AITA for refusing to let my brother, his wife, and three kids live with me after they were foreclosed?

My brother and his family lost their home and asked to move into my three-bedroom house "just for a few months." I said no — I work from home, my place is small, and I offered financial help instead. Now family is mad and I’m getting blasted for not doing more.

I’m 34 (M) and own a modest three-bedroom house I bought five years ago. I live alone: one bedroom is my home office (I WFH full-time) and another is a guest/hobby room with my music gear and gaming setup. My brother (38) and his wife (36) were recently foreclosed on after years of poor financial choices — he lost steady work after repeatedly showing up late, they kept expensive private schools and activities for their three kids (12F, 10M, 7F), and refused to downsize despite warnings. When they lost the house they asked if they could stay with me "just for a few months."

I told them I couldn’t fit six people into my three-bedroom house because I need my office and my life intact — I offered a hotel for two weeks, help finding an apartment, and to cover the security deposit, but saying no still blew up the family drama.

I explained that my house is too small for six people, that my home office is essential for my job and can't function with kids constantly in the space, and that their “a few months” could easily stretch into a year based on their history. I offered practical help instead: pay for a hotel for two weeks while they find a place, help search for an affordable apartment, and cover the security deposit. I also encouraged them to stay with our parents, who volunteered their spare room.

"They asked to stay 'just for a few months' — but their track record makes that sound like forever."

My brother exploded at the hotel offer, called me selfish, and accused me of "choosing things over family." My parents are torn: they see my reasons but think I could make it work temporarily. My brother and his wife refused to move in with our parents at first because they said they didn't want to live by their rules; ultimately they moved in there anyway after I declined. Since then I’ve been getting pressure from extended family, constant texts about how I abandoned them, and passive-aggressive social posts from my sister-in-law about "finding out who your real family is."

"You have plenty of space — you're choosing your comfort over family."

I’m sticking to my boundary because of work needs and limits of space, but the emotional fallout is heavy: family members are dividing, my relationship with my brother is strained, and I feel guilty despite believing I made a reasonable decision and offered meaningful financial help.

🏠 The Aftermath

My brother’s family ultimately moved in with our parents, but not before accusing me of abandoning them. I’ve been fielding texts from relatives and heated conversations with my brother. My parents understand my position privately but feel I could’ve done more physically to host them.

Practically: I helped secure a short hotel stay offer and covered the security deposit proposal; they accepted our parents' home in the end. Social consequences include family tension and public passive-aggressive posts from my sister-in-law.

The relationship with my brother is damaged — he called me selfish — and extended family members are pressuring me to "do my part," which is adding stress to an already difficult situation.

"I offered tangible help — hotel, deposit, apartment hunting — but it wasn't enough for them."

I’m trying to maintain boundaries while still helping where I can financially, but it’s clear the family will need time to cool off and rebuild trust if that’s possible.

💭 Emotional Reflection

Boundaries are messy — especially with family. You can empathize with parents who suddenly lose a home and need help, while also recognizing that inviting six people into a small house where you work from home could be unsustainable and harmful to your job security and mental health.

You did offer alternatives that cost you money and time: a hotel for two weeks, help finding housing, and covering a security deposit. That’s not abandoning them — it’s trying to provide realistic, temporary support while protecting your own livelihood and space.

Where this derailed into conflict is expectations and pride: your brother initially refused parental help, then blamed you when his preferred option wasn’t available. Family systems often expect immediate hospitality, but real help can take many forms — financial, logistical, or housing — and all are valid if communicated clearly and compassionately.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You offered concrete help instead of creating chaos in your home — that's reasonable, not cruel.”

“Family first is important, but not at the cost of your job or mental health. You set a boundary and helped where you could.”

“Maybe more communication earlier — and involving parents sooner — would have avoided this blowup, but you're not obligated to upend your life.”

Reactions will split between those who value open-door family support and those who prioritize sustainable, realistic help that doesn’t create more problems for the host.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You faced a difficult choice between hospitality and protecting the home and job that keep you stable. Offering money for a hotel, covering a deposit, and helping find housing are meaningful ways to help that don’t require you to sacrifice your wellbeing or employment.

If you want to rebuild family trust, keep documenting what you offered, communicate calmly with your parents and brother about limits, and consider mediated conversations where everyone can set expectations. But remember: reasonable boundaries are not abandonment.

What do you think?
Would you have taken them in, or kept the boundary and offered only financial/logistical support? Share your thoughts below 👇