AITA for pushing away a guy who likes me after a traumatic incident and hiding how badly I’m really doing?

My friends think I’m being cold to a guy who cares about me, but they don’t know the truth — that I’m falling apart, terrified, and barely holding myself together after something awful happened at work.

I’m 25 and part of a close friend group I met in college. All the guys joined later when they started dating my girlfriends. I’ve never dated anyone, never even had my first kiss — not because I think I’m above it, but because I’ve always felt like I’m not enough. I carry debt, lost my mom, lived in my car, struggle with panic attacks, shut down easily, and fake being fine so well that nobody knows how bad things really get for me. A guy in our group developed a crush on me. He visits me at work, brings me treats, tries to be close. I kept gently hinting that he shouldn’t want me, that I’m not doing well, but he never understood. Another guy at work asked me out too, and when I rejected him directly, things went horribly wrong. One night we were alone, and he tried to hurt me — ripping at my uniform while I screamed. Everything went blurry. My friend walked in, stopped him, and stayed by my side through the aftermath. He even sat with me in the hospital and braided my hair while I cried.

I’m trying to protect myself, but everyone around me thinks I owe explanations I’m not strong enough to give — and it’s tearing me apart.

I’ve shown my gratitude in every way I can — cooking him dinner, baking him treats, doing everything except giving him the one thing he really wants: a relationship. He’s frustrated, and I get it. But he doesn’t know how broken I feel inside, or how the attack plays in my head every time someone brings it up. Our friends keep talking about it constantly, making jokes, pushing us together, assuming I’m being cold for no reason. They have no idea how much I’m struggling just to get through each day.

"I’m not doing good, and I think for his sake it’s not a good idea."

When I tried to gently explain I couldn’t date him and that I’m not okay, he said he didn’t care — that I don’t get to decide what’s best for him. He doesn’t understand that I’m trying to protect him from what’s going on in my head. And I’m trying to protect myself from feeling pressured into a relationship I’m too mentally fragile for. I’m scared. Every discussion brings the assault back like it’s happening again. I’m drowning in guilt, trauma, and fear that I’ll hurt someone unintentionally just by being myself.

"I feel like I want to die because my brain is not working."

I don’t want to lose my friends or hurt him, but I can’t give what people want from me. I can’t explain everything. And the pressure is breaking me down. I’m doing my best, but it doesn’t feel like enough for anyone anymore.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, things feel messy and overwhelming. My friend group keeps bringing up the incident, not understanding how much it hurts me. The guy who likes me is frustrated and thinks I’m rejecting him for no reason. I’m emotionally exhausted and trying to avoid panic attacks every time the topic comes up.

The trauma from the attack still lingers, and every reminder pulls me back into that moment. I’m trying to keep friendships intact while also protecting my mental health — two things that don’t seem to coexist right now.

I wish I could explain everything, but the truth feels too heavy to carry and too painful to speak out loud.

"I’m grateful, but I’m also not okay — and I don’t know how to tell anyone that."

Every day feels like walking a tightrope between keeping people happy and surviving the weight of everything that’s happened.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t a simple case of rejecting someone. It’s a collision of trauma, fear, guilt, and the pressure to seem “fine” when you’re breaking inside. You’re not wrong for wanting space. You’re not wrong for protecting yourself. Healing isn’t linear, and you’re dealing with more than anyone around you realizes.

People often assume that kindness or gratitude equals readiness for a relationship, but they don’t see the invisible wounds you're carrying. It’s okay to draw boundaries, even if someone thinks they know what’s best for you. Only you know what you can handle.

You’re not an asshole — you’re someone trying to survive something deeply painful while others unintentionally make it harder by pressuring you for a version of yourself you can’t be right now.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You don’t owe anyone a relationship. Trauma doesn’t disappear just because someone has feelings for you.”

“Your boundaries are valid. No one else gets to decide what you’re ready for.”

“You deserve support and care — not pressure to perform emotional labor after something traumatic.”

Most people would agree you’re doing your best in a situation far more painful and complicated than anyone around you seems to understand.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’ve been carrying so much alone — your trauma, your fear, your self-doubt — while still trying to keep friendships from falling apart. That’s not selfish. That’s survival. And you have every right to put your wellbeing first.

Healing from something like this takes time, space, and gentleness. You don’t owe anyone an explanation before you’re ready, and you don’t have to sacrifice yourself to keep others comfortable.

What do you think?
How do you protect your own healing when everyone else has their own expectations? Share your thoughts below 👇