AITA for choosing to live full-time with my dad because my mom kept pressuring me to sacrifice for her stepkids?

After years of being pushed to give up my activities, my hobbies, and even field trips so my mom’s stepkids wouldn’t feel jealous, I finally chose to live with my dad full-time. Now my mom is calling me selfish.

My parents divorced over 10 years ago. Since then, my sister (15) and I (16) spent a week at a time with each parent. Dad has more money, so he always covered our activities, field trips, and hobbies. Mom never minded—until she remarried. Her husband has three kids, and they all live with them. After the marriage, everything changed. Mom suddenly had a problem with us doing our activities because her stepkids couldn't afford theirs, and jealousy started causing constant fights at her house.

I chose to stay with my dad full-time because I’m tired of fighting, tired of sacrificing, and tired of being told my hobbies should come second to her stepkids’ feelings.

Ever since Mom remarried when I was 9, her husband’s kids have been jealous of any activity my sister and I did. They were jealous of dance, jealous of art classes, jealous of photography, jealous of field trips—even though Dad was the one paying for everything. Mom kept trying to force Dad to pull us out of our activities. They went back to court multiple times because she wanted “fairness” between us and her stepkids.

"Every time I went to her house she’d ask me to sacrifice my hobbies for her stepkids’ feelings."

I love art and photography. My sister loves dance and wants to turn it into a career. Mom knows this, but she still pushed us to give it up because her stepkids “felt bad” that they couldn’t do the same. After my half sisters were born, she pressured us even more. Her husband complained too, but he was easier to ignore. Mom wasn’t. Eventually the fighting got so bad I stopped going to her house.

"I told her it’s not my job to give things up just because her stepkids are jealous."

Our custody agreement says that at 16 we can choose which house to live in, so I chose Dad’s. Mom lost it. Every week she demands explanations, tries to guilt me, and tells me to come back to “her family.” I told her it isn’t my family, not anymore, and she made it that way by always choosing her stepkids’ feelings over ours.

🏠 The Aftermath

Now Mom is furious and says I’m selfish. She calls every visit with my sister a reminder that I “abandoned” her household. I’ve refused every attempt at a sit-down, because nothing she says changes the past or the pressure she put on us.

At her house: the jealousy, the arguments, and the constant demands never stopped. At Dad’s: I can pursue my hobbies without being punished for it.

The situation has created distance between Mom and both of us, increased tension with her stepkids, and left her convinced I don’t care about her feelings—when really, I just reached my breaking point after years of being asked to sacrifice for people who aren’t my responsibility.

"I'm done fighting about this. I just want them all to leave me alone."

It hurts because I still love my mom, but I can’t keep giving up the parts of my life that matter to me just to keep the peace in a house that never feels peaceful.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t a simple case of refusing to compromise. It’s years of accumulated pressure—being asked to shrink yourself so others won’t feel jealous. Your hobbies and dreams shouldn’t be sacrificed to even out someone else’s household finances.

Could you have handled conversations differently? Maybe. But you communicated your needs, and they were ignored repeatedly. Your mom’s job is to support all her children, not make one set give up everything for the other.

Reasonable people may see your choice as a boundary, not selfishness—especially when you’re old enough to choose where you feel safe, supported, and heard.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“It’s not selfish to protect your hobbies and mental health. Your mom created this imbalance, not you.”

“Her stepkids’ feelings aren’t your responsibility. Forcing you to give up your interests was unfair from the start.”

“Choosing the stable parent isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Your mom needs to work on her priorities.”

Most responses would highlight the emotional pressure placed on you, the unfair expectations, and the impossible environment created in your mom’s house.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Sometimes protecting your wellbeing means stepping away from people you love. You didn’t choose this split—your mom did when she kept prioritizing “fairness” over your actual needs.

You can love your mom and still need distance from the chaos she allowed. Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re necessary.

What do you think?
Was choosing your dad’s house the right call, or should you have tried to keep splitting time? Share your thoughts below 👇