AITA for telling my husband I couldn’t stay married if he kept training for triathlons year-round?

My husband’s triathlon training consumed our family life, and when he said he wanted to do them nonstop, I admitted I couldn’t live like that—sparking a major rift between us.

We’ve been married 15 years and have three kids under 10. Fitness has always been a shared interest, but last year my husband trained for his first triathlon, and it took over our home life. For more than three months he worked out nearly every day—sometimes for hours after his job—and often didn’t see the kids at all. I spent that time essentially solo-parenting. After he completed the race, he immediately started talking about doing another one right away. When I asked what his long-term plan was, he said he wanted to compete throughout the year. I told him honestly that I didn’t think I could handle that lifestyle indefinitely.

I wasn’t trying to control him—I was trying to be honest about a life I knew I couldn’t sustain while raising our kids alone every training season.

His reaction was immediate: he said I was unsupportive and sabotaging him. He compared it to dating someone and expecting them to quit a hobby, but for me it wasn’t about the hobby—it was the reality of raising three young kids alone while he spent hours training every day. I wasn’t giving ultimatums; I was acknowledging my limits. A life where he trained continuously wasn’t one I could manage or agree to.

"I really didn’t think I could do that and that it might be best if we part ways."

Eventually he said he’d drop triathlons because our family is “the most important thing.” But months later he still makes snide comments or brings it up during arguments. It’s unclear whether he’s holding onto resentment or trying to pressure me into changing my mind. Meanwhile, I remain certain: I cannot live a life where I’m effectively parenting alone so he can pursue an intensive year-round sport.

"Even though it was 'unsupportive' on paper, the most supportive thing I can do is step away and let him chase his dreams."

Now we’re stuck: he feels wronged, and I feel unheard. We haven’t figured out how to move forward when our needs and expectations clash so deeply. The tension lingers in every conversation, and the unresolved resentment is starting to weigh on our marriage.

🏠 The Aftermath

Today, he’s not training for triathlons, but the bitterness hasn’t gone away. His comments—little jabs about how I “made” him quit—surface randomly, especially during arguments.

At home, we’re functioning as a family, but there’s a quiet strain. He still feels like he gave something up. I feel like I spent months parenting alone while he trained.

The ongoing tension has become its own problem: neither of us is fully satisfied, and our communication is suffering under the weight of resentment and mismatched expectations.

"Resentment lingers even when the race is long over."

What should have been a moment of compromise has instead turned into a long-term conflict. We’re still trying to figure out how to rebuild trust and balance ambition with family life.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This conflict isn’t about fitness—it’s about bandwidth, partnership, and realistic expectations while raising young kids. His passion demands hours of daily training, and those hours come directly from family time.

Could I have ignored how draining his training was? Maybe. But doing so would have meant silently accepting a lifestyle where I’m overwhelmed and unsupported. From his perspective, giving up what fulfills him feels like losing part of his identity.

Neither of us is a villain here; we’re two people whose goals collided. The challenge now is whether we can find a sustainable middle ground or whether this incompatibility becomes a defining fracture in our marriage.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“It’s not unsupportive to need a present partner while raising three young kids. Marathons of training come with real costs.”

“He’s allowed to have hobbies, but not at the expense of abandoning his family every day for hours.”

“You two need counseling—this resentment will rot the marriage if it isn’t addressed.”

Many readers would likely focus on the imbalance of labor, clashing priorities, and the deeper resentment under the surface.

🌱 Final Thoughts

This is ultimately about compatibility. When one partner’s passion demands hours a day, the other ends up carrying the weight at home, and that strain adds up fast.

You were honest about your limits, and he sacrificed something meaningful—but the resentment remains unresolved, and that’s the real hurdle now.

What do you think?
Is this a clash of lifestyles that can be reconciled, or a sign of deeper incompatibility? Share your thoughts below 👇