AITA for refusing to babysit my neighbor’s kids just because I’m a SAHM?

I’m a brand-new mom trying to navigate life with my 9-week-old, but one neighbor seems to think being a stay-at-home mom means being her built-in babysitter—and things blew up fast when I told her no.

I recently moved to the area and joined a local mommy-and-me group to make friends. One of my neighbors is also in the group, and last week she knocked on my door in a panic asking if I could watch her 3- and 5-year-old. She looked desperate, so I agreed. I’m a full-time SAHM to a newborn, and that day was absolute chaos—my daughter was fussy, her kids were wild, and by the time she picked them up six hours later, I was completely drained. I assumed it was a one-time emergency, but today she came back asking me to watch her kids every afternoon. I told her no—I’m not a babysitter, and I’m still learning how to manage life with my own baby, husband, and home.

I’m a brand-new mom trying to stay afloat, yet somehow saying “no” to babysitting someone else’s kids turned into me being called selfish and blasted in the group chat.

When I declined the regular babysitting, she acted shocked and told me it “wasn’t a lot” because it was only the afternoons. I explained that my husband works from home and needs quiet, I’m a new mom still figuring things out, and watching extra kids is a huge responsibility. She called me selfish for refusing. I told her she was being entitled by assuming I should automatically help her just because I stay home with my baby. That comment didn’t go over well, and she later tried to paint me as the villain in our mom group chat. But other moms quickly called her out—apparently she had pulled this same tactic on them too.

"It may not be a lot to you, but it’s a lot to me."

One mom asked her point-blank why she thought SAHMs were responsible for her childcare. Another reminded her she’d already been told that the group’s moms were not her free babysitters. When she doubled down, the group’s moderator finally stepped in and suggested she find another mom group. That’s when she suddenly back-tracked and apologized. The moderator later told me privately that if she tries this with anyone again, she’ll be expelled from the group entirely.

"She told me I was selfish, and I told her she was entitled."

This whole situation has been overwhelming—especially since a year ago I was a college student spending time with my fiancé, and now I’m a wife and mother in a brand-new place. I’m still adjusting to everything, and her behavior made me question if I was too harsh. But I also know I can’t take on more than I’m capable of, especially at this stage of motherhood.

🏠 The Aftermath

After I told her no, she tried to turn the mom group against me, calling me selfish and trying to shame me publicly. But the group didn’t support her—several moms defended me and reminded her that childcare isn’t an automatic obligation for other parents.

The situation escalated until the moderator stepped in, suggesting she leave the group if she continued treating moms like unpaid babysitters. She eventually apologized, but only after realizing the group wasn’t on her side.

The fallout was stressful, but ultimately the group reassured me that I wasn’t in the wrong and that I had every right to set boundaries, especially as a new mom learning to navigate her new life.

"The SAHM moms in this group are not your babysitters."

I’m relieved the group supported me, but the encounter left me shaken. I’m already trying to adjust to being a new mom in a new place—having a neighbor treat me like free childcare made things even harder.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This wasn’t just a scheduling conflict—it was an issue of boundaries and assumptions. Some people believe stay-at-home moms have endless time and energy, but caring for a newborn is already overwhelming on its own.

Could I have delivered my “no” more gently? Maybe. But being firm doesn’t make someone rude or selfish, especially when they’re protecting their mental load and their family’s needs.

What this really highlighted is how important it is for moms—new or experienced—to have supportive communities where boundaries are respected instead of exploited.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Being a SAHM doesn’t make you free childcare. Good on you for setting boundaries early.”

“She called you selfish because you wouldn’t let her take advantage of you. Classic entitlement.”

“You’re a new mom with a newborn—taking on two extra kids every afternoon is unreasonable. You handled it fine.”

Most responses support the boundary you set and point out the neighbor’s pattern of trying to use other moms for childcare, emphasizing that “no” is a perfectly fair answer.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Motherhood is overwhelming enough without being pressured into free childcare. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you realistic about your own capacity and your child’s needs.

This experience showed that healthy boundaries matter, supportive communities exist, and you’re allowed to put your own family first without guilt.

What do you think?
Would you have agreed to help, or held firm on your boundaries too? Share your thoughts below 👇