AITA for paying my daughter to use her room as an office after my son refused?

When I needed a workspace at home, my daughter offered her room in exchange for my small daily allowance — now my son is furious and my mom says I’m playing favorites.

I’m a 45-year-old mom with two kids, a 17-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son. Earlier this year we moved to be closer to my parents because their health has been declining. My daughter adjusted well and was excited for the change, but my son has struggled socially and emotionally. Because of the move, my job shifted to a hybrid schedule and I needed a functional work-from-home space. My bedroom is tiny, poorly insulated, and too damp to hold my equipment, so the only realistic options were the lounge or one of the kids’ rooms during school hours. When I proposed this, my son instantly refused, while my daughter joked about charging me rent and then genuinely offered her room.

I’m a mom trying to balance work, space, and two teens — so when one refused to help and the other offered her room for my home office, I paid her my daily allowance… and now the whole house is divided.

My daughter and I worked out a simple system: I use the room during school hours, she does homework once I’m done, and she gets the $20/day allowance that my job pays me for working from home. Everything ran smoothly until my son discovered she was getting around $60. He doesn’t get regular allowances — mostly just canteen money and essentials — and he exploded, accusing me of favoritism. He complained about the move, said he never sees his friends (even though I drive him back every two weeks), and then turned on his sister, calling her an opportunistic b*tch. She fired back by calling him a whiny little a**hole.

"I told him he had the same opportunity and was now shit out of luck."

To defuse the fight, I offered either child the chance to spend the night at their grandparents’, not as punishment but as space to cool off. My son volunteered. But when I dropped him off, my mom told me I was favoring my daughter and should split the allowance evenly. My dad disagreed, saying my son refused the arrangement and had no right to complain. For context: I did offer my son the deal first — he told me “hell no” and “get the f*** out of my room.”

"She had space, he refused, and I needed somewhere to work."

On top of that, my tiny bedroom is too damp and poorly insulated to be usable during winter, and I can’t afford to fix it right now. That’s why neither kid could take that room, and why I needed one of theirs during work hours. My son is still upset, my daughter feels attacked, and now even my parents are weighing in on whether I handled things fairly.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now my son is staying with my parents for the night to cool off, and my daughter and I are giving each other space. The tension is still high, and my son believes the entire situation is proof I favor his sister.

At home: the room arrangement still works for school days, but the emotional fallout hasn’t settled. My daughter feels attacked for accepting an opportunity my son turned down, and my son feels cheated because he didn’t realize there was money involved until later.

Consequences include a sibling fight, family drama spreading to the grandparents, and a cloud of resentment that wasn’t there before — all over a practical workspace issue I thought I had handled fairly.

"My mom told me I was favoring my daughter and should be paying them equally."

I’m frustrated, confused, and trying to be practical — but it’s clear that moving, social stress, and cramped living space have made every small choice feel personal to my teens.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict isn’t really about money — it’s about change, control, and how teens respond to upheaval. My daughter saw a practical solution and made a deal; my son felt invaded and then later felt cheated. Both reactions come from emotional places shaped by the move and the loss of their old routines.

Could I have handled the conversation more gently? Probably. Clearer expectations up front might have helped my son feel less blindsided. But ultimately, he refused the offer, and I can’t force a teen to host a home office in his bedroom. Logistics sometimes override feelings.

People will disagree: some will say fairness means equal pay; others will say fairness means equal opportunity — and he declined. Both kids are navigating big changes, and I’m trying to meet everyone’s needs without losing my mind.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“He said no. She said yes. That’s not favoritism — that’s natural consequences.”

“Your son is dealing with a tough move — maybe offer him another way to earn some money so he doesn’t feel left out.”

“Paying them equally for unequal participation doesn’t make sense; but you might try acknowledging his feelings more directly.”

Reactions will likely focus on fairness, the emotional impact of moving, and how teens process jealousy and opportunity differently.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Sometimes “fair” isn’t “equal” — it’s about offering both kids the same chance and respecting their choices. My daughter helped solve a problem, and my son is struggling with bigger emotional issues that the money has become a symbol for.

A calmer conversation, reassurance, and maybe another way for him to earn spending money might help repair things — without undoing the arrangement that works for my job and my daughter’s generosity.

What do you think?
Would you split the allowance anyway, stand firm on the deal, or find a third option? Share your thoughts below 👇