AITA for canceling a shopping trip with my niece after she called my dress “ugly” and said I looked fat?

My 13-year-old niece made a harsh comment about my appearance that really hurt me. She apologized, but it felt insincere — and I canceled a promised shopping trip. Now my family says I’m “beefing with a child.” AITA?

I don’t have kids and have very little experience with them. No younger siblings, cousins, babysitting — nothing. So when I spend time with my niece Gabby (13), I really try. We hang out every couple of weeks and I enjoy it. About a month ago at the park, I showed her a photo of the dress I planned to wear to an event with my boyfriend. She made a dramatic “yuck” face and said, “That’s sooooo ugly. You look really fat. Isn’t [boyfriend] gonna think it’s bad?” I was honestly stunned and deeply hurt. I’m not fat, and even if I were, her comment felt cruel. My sister was surprised when I told her and said she’d talk to Gabby. A few days later they brought her over to apologize. Gabby rolled her eyes, looked annoyed, and mumbled a forced apology. I thanked her, said goodbye, and haven’t made an effort to see her since.

I was excited to take my niece shopping for fun summer clothes — after she called me fat and apologized with an eye-roll, I canceled, and now I’m being told I’m “holding a grudge against a child.”

I had promised her a fun summer shopping trip — something I truly looked forward to. But after the insult and the insincere apology, I didn’t feel like doing it anymore. At Mother’s Day at my mom’s house, Gabby asked when we were going shopping. I told her she probably already had plenty of summer clothes. She got upset and said, “But I said I was sorry!” I explained that saying sorry doesn’t automatically rebuild trust or undo hurt. You have to show changed behavior, which she hasn’t had the chance to do yet because I haven’t felt ready.

"Just because you say you're sorry doesn’t mean the other person has to forgive you right away."

My mom and sister think I’m expecting “adult apology standards” from a 13-year-old. They say I’m being ridiculous, canceling a day she was excited for over one rude comment she hasn’t repeated. They asked how long I intend to hold this over her. I don’t want to be petty, but the comment stung. And honestly, I’m concerned about her saying something like this so casually — I don’t want her to grow into someone who thinks it’s okay to insult people’s bodies.

"That’s sooooo ugly. You look really fat."

I’m unsure whether I’m being protective of myself, trying to teach her a lesson about kindness, or simply overreacting because I lack experience with kids. I want to rethink my expectations, but I also don’t want her to think that apology = reset with no consequences for hurtful words.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, Gabby is upset, confused, and thinks her apology should have fixed everything. I feel hurt and unsure how to interact with her. My mom and sister think I’m wrong for withdrawing, but I’m still processing the comment and her attitude during the apology.

At my house: I’ve stepped back from our one-on-one outings until I feel ready. At my sister’s: they’re frustrated that I “canceled plans with a kid” and are urging me to let it go. No one is yelling — but there’s definitely tension.

The result is a small family rift, a disappointed niece, and me questioning whether this is a teaching moment or just an overreaction rooted in my inexperience with children.

"Kids say hurtful things — but that doesn’t mean adults have to instantly pretend it didn’t hurt."

I’m relieved Gabby hasn’t repeated any rude comments, but the sting of the first one is still there. I need a little time before I jump back into aunt-niece outings like nothing happened.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This situation highlights the gap between adult emotional expectations and early-teen development. At 13, kids can be brutally honest without understanding the impact of their words. They can also apologize poorly — eye rolls, annoyed tones, minimal engagement — because they’re embarrassed, defensive, or simply immature.

Could you have handled it with more flexibility? Maybe. Could Gabby have hurt you less if she’d apologized sincerely? Definitely. Reasonable people will disagree: some will say you’re enforcing boundaries around hurtful comments; others will say you’re applying adult standards to a kid who’s still learning empathy.

Ultimately, this is a moment for gentle teaching, not exile. You can still set boundaries, but also look for ways to model what respectful communication looks like, especially since she may genuinely not understand how much her comment stung.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Kids can be mean without meaning lasting harm — give her a chance to show growth before cutting her off.”

“Your feelings are valid, but canceling the outing entirely might feel disproportionate to a 13-year-old.”

“Use this as a teaching moment: tell her why it hurt, let her try again, and rebuild slowly.”

Reactions vary between protecting your feelings and recognizing that teens are still learning empathy and accountability.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Gabby’s comment was hurtful and her apology wasn’t great — but she’s 13, still figuring out empathy, self-expression, and social cues. Stepping back briefly to protect your feelings is fine, but leaving space for her to grow is important too.

If you’re ready, a calm conversation explaining why her words hurt may help her learn, and you can rebuild from there at a pace you’re comfortable with. What do you think?
Would you stick to canceling the outing, or give her another chance to show she’s learning? Share your thoughts below 👇