AITA for leaving my boyfriend after he secretly hid my birth control because he wanted a baby?

My boyfriend and I agreed to wait until we were more financially stable before having kids — but he secretly hid my birth control and told others we were “trying” without ever talking to me.

I’m 26, and my boyfriend of three years (also 26) and I have lived together for most of our relationship. We met in grad school, built a balanced home life, split responsibilities evenly, and had always been on the same page — including waiting until we were financially stable before getting married or having kids. We’re comfortable now but still paying off student loans, and we’d always agreed that this wasn’t the right time yet. Recently, though, things changed in a direction I never expected. Over the last few weeks, he’s been trying to be intimate without protection, despite years of us being consistent and careful. I’m on birth control, but we had always used two methods. Then his mom made a comment about how beautiful our children would be and how excited she was to be a grandmother — a comment that felt… pointed, in hindsight.

I thought we were a solid team — so discovering he hid my birth control, planned a pregnancy behind my back, and involved his mom shattered my trust.

Everything clicked last week when my birth control pills went missing. He denied knowing where they went, so I assumed he’d accidentally tossed them out. But then the replacement pack disappeared too. When I confronted him again, he finally admitted he had taken them because he wanted us to start trying for a baby — without ever talking to me about it. He said he and his mom had discussed it and thought now was “the right time,” since we weren’t struggling financially anymore. It hurt to hear his mother was part of a conversation I wasn’t even included in. Things got worse when he admitted he’d told his parents and friends we were trying for a baby, and that he’d asked them not to tell me because I “wanted it to be a surprise.”

"He hid my birth control and told people we were trying — without ever telling me."

I felt blindsided, betrayed, and honestly afraid of how easily he dismissed my bodily autonomy and our shared plans. We hadn’t discussed engagement in years, let alone children. I told him I needed time and left for my parents’ house, telling them only that he was away for work. His mom has called me multiple times since, and even spoke to my mom — but hasn’t mentioned the real issue, which makes everything worse.

"I love him, but this feels like a huge betrayal."

I don’t know how to move forward. I never imagined he’d do something so manipulative — or involve others in a secret plan about my reproductive future. I’m devastated and confused about what comes next.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, I’m staying at my parents’ house, trying to process everything. He’s been calling and texting, and his mother keeps reaching out too — but no one is addressing the actual betrayal. Instead, it feels like they’re pretending this was just a disagreement, not a deliberate attempt to manipulate my birth control.

At home: a broken sense of trust and a relationship suddenly on shaky ground. With his family: pressure, secrecy, and a disturbing lack of accountability. With mine: confusion, because I haven’t shared the truth yet.

Consequences include emotional distance, a breach of bodily autonomy, and the realization that he made life-changing plans with everyone except me — the person actually affected.

"He told people we were trying — and asked them not to tell me."

I’m heartbroken. I never expected to feel unsafe in my own relationship, but now I’m questioning everything we built together.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t a simple disagreement about timelines — it’s a fundamental breach of trust and autonomy. Your boyfriend didn’t just pressure you; he removed your ability to make informed choices about your own body. Involving his mother and friends added layers of manipulation and secrecy.

Could you take time to talk through it? Possibly. But trust isn’t just dented here — it’s shattered. Consent, communication, and respect are core foundations of any partnership, especially one considering children. He ignored all three.

Reasonable people may differ on the future of the relationship, but nearly everyone will agree: removing someone’s birth control is never acceptable. It signals not just poor judgment, but a willingness to override your autonomy for his own desires — or for his family’s.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“This isn’t a miscommunication — it’s reproductive coercion. You’re right to step away and get space.”

“If he’ll make life-changing decisions with his mom instead of you, how would he handle marriage or parenting?”

“This would be a dealbreaker for many people. Protect yourself first, then decide what you want long-term.”

Reactions will focus heavily on consent, autonomy, and the seriousness of tampering with birth control — a violation that goes far beyond a simple relationship conflict.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’re not wrong for feeling betrayed, scared, or unsure about the future. What he did crossed a line many couples never recover from. Only you can decide what comes next, but taking space was absolutely the right first step.

Whatever you choose, prioritize your safety, your autonomy, and your emotional well-being. You deserve a partner who discusses life-changing decisions with you — not behind your back.

What do you think?
Should she give him another chance after such a breach, or is this where the relationship ends? Share your thoughts below 👇