AITA for refusing to bankroll my friend's LA road trip after she said she'd drive?

My close friend invited me to LA but then revealed she couldn't afford a plane ticket and expected us to drive — and expected me to cover most of the costs. When I said no, she got angry and called it unfair.

I'm 20F and my friend is 21F. She's been asking for months to go to LA for a summer trip; we live about eight hours apart so I assumed we'd fly. When I mentioned booking flights she said she couldn't afford plane tickets and wanted to drive instead. That surprised me — if she can't pay for a $150 ticket, how was she planning to afford the expensive activities she wanted (Nobu, jetskiing, shopping, clubs)? On top of that, she doesn't have a license, which would mean I'd be doing all the driving. I have bad back problems and long drives are painful for me.

I told her I wouldn't cover most of the trip costs just because she's short on cash; she thinks that's unfair and now our friendship is tense.

We had already agreed to split the hotel 50/50, and I assumed she would cover her travel or at least discuss money if plans changed. Instead, when I suggested booking flights she laughed and said she couldn't afford them and wanted to drive — and then casually told me she assumed I'd pay for most things because I "have money." That assumption shocked me. I'm fine paying for my share and small things like drinks, but I don't want to be on the hook for pricey dinners, activities, and all the driving because she doesn't have a license.

"She laughed and said since I have money she assumed I would pay for a majority of her expenses."

I told her the trip was her idea and she shouldn't assume I'd finance it. I said I couldn't do all the driving because of my back, and I wouldn't cover luxury activities she wanted without her contributing. She got upset and said it was unfair because I can afford it. Now she's angry and saying I ruined the trip and am being selfish for not stepping up financially.

"We already agreed to split the hotel 50/50 — I shouldn't have to bankroll everything else."

I've stood my ground. I offered alternatives: split costs clearly, pick cheaper activities, or postpone until she can contribute. She called me stingy and implied I owe her because I have more funds. Now I'm wondering if I was wrong to refuse — should I have offered to cover more to save the friendship, or was it right to set a boundary about money and physical limits?

🏠 The Aftermath

The trip is in limbo. My friend is upset and says I ruined our plans; I’ve paused booking anything until we agree on who pays what and how the driving will work.

At her place: she feels justified because I can afford more. With me: I'm insisting on a fair split for activities and refusing to do all the driving given my back pain. Right now that boundary has created tension between us.

Consequences include a strained friendship, canceled or postponed travel plans, and an uneasy conversation about expectations and money that neither of us handled perfectly.

"She assumed I'd cover stuff without asking — that felt like a huge expectation to drop on me."

I'm relieved I set a limit — I can't afford to be the travel bank and I need to protect my health — but I'm also bummed that a fun plan turned into an argument about money and assumptions.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn't just about money — it's about assumptions, communication, and limits. Your friend assumed you would cover costs without asking, which sidesteps consent and sets up an unfair dynamic. You also have a legitimate physical limitation (bad back) that makes long driving unrealistic.

Could you have handled it differently? Possibly — an earlier conversation about budget and who would drive could have prevented the surprise. But it's also reasonable to expect people to ask before assuming someone's finances are available to cover large shared expenses.

Reasonable people will disagree: some will say friendship sometimes requires financial generosity; others will insist boundaries around money and health are essential and not selfish.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You set a boundary — you’re not obligated to fund her lifestyle. Saying no to covering everything was valid.”

“If she can’t afford flights and fancy activities, she shouldn’t plan them and assume someone else will pay.”

“A clear money chat beforehand would've helped, but assuming a friend will pay majority is a red flag.”

Reactions split between praising your boundary and suggesting clearer communication up front; most responses point to the need for explicit conversations about money and physical limits before making plans.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Trips and friendships both require honest conversations about money, effort, and physical limits. You did the reasonable thing by refusing to take on all costs and driving alone while risking your health.

That said, if keeping the friendship matters, a calm talk about expectations, a budget, and alternative plans (cheaper activities, splitting driving, or postponing) could salvage the plan without you footing the bill.

What do you think?
Would you have covered more to keep the peace, or stood firm like I did? Share your take below 👇