AITA for struggling to accept my wife's polyamory and losing my family?
After 15 years of marriage and two children, my wife explored polyamory with my support, but when it shifted to a private relationship she wanted that I couldn’t accept, it destroyed our family.
I was married for 15 years, loved my wife despite her mental health struggles, and supported her and our two kids while she pursued hobbies and dreams. When she wanted to try polyamory, I backed her initially, but when her new relationship became a private one, I couldn't handle it emotionally, and now my family is broken.
Our marriage was great, and I was committed to helping her through mental health issues. Eighteen months ago, she wanted to explore polyamory and began a relationship online, with my enthusiastic support. However, after that ended, she quickly fell for another man and planned a private weekend with him.
"I tried my hardest to be OK with it but I could never get around the idea."
As time passed, I realized polyamory just wasn’t for me, especially the private aspect. I told her I couldn’t handle it, crying more than I ever had. Instead of support, she turned cold, focused on ending the relationship she had formed, and less than a month later, she left, claiming unhappiness for two years—but to me it felt tied to her new relationship.
"She said she’s been unhappy for two years. But it seems awfully auspicious that she would say something only after she couldn’t see the other guy."
I supported her financially the entire time—she had no job, and I gave up my own dreams to provide for the family. Now, despite everything I did, I’m left feeling bitter, realizing she was selfish, and our family is broken in half. She even stayed at an Airbnb paid for by her boyfriend when she came to help put up the Christmas tree with the kids, which felt like a waste of time.
🏠 The Aftermath
After years of building a family, the shift to polyamory led to a painful separation. I’m now moving on, seeing other people, and have cleaned up my house while still grappling with bitterness over how it ended.
She left abruptly after less than a month of her private relationship, and though she offered support in small ways, the trust and connection have been deeply damaged.
The children’s lives are intertwined with this turmoil as we try to navigate co-parenting amid unresolved emotions and loss.
"She’ll never realize how badly she treated me or how selfish she’s been."
Despite the hurt, I still cherish my kids and strive to remain a fantastic father as I work through my feelings.
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