AITA for wanting to move out early because my boyfriend won’t enforce the rules for his mom living with us?

My boyfriend's mom moved in after being evicted, but I set strict boundaries: no contact with his enabling brother and find permanent housing quickly. Two weeks later they took the brother out while I was at work — and my boyfriend broke our agreement. Now she expects to keep living with us and he won’t enforce any consequences.

I (30sF) live with my boyfriend (30sM) in a rented apartment. His mom had to move in last month after his brother — who was living with her — stole her car, wrecked it into their apartment, and caused an eviction. The brother is now in rehab. Before she moved in I made my boyfriend promise she would cut contact with his brother and never invite him over; I feared retaliation and eviction and I wanted to stop the enabling cycle that let his brother stay high and unwell. They both agreed to those rules.

I set a hard boundary: no contact with his brother and no enabling. They agreed, but two weeks in they took him out while I was at work — my boyfriend went along with it, and now his mom is expecting to move with us next lease and my partner won’t enforce any consequence, so I’m considering moving out early to protect my life and sanity.

Two weeks into her stay I came home from work to find my boyfriend and his mom laughing about taking his brother to Golden Corral while I was gone—he was high and nodding off. I felt betrayed because this directly violated the rule I set: no contact. When I called him out he admitted he changed his mind and thought I was being too harsh, but he never told me ahead of time. That unilateral decision undermined the agreement and my trust. I made clear I wouldn’t have agreed to housing her rent-free if he planned to let her break the rule.

"I set a hard boundary: no contact with his brother — they both agreed, and then they broke it while I was at work."

Since then she’s been shirking chores, demanding we do her tasks even though we pay rent, and behaving as if she’s entitled to stay permanently. Our lease is up in a couple of months and she literally asked, "So where are WE moving to?" — expecting to come with us. I don't want that and I don't trust my boyfriend to enforce boundaries; he has deep guilt and attachment issues and refuses to put her on the street even when she violates agreements. I told him I may move into a studio early because I don’t believe he will actually keep her from returning if he initially leaves her out, and he framed my choice as trying to dismantle the relationship.

"She asked 'So where are WE moving to?' as if she expects a free ride to our next place."

I worry moving now will be seen as abandoning him, but staying means living with ongoing rule-breaking, tension, and the real risk of eviction or relapse if his brother reappears. I’ve made my limits clear: either rules are enforced or I can’t keep living with someone who refuses to protect our home and our agreement.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now the household is tense. The mom remains living with them and has started skipping chores and making demands. My boyfriend defended taking his brother out and hasn’t followed through on consequences. Our relationship is strained by the breach of trust and differing priorities: my need for safety and clear boundaries versus his guilt-driven reluctance to enforce them.

Practically, the lease is ending soon and the mom expects to move with us; I’ve made it clear I won’t have that. I’m weighing moving to a studio early to avoid ongoing conflict and the likely repeat of the enabling cycle if she stays. If I leave, he may resent me; if I stay, I risk ongoing stress and potential housing trouble.

Consequences so far include damaged trust in the relationship, daily tension at home, and a looming choice about whether to prioritize the relationship or personal safety and boundaries.

"I’m choosing a possible temporary move over a permanent breakdown of trust in our home."

I’m trying to balance compassion for his mom’s crisis with protecting our household. But repeated rule-breaking and my partner’s unwillingness to enforce agreements have pushed me to consider moving out sooner rather than later.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This is a classic clash of compassion versus boundaries. You set a clear rule to protect your home and safety; when your partner reneged without discussing it, your trust was broken. Your reaction — wanting to remove yourself from a situation where agreed rules won’t be enforced — is a boundary some would call reasonable self-protection.

On the other hand, your boyfriend is in a hard spot: guilt and attachment to his mom are powerful, and he may be acting from fear of causing her harm. That doesn’t excuse him undermining a shared agreement, but it does complicate the path forward — because enforcing consequences in a family emergency feels brutal even when necessary.

There’s no perfect answer. The healthiest outcomes require clear communication, aligned expectations, and a real plan: agreed consequences if rules are broken, a timeline for the mom’s housing search, and professional support for the brother. If he won’t commit to that, your choice to prioritize your wellbeing is defensible.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You set a boundary to protect your home — he broke it without consent. Walking away until he proves he’ll enforce rules is reasonable.”

“Family crises are messy, but enabling a dangerous brother and letting rules slide puts you both at risk. Your safety matters.”

“He agreed to the rules. If he can’t follow through, counseling and a concrete housing plan for his mom should be non-negotiable before you commit to staying.”

Most readers will support firm boundaries while encouraging solutions that keep the mom safe without sacrificing your mental health or housing stability.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’re not obligated to sacrifice your peace and safety to compensate for your partner’s inability to enforce boundaries, especially when the agreement was mutual and meant to protect everyone. A temporary move to a studio to reset expectations is a legitimate, self-protective option.

Try one last clear conversation: set a timeline for his mom’s housing, a list of non-negotiable rules, and agreed consequences if they’re broken — plus counseling for your boyfriend around guilt and enabling. If he refuses, protecting yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary.

What do you think?
Would you give him a chance with a strict, documented plan, or move out to enforce your boundary immediately? Share your thoughts below 👇