AITA for threatening to call off our engagement because my fiancé won’t support me while our baby is hospitalized?

Our three-month-old was admitted for pneumonia after visiting my parents — we only went because I needed help with the baby. The pediatrician insisted on IV antibiotics, but my fiancé refuses to stay, blames my family (and me), and won’t take leave to help at the hospital.

Our son is three months old and we’ve been staying with my fiancé’s family since I gave birth because I needed help; his mom usually helps but she’s been out of town and the rest of the family only chips in occasionally. I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding and exhausted — a few days ago I asked my parents if we could stay with them so I could rest because they’re very hands-on grandparents. Unfortunately, one of my parents caught the flu and passed it on to the baby; he’s now admitted with pneumonia. The pediatrician recommended IV antibiotics and monitoring, which I agreed to despite my fiancé wanting to treat him at home. Once admitted, the staff struggled to get an IV line and the situation felt worse than I expected. My fiancé was distraught — I even saw him crying while holding our baby — but then began blaming me for bringing the baby to my parents and for agreeing to admission.

I asked my parents for help because I was physically and mentally exhausted breastfeeding a newborn — that visit led to my son catching the flu and being hospitalized, and now my fiancé refuses to stay with us or take leave, saying it’s my family’s fault.

The pediatrician estimates a minimum three-day stay for IV antibiotics and monitoring; there’s also a possibility we’ll bring him home with an IV line and need to manage it carefully. I extended my unpaid leave for a week and asked my fiancé to take leave too — he has available leave and even a mandatory five-day block — but he refused, saying I should get my family to help since it was their fault the baby got sick. He’s been present sometimes but says he won’t stay tomorrow, and when he does help he does so begrudgingly. He has blamed me for the decision to admit our son and for bringing him to my parents’ house in the first place.

"The pediatrician strongly advised IV antibiotics — I agreed because I was worried about his breathing and the risk."

Seeing him cry in the hospital was confusing — I felt both sympathy and stunned hurt when he turned around and blamed me. I’m carrying the primary caregiver role: breastfeeding, staying at the hospital, and handling most needs while worrying about our son’s health. The idea that he’d prioritize work and refuse to take leave or even stay overnight terrifies me; I’m questioning whether this is the kind of partner I want for the long term and whether I should call off the engagement if he won’t support us during a crisis.

"He told me to ask my family for help and said it was my fault our baby is here — I said 'OK' and haven't spoken to him since."

I haven’t told my parents about how he’s been acting because that feels like admitting the end of something important. Part of me wants to fight for us and hope he comes around; a bigger part is scared that this is a preview of future crises. I’m debating telling him that if he doesn’t step up, the engagement is off and we (baby and I) will move back in with my family after discharge.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now our son remains in hospital receiving IV antibiotics. I extended my leave; my fiancé refuses to take his, says he’ll go to work, and will not stay the next day. He performs small tasks when asked but is emotionally distant and accusatory. I’m exhausted and emotionally raw from holding most of the caregiving and decision-making burden.

At home: our relationship is strained, communication has broken down, and I’m seriously reconsidering our engagement unless he changes his approach. With my parents: they’re helping with the baby when possible, but I haven’t told them about his behavior because I don’t want to escalate things yet.

Potential practical consequences include bringing the baby home on an IV (which brings nursing and logistical challenges), possible need for reinsertion if the IV fails, and the unresolved question of who will provide hands-on care if he keeps prioritizing work.

"I saw him cry — then he blamed me. I’m supposed to be comforted by that, but all I felt was stunned and alone."

For now, I’m focusing on our baby’s treatment and my own brief recovery, while trying to decide whether to demand a change, involve family, or end the engagement if his priorities don’t shift.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is a raw, frightening moment for any parent: an unwell newborn, invasive treatment, and total exhaustion. Your anger and hurt are justified — you asked for help because you were at your limit, and now you’re shouldering the medical and emotional load while your partner withdraws and assigns blame. That feels like abandonment, especially when caregiving is immediate and physical.

At the same time, your fiancé’s reaction — crying, fear, and then blaming — suggests he’s also overwhelmed and poorly equipped to process crises. His refusal to take leave or stay is not excusable, but it does point to deeper issues (guilt, fear of failure, work pressure) that can sometimes be addressed with support, boundaries, and counseling.

There’s no neat villain here: the priority must be the baby’s health and your safety. If he can’t step up in a clear, tangible way now, that’s a meaningful data point about how he’ll behave in future emergencies. You’re allowed to set a boundary — including pausing the engagement — if his actions show a pattern of avoidance rather than growth.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You made the right medical call for your baby. Your partner should be supporting you, not blaming you — this is a red flag.”

“He cried, which shows he’s scared, but crying then blaming is not the same as stepping up. He needs to take leave and help.”

“Protect your son and your sanity. Tell him what you need clearly — if he refuses, you have to consider tougher boundaries.”

Most responses will prioritize the baby’s care and the OP’s wellbeing, urging clear communication and immediate, practical help from the partner — or strong boundaries if that help doesn’t come.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’re in an intense, short-term crisis that also reveals longer-term relationship dynamics. Asking for help when you’re exhausted and making a medical decision to protect your child are both reasonable — your partner’s refusal to stay or take leave is a serious issue.

Try one final, very specific conversation: name the tasks you need him to do (stay nights, handle feedings where possible, take leave on X days) and set a clear deadline for seeing change. If he still refuses, protecting yourself and your baby — even if that means reconsidering the engagement — is not selfish. Your child’s safety and your mental health come first.

What do you think?
Would you give him one clear ultimatum and see if he changes, or prioritize moving forward without him if he won’t help? Share your thoughts below 👇