AITA for refusing to be my best friend’s MOH after she planned her wedding one month before mine?

My best friend announced she was getting married a month before my long-planned wedding, then demanded I be her MOH—complete with shopping, planning, and expenses I can’t afford. When I said no, everything exploded.

My wedding is set for May 2026, and I’ve been planning it for a long time. It’s already stressful and expensive. My best friend, Sara, is my maid of honor. Over dinner, she suddenly told me she’s getting married in April 2026—just one month before mine. She said the venue was available and immediately asked me to be her MOH. Then she started talking about dress shopping, planning her bachelorette trip, and helping with everything, as if I wasn’t already drowning in my own wedding tasks and expenses.

I told her I couldn’t take on her entire wedding a month before my own—she got angry and said if I wouldn’t be her MOH, I shouldn’t come at all.

When I told her that planning her wedding on top of mine would overwhelm me financially and mentally, she brushed it off and said we “just need to get started.” I reminded her I’m already tight on money because of my own wedding and can’t afford dresses, trips, or extra events without going into debt. I even pointed out she’s made comments before about how she should be getting married first, which made her timing feel petty and intentional.

"You know I'm stressed and tight on money—why would you put all this on me a month before my own wedding?"

She got mad and said I don’t control her wedding date and she can plan it whenever she wants. Then she told me that if I wasn’t going to be her MOH and help plan everything, I shouldn't come to the wedding at all. So I told her okay, wished her good luck, and walked away from the situation entirely.

"If you won't be my MOH, then don't come at all."

Now I’m getting mixed responses from people in my life. Some think I overreacted. Others think she planned her date out of jealousy and set you up to fail. For context, she got engaged just last weekend—on her one-year anniversary—and immediately started planning a wedding that lands right before mine.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, we’re not speaking. She told me not to come if I wouldn’t be her MOH, so I stepped back. I’m continuing to plan my own wedding, but now with added drama and confusion over whether our friendship will survive this.

On her side: she believes her date is her choice and I should support her no matter what. On mine: I cannot juggle two weddings in a four-week window, financially or emotionally.

The fallout includes a halted friendship, pressure from others weighing in, and a deep feeling that her timing wasn’t just coincidence but competitiveness or resentment bubbling up.

"It already felt intentional—like she couldn't handle me getting married first."

I’m relieved I set a boundary, but I’m also sad. I didn’t picture my wedding year looking like a rivalry or ultimatum between best friends.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict isn’t just about dates—it’s about emotional bandwidth, money, expectations, and a friendship dynamic that suddenly shifted. Planning two weddings so close together is objectively overwhelming, especially when you’re already stretched thin.

Could you have phrased things more gently? Maybe. But your core concern is valid: no one should demand unpaid labor, travel, dress costs, and party planning from someone who is already planning their own wedding.

Reasonable people could argue she was excited and rushed into planning—but they could also point out that her past comments about “getting married first” make the timing feel less innocent.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Two weddings a month apart? She set you up to fail and then punished you for it.”

“You can support her, but not at the cost of debt and burnout. Your boundary was fair.”

“Her ultimatum was unreasonable. A friend wouldn’t make their wedding a competition.”

Reactions tend to focus on the unreasonable expectations, the competitiveness in timing, and how impossible the MOH role becomes when your own wedding is weeks away.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Wedding years should be joyful, not combative. Setting a boundary doesn’t make you unsupportive—it makes you human. You can’t pour time, money, and energy into someone else’s wedding when you’re barely keeping up with your own.

If the friendship heals, it will be because she realizes planning a wedding is stressful for everyone—not just her. If it doesn’t, this may have revealed incompatibilities that were always there.

What do you think?
Would you have tried to juggle both weddings, or walked away from her ultimatum? Share your thoughts below 👇