AITA for telling my MAGA mom she’ll never be a grandma after I had my uterus removed for my safety?

After a life-threatening ectopic in 2023 and a later diagnosis that made future pregnancy extremely risky, I chose to have my uterus and remaining tube removed — and then I exploded at my mom when she celebrated political changes that endanger reproductive care.

I’m 30 (F), an only child, and I live with my parents in a state with very restrictive reproductive laws. In summer 2023, while visiting my in-laws out of state, I was rushed to the ER with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery saved my life but cost me my right fallopian tube. After that I went back on birth control and pursued a full medical workup. The tests found a benign tumor on my remaining tube and significant uterine fibroids; my doctors told me any pregnancy would be high-risk and carrying to term would be unlikely and dangerous.

I nearly died once from an ectopic; with tumor and fibroids putting me at serious risk, and restrictive laws complicating emergency care, I chose to have my uterus and remaining tube removed — and told my mother, who supports bans, that she won’t be a grandma because of how she voted.

Because my state now requires legal teams to weigh in for emergency abortion care, and given the medical risks described by my doctors, my spouse and I decided I needed definitive surgery rather than gamble with my life. I had a hysterectomy and removal of the remaining tube the day after the election and am physically recovering, though the emotional work is ongoing. I’d only told my spouse and best friend before the operation; I wanted time to process before sharing with family.

"Because of the tumor and fibroids, any pregnancy would be high-risk — I couldn’t roll the dice with my life again."

A few days after the surgery I had my regular monthly call with my mom. She launched into a celebratory rant about how the new government would be great for families and that a national abortion ban would "save lives" and make her a grandma someday. I lost control, screamed that she would never be a grandma and that it was because of how she and people like her voted. I told her I had to have everything removed so I couldn't become pregnant and possibly die — then hung up and had a breakdown.

"I told her she'd never be a grandma — and that her voting choices helped create the risk I faced."

My dad, who isn’t aligned with my mom politically, called to offer sympathy and to ask me to apologize for how I spoke to her. I don’t want to apologize for the content of what I said — only for the volume and tone. I’m uneasy about burning family bridges but furious about policies that made my medical choices more fraught. I’m in therapy and trying to heal, but I still feel justified and ashamed in turns. So: AITA for refusing to apologize for what I said?

🏠 The Aftermath

Surgery is done and physical recovery is progressing, but family fallout is real. my relationship with my mom is strained after the fight, and my dad is asking for an apology for my delivery, not my message.

At home: monthly calls are tense, and my mom continues to voice political positions that directly conflict with the medical reality I faced. With my dad: he’s sympathetic about my health but wants smoother family interactions.

Practical consequences include emotional distance, ongoing difficult conversations with parents, and the challenge of navigating grief over losing biological fertility while managing anger about the political context that complicated my healthcare choices.

"I had to choose my life over a future pregnancy — and that decision landed me in a screaming match with my mom."

I’m focused on recovery and therapy, setting firm boundaries about what I will and won’t discuss, and deciding how — or whether — to rebuild the relationship with my mother while protecting my own wellbeing.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is complicated grief sitting on top of justified anger. The medical facts forced a painful choice; the political environment amplified the stakes and made post-op conversations literal landmines. My outburst at my mom came from fear, loss, and rage at a system that made my options harder.

Is my reaction reasonable? Yes — anger at people supporting policies that could have prevented me from getting safe care is understandable. Could I have handled the call more calmly? Also yes — tone matters to preserve relationships, and I’m willing to apologize for how I spoke without erasing why I said it.

There’s no simple villain here: my mom’s political choices contributed to a climate that endangered reproductive care, but she’s also my parent. Balancing self-preservation, accountability for tone, and the desire to keep family ties is a messy, personal process.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You chose your life based on medical advice and state realities — that’s not cruel, it’s necessary.”

“Apologize for the yelling, not for telling the truth. Boundaries are allowed when your health is at stake.”

“I get wanting to protect the relationship, but don’t let pressure erase what you survived or make you minimize your trauma.”

Most reactions will likely support prioritizing your health while acknowledging that tone and timing affect relationships — meaning a partial apology for delivery makes sense, without retracting the substance of your anger.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You were faced with a life-or-death decision complicated by medical findings and the political reality where you live. Choosing to protect your life and health was not selfish — it was necessary. Your anger toward the political positions that made care harder is valid.

If you want to repair family ties, a limited apology for how you spoke (not for why you said it) can acknowledge your parents’ feelings without betraying your own experience. But you’re not obligated to minimize your loss or accept responsibility for the policy choices that harmed you.

What do you think?
Would you apologize only for tone, or try to rebuild things fully with your mom? Share your thoughts below 👇