AITA for wanting to break up after my girlfriend’s grandparents thought I was her boy best friend and she got angry when I asked why?

My girlfriend’s grandparents kept calling me by her boy best friend’s name, and when I asked her about it she blew up, lied, and shut down. Now she’s calling him constantly — and I don’t know if leaving makes me the bad guy.

I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for almost two years. We met at university, study the same course, and rarely argue — except about one thing: her boy best friend, “Alex” (23M). He’s known her longer and constantly makes fun of me. He jokes about my eyebrows, my hair, and especially my accent. I’m Slavic, so English isn’t my first language. I worked hard to pass IELTS and fit in, so it hurts when he mocks me. My girlfriend usually calls him out, but sometimes she laughs along. I’ve told her how much it bothers me; she apologizes… but nothing changes. Recently we visited her grandparents for the first time. I walked in, greeted them politely, and her grandmother hugged me and said, “Alex, we’ve heard all about you!” I corrected her, but she frowned and insisted she was right.

The whole dinner they kept calling me Alex — and later I overheard her grandmother asking why my girlfriend didn’t bring “the boy she said she would.”

Throughout dinner they called me Alex, even after several corrections. Later, I politely asked my girlfriend why they kept confusing us. She blew up at me, saying they were old and had memory issues. I apologized, explained I didn’t mean disrespect — I just wanted to understand why they kept insisting I was him. She looked annoyed but dropped it. Later that night, while I was setting up the bed, I overheard my girlfriend talking softly to her grandmother. Her grandmother asked why she didn’t bring Alex “like she said she would,” and asked when they’d see him again. My girlfriend said something came up so she brought me instead — which confused me, because she and I planned this trip weeks ago.

"I heard her grandmother ask why she didn’t bring Alex like she said she would."

When I asked her about it privately, she doubled down, claimed her grandmother didn’t know what she was saying, and got furious. She insisted I didn’t understand her relationship with Alex, called me petty names, and told me to sleep on the couch. I laid awake all night wondering why she was reacting this way. Since then she’s been distant, irritated, calling Alex regularly, and refusing to explain anything. I’m genuinely confused and starting to wonder if I should walk away — but I don’t know if doing so makes me the asshole.

"She told me to sleep on the couch for asking why her family thought I was Alex."

I love her, but the secrecy, anger, and disrespect are making me feel small and unwanted. I’m starting to think breaking up might be the healthiest option, but I don’t know if that makes me the bad guy.

🏠 The Aftermath

Things are tense and distant now. She barely talks to me, gets irritated over the smallest things, and spends long calls with Alex. She still refuses to explain why her grandparents expected him instead of me.

What sticks with me is how quickly she shut down the conversation, blamed her grandmother’s memory, and then got angry when I asked reasonable questions. The whole situation has made me feel disrespected and sidelined in my own relationship.

The consequences so far are mostly emotional: confusion, mistrust, and a growing fear that I’m the backup option while someone else — Alex — is more important to her family and maybe to her.

"I feel like there’s something she’s not telling me — and I’m the only one left in the dark."

Right now, I’m stuck between wanting answers and realizing she may never give them. And I don’t know how long I can stay in a relationship built on avoidance and defensiveness.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t just a misunderstanding — it’s a pattern. The mockery, the defensiveness, the secrecy, and the way she shuts down your concerns all point to a deeper issue of respect and emotional honesty.

Whether or not anything romantic is going on with Alex, the emotional dynamic is clearly unhealthy for you. Her laughter at his jokes, her grandparents expecting him, and her outbursts when questioned all leave you feeling excluded and minimized.

You’re not wrong for wanting clarity, and you’re not wrong for considering whether this relationship is truly meeting your needs. Sometimes the hardest truth is realizing someone else already made their choice — you’re just being asked to accept it quietly.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Her grandparents thinking you were Alex says a LOT about who she talks about more.”

“She blew up because she’s hiding something — even if it’s just emotional dependence.”

“You wouldn’t be the AH for walking away. You deserve someone who respects you.”

Most people would likely focus on the red flags: secrecy, defensiveness, mockery, and the lack of communication.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You tried communicating, and instead of reassurance, you were met with anger and avoidance. That’s not how a healthy relationship handles confusion or hurt feelings. Whether or not Alex is more than a best friend, the effect on you is the same — you feel secondary and unwelcome.

Leaving wouldn’t make you an asshole. It would make you someone who values honesty, boundaries, and emotional safety. And you deserve all three.

What do you think?
Would you stay for answers, or walk away from the confusion and disrespect? Share your thoughts below 👇