My boyfriend (41M) has an expensive hobby so we have to live very frugally and it's starting to bother me (39F), I'm not sure what to do.

November 29, 2025

AITA for feeling stuck because my boyfriend’s expensive sailing hobby limits our lifestyle?

My boyfriend spends over $3,000 monthly on his pre-owned sailboat and all the costs that come with it, while we maintain frugal living. Although I support his passion, I’m conflicted because it restricts how we live and what we can enjoy together.

✍︎

I’m a 39-year-old woman dating a 41-year-old who spends heavily on his sailboat hobby, which he bought before we met. While I appreciate how much joy sailing brings him, his expensive passion forces us to live frugally, limiting where we live and what we can do together.

We’ve been together about a year and mostly split expenses. He lives very simply—a tiny condo, no car, and basic meals—so he can afford the roughly $3,000 a month his boat costs him in fees, maintenance, and fuel. I don’t mind his lifestyle, but it clashes with my wish for occasional splurges, bigger living space, and more diverse activities.

"He lives very frugally to be able to afford this hobby."

Since we don’t live together partly because the budget constraints would force us into a smaller apartment or less convenient location, I often do pricier activities solo or with friends. He prefers inexpensive or free local events and is committed to saving a large portion of his income.

"If we moved in together, we’d have to choose a smaller apartment or move somewhere else."

I’m stuck feeling like I don’t want to ask him to give up his passion or save less, nor do I want to cause imbalance by covering more expenses. I’m uncertain if I’m being immature or if it’s reasonable to want more from life. At the same time, he’s a wonderful partner, and I’m unsure whether to accept this or move on.

🏠 The Aftermath

Currently, the relationship involves compromise around his frugal lifestyle that supports sailing, while I sometimes feel limited in how we spend time and where we live.

We haven’t moved in together yet because finding an apartment that suits both our financial and lifestyle preferences is challenging.

There’s tension within me about whether to push for more balance or accept his priorities considering he’s financially responsible and the boat was his before us.

"He’s not asking me to pay for any of it but it’s not a interest I share."

I’m grateful for his conscientious saving and the peace sailing brings him, yet I’m left wondering how compatible our expectations are for lifestyle and spending.