AITA for refusing to let my dad or his fiancée babysit my son again after she stole his “first Santa” moment?

My dad’s fiancée took my baby to see Santa and removed him from my home without permission, ruining something I’d been excited to share as his mom. Now that I’ve pulled back and refused to let them babysit again, my dad says I’m emotional and ruining Christmas.

A little under two weeks after everything blew up, my husband and I took our baby to a different mall to see Santa. The display there wasn’t as big as the one near our place, but it was more colorful, and the tree was beautiful. We wandered around afterward, did some Christmas shopping and charity donations, and just let our son soak in the lights and decorations. Watching him react to it all almost brought me to tears. It didn’t erase what had happened, but it gave us new memories I’ll treasure, memories that were ours by choice instead of stolen behind my back.

My dad’s fiancée knew I was planning to take my baby to see Santa, took him herself without permission, and then acted like I was overreacting when I said she’d crossed a line I couldn’t ignore.

Since the original incident, the fallout around my dad’s Christmas party has been intense. Out of the fifteen people invited (not counting my son), only four are still attending: two from my side of the family and the two guests my dad’s fiancée invited. Everyone else backed out once they heard what she’d done and how my dad handled it. There was a domino effect—people telling their parents they weren’t coming, then those parents dropping out too. I never set out to organize a boycott; I only told my cousins what happened because we always plan Secret Santa together, and the story spread from there.

"I want to stress that getting my family members involved wasn’t my intention."

My dad’s reaction has been all over the place. He blames his fiancée for causing the problem, but he also blames me for being “emotional” and “ruining everything.” Our first conversation ended when he made an offensive comment I couldn’t overlook, then called me dramatic for reacting. The second talk went better, but nothing was really resolved. I was ready to accept we’d never see eye to eye—until he called again with his fiancée on the line.

"There was no way she hadn’t realized it was important to me—she just didn’t care."

On that call, she didn’t truly apologize. She repeated that she just wanted to do something fun and didn’t think it would be a big deal, and that she hadn’t meant to upset me. I pushed back and told her there were so many other things she could have done that didn’t involve doing the one thing she knew I was already planning with my child—or taking my baby out of my home without permission. Eventually she cracked and said, “You get to have special moments with this baby every day, why can’t I have an hour?” That told me everything I needed to know about her mindset.

🏠 The Aftermath

After that phone call, I drew a very clear line. I told them I wasn’t going to their Christmas party, and neither my dad nor his fiancée would ever babysit my son—or any future children I might have—again. She had her “hour,” and she lost my trust for much longer than that.

My dad later apologized specifically for how that call went, but my perspective has shifted. I’m done constantly explaining why my boundaries matter, or why my feelings as a mother aren’t optional. I’m not cutting him off completely, but I am changing how much access he and his fiancée have to my child and to information about our lives.

Holiday plans have shifted too. My eldest cousin is hosting a smaller Christmas Eve gathering, and most of the people who backed out of my dad’s party will be there. On Christmas Day we’re visiting my in-laws, then coming home to relax, play videogames, and enjoy our baby. Next year, we’ll travel out of state to see my maternal family and go to the beach instead of repeating this chaos.

"I’m done being treated like my feelings, boundaries, and authority as my child’s mother don’t matter."

I’m not thrilled about how everything played out, but the situation is mostly dealt with, and for the first time in a while, I’m actually excited about Christmas instead of stressed over it.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This was never just about Santa or one Christmas tradition. It was about respect, consent, and who gets to decide what “special moments” look like for a child. Your dad’s fiancée saw your baby as a way to fulfill her own emotional needs and prioritized that over your clearly expressed plans and parental authority.

Your dad tried to have it both ways—blaming her for the initial decision while calling you emotional for reacting to it. That kind of response minimizes your feelings and shifts responsibility away from the people who actually crossed the line. Setting consequences, like no more babysitting and skipping their party, is a reasonable way to protect yourself and your child.

You’re not obligated to keep offering trust to people who show you that your boundaries are negotiable to them. Choosing peace, distance, and a tighter circle around your child is not vindictive—it’s protective.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“She didn’t ‘just want an hour’—she wanted to claim a milestone that wasn’t hers. You’re right to revoke babysitting privileges.”

“Your dad calling you emotional while siding with his fiancée is a huge red flag. Protecting your kid doesn’t make you the problem.”

“An information diet is exactly right. If she can’t respect your role as mom, she doesn’t need access to your child’s big moments.”

Most people will likely agree that you’re enforcing healthy boundaries, not overreacting—and that consequences are appropriate when adults show they can’t be trusted with something as basic as parental consent.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You can love your family and still decide that certain people won’t have unsupervised access to your child. You can forgive to whatever extent feels right while still choosing not to forget how they treated your boundaries the first time.

This Christmas may look different than you originally imagined, but you’ve reclaimed your holiday, your peace, and your role as your baby’s parent—not just a bystander to everyone else’s “fun.”

What do you think?
Would you have given them another chance, or drawn the same hard line around babysitting and holidays? Share your thoughts below 👇