AITA for refusing to take my niece to school every day even though my brother and SIL moved back in?
My brother’s family temporarily moved into our mum’s house, and now I’m being pressured to handle school drop-offs despite my irregular healthcare shifts — and apparently I’m “selfish” for saying no.
I’m 23, live with my mum, and pay her rent while also doing most of the housework. I work in healthcare with unpredictable hours — overnight shifts, early shifts, late shifts, everything. My brother (31), his wife Rose (31), and their 6-year-old daughter just moved in because their new house turned out to be a disaster: broken toilet, broken shower, no heating, and a month of repairs ahead. Almost immediately, Rose asked if I could take their daughter to school every morning. The school is a five-minute drive from the hospital where I work, and normally a neighbour used to take her. But with my schedule, I genuinely cannot commit — some days I get home at 9–10am after a night shift, other days I leave before sunrise.
I told my SIL I can’t promise school drop-offs with my unpredictable shifts — and suddenly I’m the selfish one.
Rose said I should “just explain to my boss” that I need mornings free. But in healthcare, if you demand restricted availability, they cut your shifts. That’s my rent, my bills, my life. I also pointed out that the school is a 15-minute walk from my mum’s house — a safe, flat walk. I even showed her on Google Maps. She still insisted it was “too far to walk with a young child.” When I suggested walking as the obvious solution, she got upset.
"Why can’t you just explain to your boss you need to be available for school drop-off?”
Later, Mum said Rose came to her crying about how I “refused to help.” My mum suggested it would be a nice gesture, but she didn’t pressure me after I explained. But now my brother is furious, calling me selfish. He keeps repeating that “even the neighbour could do it” and implying that I’m refusing out of spite. I honestly feel like I’m losing my mind, considering my mum walked ME to that same school every day from this house.
"It’s a small ask — our neighbour used to do it and you’re refusing."
I feel guilty, but also… I literally cannot guarantee I even sleep before 8am some days. And Rose refuses to walk her own daughter 15 minutes to school. Am I actually being unreasonable?
🏠 The Aftermath
Rose is upset, my brother is angry, and somehow my work schedule has become *my* fault. My mum is trying to stay neutral but thinks helping “would be nice,” even though she understands my constraints.
Walking is still the simplest, safest, and most realistic option — but Rose refuses, and instead the responsibility keeps getting pushed onto me because I’m the youngest and “already live here.”
The tension is rising in a house that was already crowded, and I’m starting to feel like the bad guy simply because I won’t sacrifice my job stability for their convenience.
"Being family doesn’t mean becoming everyone else’s default childcare plan."
I want to help when I can — but not at the expense of my career, income, sleep, and health. Especially when the alternative is a perfectly manageable walk.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This situation isn’t about being selfish — it’s about boundaries and realistic expectations. Healthcare workers can’t just “ask their boss” to never schedule them at certain times. Your job keeps people alive. Their request keeps Rose from taking a short walk.
It’s understandable that they’re stressed with their housing crisis, but that stress doesn’t give them the right to demand labor you can’t physically or professionally provide. Helping when you can is generous; being expected to rearrange your entire livelihood is unreasonable.
Reasonable people would see that walking 15 minutes with a healthy 6-year-old is normal — millions of families do it every day.
Here’s how the community might see it:
“Their lack of planning is not your obligation — especially when you work night shifts.”
“If Rose refuses to walk 15 minutes, that’s her problem — not yours.”
“You’re paying rent, doing housework, working irregular shifts — you’re not their live-in nanny.”
Most people would agree this is a boundary issue disguised as a “small favor,” and you’re not wrong for holding your ground.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Helping family is wonderful — when it’s *help*, not an expectation. You didn’t fail them; they failed to take responsibility for their own morning routine.
You deserve respect for your work, your time, and your life. Refusing an unsustainable request doesn’t make you selfish — it makes you sane.
What do you think?
Should you bend for family convenience, or are your boundaries completely reasonable here? Share your thoughts below 👇
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