AITA for being hurt when my MIL asked us to skip the holidays—or leave my baby home—so my SIL wouldn’t feel upset?

My husband’s family has always embraced me… except his twin sister. Now that I’ve had my first baby, my MIL asked us to skip Thanksgiving and Christmas, or leave our daughter behind, to protect my SIL’s feelings—and it shattered me.

I’m 31F, married to Tyler (32M), and we had our first baby girl three months ago. I grew up with a single mom, just the two of us. She passed away two years ago from ovarian cancer, so I don’t have family besides my in-laws. Tyler’s family is big, warm, and close—his parents are still married, he’s one of four, and they welcomed me with open arms. The only exception has always been his twin sister Ashley, who’s been cool, distant, and sometimes resentful of Tyler. She’s never been rude outright, but she’s never made an effort with me either. Ashley has also struggled to get pregnant and recently had a miscarriage. I’ve been very mindful of her pain—avoiding talking about pregnancy or my baby around her and even turning down a baby shower so it wouldn’t hurt her.

I’m the new mom who was asked to stay home—along with my 3-month-old—so my SIL wouldn’t feel overshadowed during the holidays.

Yesterday my in-laws came to dinner, and my MIL said she had something hard to discuss. She explained Ashley was excited for us but hurting—terrified that the holidays would revolve around our newborn when she’s still grieving fertility struggles. Then she asked if we could either skip Thanksgiving and Christmas or get a sitter so the baby wouldn’t be there. She even floated the idea that I stay home with the baby and my husband briefly stop by alone. My husband was instantly furious, saying Ashley should stay home if she can’t manage her emotions. MIL said Ashley “needs her family right now.”

"There will be other opportunities for her to bond with the family."

I rarely cry, but I started sobbing. I told them I understood Ashley’s pain deeply, but hearing my baby—and myself—suggested as the ones to exclude devastated me. I don’t have a family of origin anymore. My daughter is my connection to family now. I said I didn’t feel valued knowing we were the first ones the family thought to remove. My MIL panicked and backtracked, saying she loves us and handled it wrong, but my husband still asked his parents to leave.

"I don’t think I’ll feel welcomed in the future now that I know how easily we could be excluded."

Since then, my MIL has called repeatedly. My husband wants nothing to do with the holidays now. I’m still raw. I care about Ashley’s struggles, but the idea that a 3-month-old should be hidden so an adult doesn’t feel overshadowed… shattered me. And now I’m questioning whether I was selfish for feeling so hurt.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, we’re not attending the holidays with his family. My MIL is trying to apologize and repair things, but the damage is sitting heavy on my heart. My husband is standing firm: he won’t celebrate with them unless our daughter and I are fully included. Meanwhile, I’m grieving the realization that the family I relied on for warmth would so quickly ask us to withdraw for someone else’s comfort.

My hurt isn’t about one holiday—it’s about belonging. About wanting my daughter to know her grandparents. About fearing this exclusion sets a precedent. And about mourning the family I never had while realizing the one I married into might not fully embrace me after all.

The immediate consequence is a fractured holiday season and a difficult truth: love and loyalty get complicated when grief, infertility, and favoritism collide.

"I want my daughter to have the family I never had — being asked to stay home broke something in me."

I know Ashley is hurting, but now I’m hurting too. And healing this will take time, honesty, and boundaries.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t a story with villains—it’s a story where grief, envy, and fragile hope collided. Ashley is in pain, and your MIL tried to protect her the only way she could imagine. But that doesn’t erase how deeply wrong it felt to ask a new mother and newborn to stay home so everyone else wouldn’t “focus too much” on the baby.

Your reaction came from longing—for belonging, for family, for stability after losing your own mother. Anyone in your shoes would feel wounded. Your MIL’s request unintentionally highlighted where loyalties fall, and that realization hurts. But her quick backtracking and attempts to fix it show that this was more panic than malice.

Healing will likely require space, boundaries, and a calm conversation later. But you weren’t selfish for being hurt. You wanted inclusion, not exclusion. And wanting your baby welcomed is a deeply human desire.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Ashley’s pain is real, but asking the new parents to stay home is not the solution.”

“MIL meant well but handled it terribly — you have every right to feel hurt.”

“Your husband standing up for you and your baby says everything about where your real family unit is.”

Most readers would understand Ashley’s grief while still agreeing that excluding a newborn was deeply unfair and damaging to family trust.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Wanting your child embraced by family is not selfish. And being devastated at the idea of being set aside is natural. This moment may reshape boundaries, but it doesn’t have to sever relationships—only redefine what support looks like.

Your husband chose you and your daughter without hesitation. That’s the foundation that matters most as you navigate this hurt and decide how to rebuild trust with his family.

What do you think?
Would you skip the holidays entirely, or give MIL a second chance after a painful misstep? Share your thoughts below 👇