AITA for refusing to name my baby after my husband's family tradition?

My husband’s family insists our firstborn son must follow a long-standing naming tradition—but at 8 months pregnant, I’m exhausted by the pressure and the drama that exploded when we chose a different name.

My husband (29) comes from a very traditional family where first-born sons are always named after a grandfather—alternating between James and Henry with each generation. His grandfather was James, so he is James, and since his father is Henry, our son was expected to be Henry too. But ever since I (28) found out I was pregnant, my husband and I agreed we wanted a name that felt personal and unique to our child, not predetermined by a rule. We even decided to keep the name secret until birth to avoid unnecessary pushback. That didn’t stop my mother-in-law from showing up this week with lovingly embroidered baby clothes… all labeled “Henry.” I gently reminded her we weren’t using that name and offered making it his middle name instead, but she quickly escalated the situation.

I’m eight months pregnant, tired, and just want my son to have a name we chose together—yet my mother-in-law acted like I was destroying centuries of family tradition by saying no to “Henry.”

When I reminded my mother-in-law we weren’t using Henry as the first name, she immediately went to my husband, accusing me of “destroying the family legacy.” She made dramatic claims about a tradition “hundreds of years old,” insisted our child must be Henry on his birth certificate, and even suggested we legally name him Henry but call him something else in daily life. My husband stayed calm and explained we chose a name we both love—but she refused to hear it. Eventually she begged him to override me, insisting I was hurting their family.

"You're not going to let her do that to our family, are you?"

The emotional strain finally got to me and I snapped, telling her it was our baby and we didn’t have to follow a tradition that made no sense to us. She stormed out, and since then my husband has received messages from his father and sister accusing me of making her feel terrible and “ruining everything.” I understand that traditions can be meaningful, but I also believe they shouldn’t trap anyone—especially not a child who deserves his own identity.

"We don't have to follow a stupid tradition."

For the record, we’re set on the name we chose. The tension, accusations, and guilt-tripping have left me exhausted—especially at this stage of pregnancy. I’m questioning whether rejecting the tradition makes me wrong, even though it feels right for our family. And seeing so many others online with similar naming conflicts makes me realize this isn't as rare as I thought.

🏠 The Aftermath

After she stormed out, the situation only escalated. My husband began receiving messages from his father and sister accusing me of disrespecting the family and upsetting his mother. The house has been filled with tension ever since, even though our decision hasn’t changed.

His mother remains hurt and dramatic about the broken “legacy,” while his side of the family has rallied behind her. Meanwhile, my husband and I are simply trying to focus on preparing for our baby and protecting our peace.

The choice to keep our chosen name stands firm, but now we’re dealing with strained relationships, guilt-tripping, and a pile of embroidered “Henry” baby clothes that we’ll never use.

"A name meant to honor the past somehow turned into a battlefield for the present."

It hurts that something as personal as naming our child sparked so much hostility, but I’m also relieved that my husband is standing with me. Tradition or not, this is our baby and our decision.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict is less about a name and more about expectations—what tradition means to one generation versus autonomy for the next. I respect that family legacies can hold deep emotional value, but they can’t be imposed at the expense of the parents’ wishes or the child’s future.

Could I have chosen gentler words in the moment? Probably. Pregnancy hormones and mounting pressure didn’t help. But the core issue remains: honoring tradition shouldn’t be an obligation, and changing it doesn’t erase the family’s past.

Some may say we should compromise, while others will argue that naming your child is a deeply personal choice. Either way, this experience has shown how differently people view “family expectations” and where boundaries should lie.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Tradition is fine until it overrides the actual parents’ wishes. It’s your baby, your decision.”

“Offering Henry as the middle name was already a compromise. Her reaction was way out of line.”

“A name isn’t a binding contract to the past. Families evolve, and so do their traditions.”

Many reactions balance empathy for tradition with firm support for parental autonomy, noting the intensity of the in-laws’ response and the importance of setting boundaries early.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Names carry history, emotion, and meaning—but they should also reflect the hopes and identity parents want for their child. We didn’t reject the past; we simply chose to shape our future differently.

To some, breaking tradition feels disrespectful. To us, giving our son his own name feels right, loving, and honest. And that’s what truly matters.

What do you think?
Would you honor the tradition, or choose the name that feels right for your baby? Share your thoughts below 👇