AITA for staying calm after another woman told me my husband has been cheating just months into our marriage?

While I was out of town, a stranger messaged me to say my husband has been cheating on me since right after our wedding — he just broke up with her, claims he’s “happy” with me, and now I’m supposed to go home and decide what to do with a marriage that’s barely five months old.

We’ve known each other since I was 16 and he was 17, and we’ve been together for about ten years. We finally got married five months ago, and I honestly thought I’d found my person. I was out of town visiting my parents when I got a follow request on Facebook and Instagram from a girl I didn’t know. Normally I ignore these, but something about this one gave me a weird gut feeling — I literally started shaking. Instead of accepting, I messaged her to ask if we knew each other. She said we didn’t, that she knew it might be awkward, but she needed to talk to me in person as soon as possible. Since I’m away and she’s a total stranger, I pushed for an online conversation. That’s when she told me it was about my husband, and I knew instantly that something was very wrong. She said he’d been cheating on me with her for months, that he had just broken up with her that day, and that she felt I deserved to know. They apparently met online first, then in person. She knew he was married because he told her. She said he would go to her place when I was working late and even have sleepovers when I was out of town, all while coming home to me and telling me he loved me like nothing was wrong.

I’m away visiting my family when a woman I’ve never met messages me to say my husband of five months has been sleeping with her whenever I work late or travel — and now that he’s dumped her to “protect” our relationship, I’m left pretending everything is fine until I confront him face to face.

According to her, he told her straight up that he was married, but still chose to carry on. She asked him why he got married at all if he was going to cheat, and she says he told her he felt pressured because we’d been together for around ten years when he proposed. He supposedly told her that marriage is just a big expensive party and nothing more than a piece of paper. When I asked her why they broke up if he felt that way, she told me he ended things because he’s “basically happy” in our relationship and doesn’t want to risk losing it. Meanwhile, I was at home planning our future, talking about starting a family next year, and thinking everything was fine. He still told me he loved me, bought me flowers last week for no reason, and never gave me any obvious sign that he was living a double life.

"He told her he only got married because of pressure, that it was just a big expensive party and nothing more than a piece of paper."

Right now, I feel hollow. I can’t even cry yet; it’s like there’s just this numb weight in my chest. I told her not to tell him that she’d spoken to me because I want to confront him in person once I’m home. Part of me is grateful she reached out, but another part of me is angry that she dropped this on me now, after months of seeing him, instead of sooner. I even drafted a message asking her for evidence, because this is such a huge accusation and I know he could try to spin it as “her word against his,” but I couldn’t bring myself to send it. I don’t know if I can handle seeing screenshots or photos and knowing every detail yet. Just knowing it happened at all already feels like too much.

"Believe it or not, he is kind of sensitive and caring, and I honestly don’t think he’ll gaslight me — if I bring it up, I think he’ll admit it."

My plan is to come home, act normal, and then have a very direct conversation. I even thought about easing into it by telling him a “story” about a new friend who found out her weekend hookup was married — and then revealing the plot twist: he’s the guy, I’m the wife, and the “friend” is the woman who messaged me. I’ve been rereading the vows he wrote, replaying the last few months in my head, trying to figure out how he managed to cheat right after our wedding without me noticing anything. I don’t know yet whether I’ll stay or go. Part of me believes marriage is sacred and wants to try counseling before walking away; another part knows that maybe I’m just prolonging the inevitable. I’m not in the right headspace to make a permanent decision, so for now I’m just pretending everything is okay while I wait to confront him and see how he responds.

🏠 The Aftermath

At this point, the affair is supposedly over — she says he broke up with her the same day she messaged me — but the emotional fallout for me is just beginning. I’m still out of town, sleeping badly, reading and rereading what she wrote, and trying to hold myself together enough to get home without tipping him off that I know anything.

On the outside, I’m playing the role of the unsuspecting wife: answering his messages, talking about my weekend with my parents, and pretending everything is normal. On the inside, I’m questioning our entire ten-year relationship, our five-month marriage, and the future I thought we were building together. I feel like I’ve been knocked back to square one in life — except now, square one comes with a wedding ring, joint plans, and the knowledge that he used my late nights at work and my trips away to sleep at someone else’s place.

There’s no big dramatic showdown yet, no final decision, just a quiet, horrible waiting game. I’m trying to figure out what I’ll say, how I’ll say it, and what I’ll do if he admits everything or, worse, tries to minimize it. I know that whatever happens next — counseling, separation, or divorce — our marriage is no longer what I thought it was when we said our vows.

"We’ve been married for five months and he basically started cheating right after — I thought I’d found my person, and now I feel like my whole life got reset against my will."

I’m stuck between the part of me that still loves him and remembers him as my best friend, and the part that knows he chose to risk everything for a fling and only stopped when it threatened the life he’s comfortable in. That contradiction is what hurts the most.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t just about cheating; it’s about discovering that the person you’ve known since your teens could say vows with you and then almost immediately turn around and build a secret relationship on the side. For me, marriage is sacred and something I had wanted with him from the very beginning — which makes it even harder to reconcile that belief with what he chose to do.

There’s a huge tension between the “sensitive, caring” man I thought I married and the man who told another woman that our wedding was basically just pressure and a fancy party. It’s confusing to love someone deeply and still recognize that they have done something cruel and selfish. At the same time, I understand why part of me clings to the idea of counseling, of trying to fix this, because walking away from a decade-long relationship over something that technically “already ended” feels like ripping up my entire life.

Reasonable people will disagree on what I should do: some will say cheating so early in a marriage is a hard line and I should cut my losses; others will say that if he’s honest, remorseful, and truly committed to changing, counseling might be worth a try. Right now, I’m just trying to give myself permission to feel all of it — the numbness, the anger, the grief, and the tiny bit of hope that maybe I can come out of this stronger, with or without him.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“He didn’t ‘slip up’ years into a rough patch — he chose to cheat months into your marriage and only stopped when it threatened his comfort. That’s a massive red flag.”

“You’re not naive for being in shock and wanting time, but make sure you protect yourself: get the facts, get tested, and think about what kind of partner you actually want long-term.”

“If you stay, it needs to be on your terms — full honesty, counseling, and real change — not because he decided you’re ‘good enough’ to keep while he experiments on the side.”

Reactions will likely split between those who see early infidelity as a dealbreaker and those who believe a single affair can be worked through with transparency and effort, but most will agree you deserve the truth, autonomy, and time to decide what your future should look like.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Finding out your brand-new spouse has been cheating feels like someone pulled the floor out from under your entire life. It’s not just the betrayal; it’s the way it warps your memories, your plans, and the story you thought you were living together.

There’s no single “right” reaction — only boundaries. Whether you choose counseling, separation, or a clean break, you’re allowed to take up space with your pain, ask hard questions, and insist that your needs matter at least as much as his fear of losing what he almost threw away.

What do you think?
Would you walk away from a marriage this new after an affair, or try to stay and rebuild with strict conditions? Share your thoughts below 👇