the core of connection. Support shouldn’t be transactional, but it should be mutual. When one partner constantly prioritizes something else — a hobby, a routine, a lifestyle — the other starts feeling invisible.

You didn’t feel anger because you’ve carried this imbalance for so long that your emotional bandwidth simply ran out. That numbness is a signpost: something fundamental needs to change. It’s not about Pride alone — it’s about whether your needs ever matter in this relationship.

Some people will say love is enough; others will say reciprocity is non-negotiable. Ultimately, you need clarity: either he learns to show up for you too, or you’ll keep shrinking your world to fit around his hobby.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“If he can’t support you on something this meaningful, that’s not a hobby problem — that’s a priority problem.”

“Feeling nothing is often the final stage of emotional burnout. Don’t ignore it.”

“You deserve partnership, not being an accessory to someone else’s schedule.”

Commenters would likely focus on emotional balance, recurring priority conflicts, and the importance of shared effort in long-term relationships.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Support is love in action. If your partner can’t show up for the things that matter to you, the relationship becomes a one-way current. This moment of numbness is a signal — not to panic, but to listen. You need more than words or promises; you need evidence of change.

Ask yourself what partnership looks like to you, what you truly need, and whether he can meet you there. Compromise only works when both people bend, not when only one person does.

What do you think?
Would you stay and keep trying, or take this as a sign to walk away? Share your thoughts below 👇