AITA for refusing to give my sister $30,000 from my dad’s inheritance for her wedding?

I cared for my dad through his long illness and he left me a large portion of his estate — now my sister wants $30k to fund a lavish wedding and my family says I should share. I said no, and it’s exploded into accusations and guilt.

My dad died last year after a long illness. I (28F) moved back home to care for him — managing appointments, emergencies, bills, and daily care — and we grew very close. My sister (32F) lives out of state and visited only twice in his last year. When our dad wrote his will, he left me the majority of the liquid assets in recognition of the role I played; my sister received sentimental items like jewelry and a restored car she loved. Earlier this year she got engaged and started planning an expensive destination wedding well beyond her means. A month ago she asked me to give her $30,000 to pay for venue and catering, saying “Dad would’ve wanted you to use some of that inheritance to make my wedding special.” I declined.

I’m the daughter who gave up years of my life caring for Dad; he left me money to build stability, not to bankroll a wedding — I said no to $30k and now my family says I’m tearing us apart.

I told my sister no — I’m using the inheritance to pay off student loans and save for a house. She reacted angrily, accusing me of being selfish and choosing money over family. My mom started pressuring me too, saying Dad would’ve wanted me to share and that I’m tearing the family apart. Some relatives have texted that it’s “just money” and I’ll make more, while others think asking for $30k is unreasonable given how the will was set up.

"She told me 'Dad would’ve wanted you to use some of that inheritance to make my wedding special.'"

I explained that Dad explicitly left his assets the way he did because of what I sacrificed while caring for him. I reminded Mom and my sister that if Dad wanted to fund the wedding he could have allocated money for it. My sister has since told relatives I’m punishing her for not being present during Dad’s illness — which feels like a painful twist, because part of me is resentful that she didn’t help when it mattered most.

"She says I’m choosing money over family and is threatening not to invite me unless I 'do the right thing.'"

Now I’m being guilted by my mom and some relatives, pressured by texts and comments, and worried I’ll be cut out of family events if I don’t comply. I’m conflicted — part of me understands the desire to help, but another part remembers long nights and hard work caring for Dad and thinks the money should help me secure a stable future rather than finance a luxury wedding.

🏠 The Aftermath

For now, I’ve stood my ground and refused the $30,000. My sister is angry and has threatened to exclude me from the wedding if I don’t change my mind. My mom continues to pressure me to "share" for family harmony. Some relatives have sided with my sister and criticized me publicly; others privately support my decision to honor Dad’s written wishes.

Consequences include strained relationships, possible exclusion from milestone events, and a fair amount of social pressure and guilt. Financially, I’ve kept the funds earmarked for debt reduction and a down payment, which will materially improve my stability and independence.

"Dad left the money to me knowing what I’d sacrificed — using it to secure my future feels like honoring that choice."

Emotionally, I’m left juggling resentment, grief, and the complicated expectation that I should convert my hard-won security into a wedding present for the sibling who wasn’t present during the hardest time.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict sits at the intersection of grief, expectation, and fairness. The will is a clear legal and moral statement from your dad about how he wanted his assets distributed. Respecting that is reasonable — especially when the distribution explicitly reflects caregiving contributions. At the same time, family gatherings and weddings are emotional events where relatives often hope to soften tensions with gifts or compromises.

There’s no single “right” answer that heals everyone: some will say generosity can bridge wounds, others will say honoring the will and your own future is vital. The deeper issue is unresolved hurt over who was present during Dad’s illness and how that labour was valued — and your sister’s request reopened that wound.

If you value family peace, small gestures or a clear conversation about boundaries and intentions might help — but you are not obligated to sacrifice your financial security, especially when the will reflects your father’s chosen recognition of your care.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“The will is explicit — he gave you the money for a reason. You earned it through care; don’t let guilt strip you of your future.”

“Family harmony matters, but a $30k gift is huge. Why didn’t your sister plan within her means if she wanted a stress-free start?”

“Consider a middle ground — a smaller, meaningful contribution or an honest sit-down to acknowledge past hurts, but don’t be coerced.”

Reactions will vary, but the main themes are honoring the deceased’s wishes, fairness for caregiver compensation, and whether emotional appeals justify a major financial sacrifice.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You carried the day-to-day responsibility for your father; the will reflects his choice to acknowledge that sacrifice. Choosing financial stability over funding an extravagant wedding is a defensible, practical decision — especially when the request is large enough to derail your plans and security.

That said, family relationships are fragile after a loss, and honesty, firm boundaries, and perhaps a modest, voluntary gesture (if you feel able) could ease tensions without endangering your future. Whatever you decide, it’s reasonable to protect the inheritance intended to help you recover and move forward.

What do you think?
Would you give such a large gift to preserve family peace, or prioritize the stability your dad intended? Share your thoughts below 👇