AITA for refusing to apologize to my MIL after she told my entire in-law family about my miscarriage?

I trusted my MIL with a private pregnancy — and after miscarrying for the third time, she spread the news, confronted me, and publicly announced my losses at Thanksgiving.

I’m 32, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for three years. I’ve had two previous miscarriages, and this third pregnancy had us hopeful and terrified all at once. We agreed not to tell anyone until the second trimester — but when my MIL noticed I wasn’t drinking at dinner weeks ago, she asked if I was pregnant. My reaction gave it away. We told her the truth, but emphasized that we wanted absolute privacy until we were further along. She and my FIL swore they’d keep the news to themselves. Then, just a week ago, I miscarried again. I was devastated, and while I wanted to skip Thanksgiving, I decided to go in hopes of family support and normalcy. I planned to tell my MIL privately the next day when we could talk in person.

I wanted privacy and compassion — instead my MIL shared my pregnancy, my miscarriage, and even my past losses with the entire family.

But the second we walked in the door for Thanksgiving, her sister hugged me and said “congratulations.” I froze. My MIL had told her — and apparently also told my SIL — despite promising complete privacy. I had to tell both women that I’d miscarried, and their kindness didn’t stop the embarrassment and emotional pain of having to relive the news on the spot. Minutes later, my MIL pulled me aside — not to apologize, but to scold me for not telling her about the miscarriage before her sister found out. She said it “hurt” to hear the news secondhand and brushed off giving away my pregnancy by saying she was just excited. I didn’t have the strength to argue, so I told her we could discuss it after the holiday.

"She agreed to keep it private… then told her sister, her daughter, and who knows who else."

Then it got worse. During the Thanksgiving blessing, my MIL broke down crying and announced to the entire family that I had miscarried — including mentioning both previous miscarriages that no one else knew about. She spoke directly to me as I started sobbing uncontrollably in front of the whole room. My husband demanded to know why she’d shared so much private medical information, and she said she was “just excited” and wanted the family’s prayers.

"She listed all three miscarriages in front of the entire family like it was her story to tell."

We left before dinner. I cried myself to sleep. The next morning my MIL showed up unannounced. Instead of apologizing, she lectured me again. She said I should’ve told her sooner, that I ruined Thanksgiving, that I shouldn’t have come if I was still emotional — and that she “forgives” me. When I said she should apologize for breaking her promise and outing my private grief, she asked me to apologize too “for making a scene.” I refused.

🏠 The Aftermath

Now we’re not speaking to her, and my husband has canceled Christmas with his family. My MIL insists she did nothing wrong, framing her behavior as “excitement” and “love,” while blaming me for reacting emotionally to a miscarriage that happened days earlier.

At her house: she spread my pregnancy, then forced me to publicly relive my grief. At ours: she arrived uninvited to double down instead of apologizing.

Consequences include a major rift between my husband and his mother, lost trust, and overwhelming guilt and shame that she placed on me during one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.

"All of this could have been avoided if she kept her promise to keep it private."

I’m grieving, exhausted, and hurt — and now somehow being cast as the one who “ruined” Thanksgiving.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t just a boundary issue — it’s a profound breach of trust and empathy. Miscarriages are deeply personal, and your MIL turned your pain into her public storyline. Her “excitement” doesn’t justify outing your pregnancy, your losses, or ambushing you in front of the whole family. Her refusal to apologize shows she believes her emotions outweigh your privacy and grief.

Could she be grieving too? Yes. But grief doesn’t give anyone permission to override the wishes of the person actually going through the physical and emotional trauma. You didn’t ruin Thanksgiving — she did, by making your miscarriage the centerpiece of the holiday meal.

Reasonable people may disagree about the best way forward, but most will agree: you didn’t owe her an apology for crying, for being overwhelmed, or for expecting your medical information to remain private. You deserved compassion, not confrontation.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Your MIL turned your miscarriage into a Thanksgiving announcement — that’s not love, that’s entitlement.”

“She promised privacy, broke it twice, then blamed you for being emotional. You owe her nothing.”

“You didn’t ruin Thanksgiving — she did when she made your trauma a family spectacle.”

Reactions will likely center around boundaries, privacy, and the unacceptable way she centered herself in your grief.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’re not wrong for refusing to apologize. You’re grieving and deserved privacy, comfort, and dignity — not public exposure and blame. Your MIL may be hurting, but she repeatedly violated your trust and doubled down when confronted.

Setting boundaries now may be the only way to protect yourself emotionally moving forward, especially if she continues to treat your reproductive journey as her personal news to share.

What do you think?
Is an apology necessary for peace, or would it enable more boundary-crossing from her in the future? Share your thoughts below 👇