AITA for refusing to help my sister with my niece’s medical bills after she wouldn’t help me during my crisis?
When I lost my job two years ago and desperately needed $1,000 to cover rent, my sister flat-out refused to lend me money. Now that her family is struggling with my niece’s medical bills, she’s begging me—and I’m torn whether to help or hold a grudge.
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I’m the sister who was rejected when I asked for $1,000 two years ago during a rough patch. Now, when my sister came crying about a $1,500 medical bill for my niece, I said no—and it blew up, leaving me stuck between bitterness and responsibility.
My sister (28F) and I (26F) have never been close. She’s always had her life together with a good job and a nice home; I’ve had a harder time. Two years ago, I lost my job unexpectedly and needed $1,000 to cover rent. Swallowing my pride, I reached out to her, promising to pay back the loan, but she flatly refused, saying she doesn’t lend money to family because it ruins relationships.
"She said no and gave a speech about how lending money to family always goes wrong."
Fast forward, her husband lost his job, and she called me sobbing, asking for $1,500 to cover my niece’s medical bills, even though insurance would reimburse later. Despite loving my niece, I refused, recalling how she had refused me in my time of need. The call quickly escalated into anger and accusations from her.
"She screamed that this is different because it’s her child, not ‘stupid rent,’ and called me selfish for holding a grudge."
My parents are now involved, pressuring me to help for my niece’s sake. I’m conflicted—on one hand, I have the means to help and want to support my niece; on the other, I feel justified holding a grudge for how I was treated. I don’t want to enable a family dynamic that disregards mutual trust.
🏠 The Aftermath
The refusal has deeply strained my relationship with my sister and caused family tension. My sister ran to our parents, who are pressuring me to help despite their earlier silence during my crisis.
I’m left feeling torn—resentful but also mindful that my niece’s health is at stake. The situation is complicated by unresolved past wounds and differing views on family support and boundaries.
The conflict highlights how past grievances can shape responses to urgent needs, and how family relations can fracture under pressure.
"She set the rules, not me—and now that the shoe’s on the other foot, I’m supposed to bail her out?"
While I’ve managed to improve my circumstances, the emotional cost of this conflict lingers, with guilt mixed with justified bitterness.
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