AITA for refusing more intimacy and my husband leaving after six years together?

We had a loving, low-conflict marriage—except for one thing: our mismatched intimacy needs. I felt once a week was sustainable; he wanted far more, and he eventually walked out.

My husband (37M) and I (34F) were together 6 years, married for 3. We split chores, shared hobbies, rarely fought, and paid bills proportionally. From the start I knew my libido was low; I’m neutral on intimacy and could go months without it. We negotiated a compromise—once a week—and I stuck to it for years. A few months ago he said he was still frustrated and wanted intimacy every other day or several times a week. I said I couldn’t do that, which is why we set once a week. He said he couldn’t be happy that way. After all this time—he decided to leave.

I’m the wife with a lower libido who kept the once-a-week compromise, and he moved out because he wanted more. I own the house and pets; he’s now in a cramped apartment, and I’m processing how our good marriage fell apart over intimacy frequency.

He moved out. It was my house we lived in—bought before I met him—and my pets, also pre-relationship. Half his hobby gear is now in storage because his new place is tiny. He even sold his antique car since he couldn’t park it at the apartment and I wouldn’t store it here. Money is tighter for him now; I used to cover more than half the bills because I earn over double his income. I told him I didn’t care if he dated while we start the divorce—I know he wasn’t cheating; he’s loyal. But he said weekly intimacy wasn’t enough and didn’t think he could be happy.

"We agreed on once a week because that’s what I can handle."

I spent months devastated. Now I’m climbing out of it and seeing how surreal it is: a kind, thoughtful partner, a stable home, and a single unsolved mismatch that swallowed the rest. He wanted intimacy every other day or a few times a week; I couldn’t promise that. Our solid marriage cracked not from betrayal or cruelty—but from incompatible needs neither of us could change.

"After six years and a marriage, it took this long to decide once a week wasn’t enough."

He’s in a cramped, pet-free apartment, missing much of what he enjoys. I’m rebuilding in the home we made together. I’m not gloating—just acknowledging the irony that he chose this and now appears miserable. I think he’ll settle eventually. As for me, I’m venting, not looking for advice; the decisions are made.

🏠 The Aftermath

We’re separated. He moved into a small apartment that doesn’t allow pets, with many of his belongings in storage. He sold his antique car because he couldn’t keep it there and I wouldn’t store it here.

Finances hit him hard since I used to shoulder more than half the bills. I remain in my home with the pets and handle life solo while we start the divorce process. There’s no cheating, no dramatic blow-ups—just distance and logistics.

The concrete consequence for both of us: a stable, mostly happy marriage ended over intimacy frequency. He’s hoping for a lifestyle that meets his needs; I’m protecting my boundaries and capacity.

"When compatibility breaks, even a peaceful home can’t hold the pieces together."

I’m grieving what we had and relieved I stayed honest about what I can give. It’s painful that something so personal became a dealbreaker.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This wasn’t about anyone being “horrible.” It was an immovable mismatch. I kept a boundary that protected my wellbeing; he pursued the level of intimacy he needs. Neither is wrong—just incompatible.

Could I have pushed myself past once a week? Maybe temporarily, but not sustainably. Could he accept less? Maybe briefly, but he’d stay resentful. We tried compromise; it didn’t resolve the gap.

Reasonable people will disagree: some prioritize marital compromise at all costs; others see intimacy compatibility as foundational. We landed on opposite sides of a very human divide.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“NAH. Intimacy compatibility matters. You honored your capacity; he honored his needs. It’s sad, not villainous.”

“He shouldn’t have married hoping you’d change, but you also can’t force yourself into a frequency you can’t sustain.”

“Once-a-week was a clear deal; if he wanted more, ending it cleanly beats festering resentment or cheating.”

Reactions split between respecting boundaries and lamenting the loss of a good relationship.

🌱 Final Thoughts

We built a quiet, happy life—and still couldn’t bridge one core difference. Ending things hurt, but asking either person to live resentful or depleted would’ve hurt more.

Incompatibility isn’t failure; it’s information.

What do you think?
When a compromise still leaves someone unhappy, is it kinder to part ways or keep trying? Share your thoughts below 👇