AITA for leaving my husband after years of silent pain and pretending everything was fine?
After discovering my husband cheated on me 10 years ago, I stayed for the kids and tried to make it work—but when our youngest moved out, I finally left, shocking him and sparking accusations that I deceived him all along.
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After discovering 10 years ago that my husband cheated, I stayed silent and focused on our family’s well-being. But when our youngest child moved out, I realized I was no longer in love and decided to leave, sparking shock and accusations that I deceived him all along.
Ten years ago, I found out my husband had an affair when I overheard him in our bedroom while picking up our sick youngest child from school. That day still brings me to tears. In the aftermath, I felt broken, unlovable, and inadequate.
We started therapy; my husband promised to make things right. We moved apartments, bought new furniture, and I developed a nightly routine of changing sheets. But one morning, I woke up and realized I no longer loved him. From then on, I saw him as a roommate and co-parent. We rarely fought, loving our three children and raising them successfully.
"I woke up and realized that I wasn’t in love with my husband anymore."
I stopped worrying if he cheated again, as intimacy dwindled to a few times a year, always guarded by protection. I never learned details about the affair or if he was still unfaithful—ignoring the worst made it easier. I never said “I love you” anymore, though he kept saying it, hoping I’d respond.
Last Christmas, our youngest got her first apartment, and I knew it was time. I found my own place, told him about the divorce, and moved out the day after our daughter. He was shocked and now accuses me of deceiving him all these years, calling me cold and vindictive—labels I don’t accept.
"Now he says I deceived him all these years, acting fine when I wasn’t."
I believe we both did our best to create a happy family for the sake of our children. I never left to seek revenge or happiness outside our home; I was content with my family but no longer happy being with him. My children know I left and are sad, but we decided they don’t need the painful details.
🏠 The Aftermath
After I left, my husband was shocked and feels betrayed by my silence. We are in the early stages of divorce, and while our kids are sad, they understand the decision was made for good reasons.
Though I see it as closing a difficult chapter, he views it as deception and coldness. Meanwhile, I’m working on rebuilding my life and finding peace beyond the pain of the past decade.
Our relationship has fundamentally changed, defined now by cooperation for our children rather than partnership or romance.
"I was happy having my children and my home; I didn’t need more."
I no longer keep up the nightly sheet changes—those rituals tied to healing are behind me. It’s a bittersweet freedom.
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