AITA for wanting to quit couples therapy after the therapist framed me as controlling and manipulative?

My girlfriend and I sought therapy to bridge our differences — but after our individual sessions, the therapist painted me in a harsh, one-sided way that left both of us hurt and confused.

My girlfriend (24F) and I (29F) deeply love each other, but we’re very different: I’m energetic, nomadic, and constantly trying new things, while she prefers staying home and avoiding too much socializing. These differences have caused friction, so we started couples therapy. Our first joint session was fine, but everything shifted after our individual ones. In mine, the therapist told me my partner said I take her for granted and never prioritize her. I explained the things I do — visiting her family, thoughtful gestures, trying hard to meet her needs — and admitted I sometimes feel I’m never enough. None of that was acknowledged.

I went to therapy hoping for understanding, but instead I was told I dominate the relationship, don’t sacrifice, don’t appreciate my partner, and run things “my way or the highway” — none of which reflects how we make decisions together.

Instead, she told me I dominate decisions — what we eat, what we do, and who we spend time with — which simply isn’t true. We make choices together, and I actively try to respect my girlfriend’s comfort levels. She also accused me of being unwilling to sacrifice, not recognizing my partner’s efforts, and being rigid and selfish. I left the session in tears, feeling shamed and unheard. It didn’t stop there. In my girlfriend’s session, the therapist repeatedly asked whether she was sure she didn’t want to leave me and described me as manipulative. She even claimed I placed my hand on my partner’s thigh during the joint session to silence her, when I was simply trying to comfort her.

"She framed me as rigid, selfish, and controlling — without listening to anything I tried to explain."

My girlfriend later told me she felt deeply uncomfortable with how the therapist twisted her words. She didn’t feel the therapist was siding with her — she felt the therapist was unfairly villainizing me. She was upset that comments about sometimes wanting more reassurance were turned into accusations that I never prioritize her at all. It caused both of us emotional distress.

"Even my partner said she felt the therapist was biased and too intense toward me."

I’m open to self-reflection and I know I can be rigid sometimes. But the therapist’s approach felt harsh, shaming, and anything but constructive. It triggered old wounds and left me feeling small and unworthy. There aren’t other couples therapists nearby, so I’m stuck wondering whether to try again or walk away entirely.

🏠 The Aftermath

My girlfriend and I left our individual sessions feeling shaken. Instead of helping us understand each other, the therapist created mistrust and emotional damage. I felt shamed and misunderstood, and my partner felt her words had been twisted into something extreme.

There was no constructive plan offered, no balance, and no mutual accountability — only accusations aimed at me. My partner didn’t agree with that assessment and was upset on my behalf.

Now we’re unsure whether to continue with someone who already created so much discomfort. It feels less like therapy and more like harm.

"Instead of helping us grow, it felt like the therapist was trying to fracture our relationship."

I wanted guidance, not judgment. And I’m left with more questions than clarity about whether this therapist is right for us — or for anyone.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This experience wasn’t “tough love” or healthy confrontation — it felt unbalanced and emotionally harmful. Therapy should challenge you, but it shouldn’t shame you or deny your perspective entirely.

I know I have things to work on. I’m not perfect. But being labeled controlling, selfish, and manipulative without context or curiosity doesn’t support growth — it crushes it. My partner’s distress shows that something was off in the therapist’s approach, not just in me.

Some people believe therapists should push hard; others believe safety and neutrality matter most. I’m struggling to tell the difference when the process felt more like an attack than a path toward healing.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“A therapist should never shame you or jump to extreme labels without listening. That’s not constructive.”

“It’s a good sign that your partner noticed the bias too — that means you’re not imagining it.”

“Healthy confrontation involves dialogue, not character assassination. This sounds more harmful than helpful.”

Reactions would likely focus on the therapist’s imbalance, the emotional harm caused, and whether continuing with this person is safe or productive.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Couples therapy should help two people understand each other more deeply — not tear one of them down. What happened here left both of us feeling misunderstood and unsettled.

Maybe a different therapist would offer real guidance. Maybe staying with this one would only deepen the hurt. Either way, this experience was a reminder that therapy is supposed to heal, not harm.

What do you think?
Would you give this therapist another chance, or walk away and trust your instincts? Share your thoughts below 👇