AITA for calling my sister an attention whore at our grandma’s wake?

Our grandma died and our house was opened for visitors. My sister kept retelling how she alone woke us and kept turning every conversation back to herself — I snapped and said she was being an attention whore. Now the family wants me to apologize.

My grandma died suddenly after a heart attack a little over a week ago. In our culture we open the house so everyone can come and pay respects, and my mom and aunt posted the address and visiting times. My sister (19) was supposed to stay the night with grandma at the hospital — we were all there until around 9:30 and she seemed fine — but early that morning she had a heart attack and died. My sister says she was the one who knew first and had to call people to get us to the hospital at 2:30 a.m. She’s told that version of events many times since then, and the whole weekend people kept telling her how much grandma loved her.

All weekend my sister kept repeating that she was grandma’s favorite and how she was the one who handled everything when grandma died — it felt performative and I finally called her out.

All weekend at the open house my sister repeatedly told the story of how she had to wake people and get us to the hospital, and she told it over and over — I counted at least twenty retellings across two nights. Between those tellings she showed off jewelry she said grandma had given her, insisted they were fake before the funeral, and kept steering conversations to how excellent she is with kids and which libraries are best for toddlers. Guests she barely knew told her grandma preferred her and how proud grandma was. It felt like the weekend was becoming a nonstop performance about her role as the "perfect" granddaughter.

"She kept retelling how she had to wake us and bring us to the hospital — she told that story at least twenty times."

I told her after the second night that she didn't need to keep making everything about herself and called her an attention whore. I said grandma’s death isn’t about her. My sister and my parents reacted badly. She’s calling me cruel and traumatized, saying she and grandma had a special relationship. My parents want me to apologize and say I overreacted. They’re trying to smooth things over and act like nothing happened, but they still expect an apology from me.

"Grandma's death isn't about her — it isn't about you."

I don’t deny my sister loved grandma. She had a special relationship, and losing her is devastating. But the constant retelling, the attention-seeking posture, and the way she turned every visitor's focus to her felt disrespectful and exhausting to watch. I said what I said. Now I’m being pressured to apologize or be the bad guy in the family mourning process. I feel torn because I don’t want to hurt anyone more, but I also couldn’t pretend the weekend didn’t feel performative.

🏠 The Aftermath

After I called her out, my sister is angry and my parents want me to apologize. The open house continued but now there’s awkwardness: people who once complimented my sister are uncomfortable, and family members are split between defending her grief and thinking I had a point. My sister says she’s traumatized and needs space; my parents are trying to keep the peace by asking me to back down.

Consequences so far: strained sibling relationship, pressure from parents to apologize, and a family mood that went from mourning to tension. I didn’t expect to make things worse, but calling her an attention whore did make the weekend more fraught.

I’m stuck between believing people should be allowed to grieve however they need and feeling like there are lines — repeatedly making the funeral weekend about yourself felt like crossing one of those lines for me.

"The weekend shifted from mourning to a performance, and calling it out created real family fallout."

Now I’m weighing whether apologizing to keep the peace is the right move or whether I should stand by what I said because it felt truthful to me in the moment.

💭 Emotional Reflection

Grief is messy and people express it in wildly different ways. Your sister’s behavior may have been driven by genuine shock and her own way of processing loss — and that deserves compassion. At the same time, there are cultural and interpersonal expectations around funerals and wakes: repeatedly centering yourself and turning every interaction into a personal anecdote can feel insensitive to others who are also mourning.

Reasonable people can see both sides: she loved grandma and may be deeply hurt, while you saw performative behavior during a time that should have honored the deceased. Calling her an attention whore in anger landed harshly; it’s understandable to feel frustrated, but saying it out loud at a funeral setting escalated things quickly.

An apology could ease tensions even if you still feel your reaction had some truth. If you choose to apologize, a narrow, sincere one about tone ("I'm sorry for how I said it") without erasing your observation ("I was overwhelmed by how often the story was repeated") might hold the middle ground.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“She’s grieving, yes — but repeating the same victim story twenty times at a wake is exhausting and can feel performative.”

“You shouldn’t have called her that at a funeral, but your frustration also makes sense. A softer confrontation might have worked better.”

“A brief apology for the wording and timing — paired with a private conversation later — could heal this without erasing your feelings.”

Reactions will likely split between defending your sister’s grief and acknowledging that constant self-focus at a funeral can be hurtful to others. Many will suggest a middle path of apologizing for delivery while reserving the right to speak privately about the behavior later.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You weren’t wrong to feel irritated by what looked like performative behavior — but funerals are fragile spaces and the way you expressed it was confrontational and painful for others. If you value family cohesion, consider whether a targeted apology for your words (not for your feelings) might defuse this while leaving room to process what you observed privately later.

If you do choose to talk to your sister later, do it when emotions have cooled: start with compassion for her loss, explain how the nonstop retellings affected you, and listen to her side. Grief can make people act out of character; honest, calm conversation after the fact often repairs what a raw reaction breaks.

What do you think?
Would you apologize for the tone and timing, or stand by your call-out and let the family sort it out? Share your thoughts below 👇