AITA for refusing to be involved with my ex’s new baby, who might not even be mine?
My ex cheated, got pregnant, and now her family is demanding I act like a father figure to the baby—despite a pending paternity test and the fact that I want nothing to do with her anymore.
My ex (30F) and I (30M) share two children, ages 7 and 5. After DNA confirmed both were mine, we split custody 50/50. Our relationship ended when I discovered she’d cheated on me while pregnant, making paternity of her third baby unclear. Since then, she’s tried talking to me as if nothing happened, but I made it clear we’re not friends. She gave birth in February, and the paternity test still isn’t back. I’ve had nothing to do with the baby—don’t know the gender, haven’t bought anything, and don’t consider the child part of my life. Meanwhile, her parents keep cornering me, insisting I should meet the baby and step in because it “needs a positive father figure.” I keep telling them no.
I told my ex’s family that her new baby isn’t mine, isn’t my responsibility, and I won’t be involved—and now they’re calling me selfish and cruel.
My ex’s parents insisted I “step up” because the alleged father wants nothing to do with the baby, and apparently there may be multiple possible fathers. They say their grandchild “needs a positive father figure” and pressured me to meet the baby. I told them plainly it wasn’t happening, that the baby isn’t mine, and I’m not family to it. They called me selfish for not buying gifts, not visiting, and refusing to play uncle or stand-in dad. Then my ex asked me for $500 for formula and diapers—while my kids were with me—so I knew it wasn’t for them. I shut that down immediately.
"The baby isn’t mine and isn’t family to me."
Her parents later tracked me down in a store to yell at me again, claiming no one else wanted the baby, and I should step in “since my kids will be siblings with it anyway.” They called me a piece of shit for refusing to be involved and blamed me for the relationship my kids might have with their half-sibling. They insist I’m responsible for helping raise this child simply because I’m already a dad.
"Expecting me to love a child that isn’t mine is insane."
At this point, I’m documenting every encounter and working with my attorney to adjust exchanges if needed. I think it’s unreasonable and manipulative for them to demand I be involved in a situation created by her cheating.
🏠 The Aftermath
My ex and her parents are furious that I won’t step in as a father figure to the new baby. They’ve shifted from pressuring me during exchanges to ambushing me in public places.
Now that I’ve warned I’ll seek a court modification, they’re being more strategic—showing up where they think I won’t record them. Meanwhile, I continue documenting everything and talking to my lawyer.
There’s no relationship with the baby from my side, and none will form unless a paternity test proves otherwise.
"Boundaries exist for a reason, especially when trust has been broken."
The emotional fallout is tangled, but ultimately I’m focused on protecting my kids and myself—not playing dad to a child who isn’t mine.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This situation is painful, but not complicated: involvement with a child comes from biology, choice, or commitment. None of those apply here unless a paternity test says otherwise.
Her parents are driven by fear and desperation, but their expectations are unfair. Betrayal, uncertainty, and manipulation can’t be swept aside just because a baby is “innocent.”
Reasonable people may disagree about compassion, but no one should be pressured into parental responsibility for a child who may have zero connection to them.
Here’s how the community might see it:
“You don’t owe fatherhood to a child you didn’t create. Full stop.”
“Her parents are trying to guilt you into fixing a mess their daughter caused. Not your job.”
“Stay firm, keep documenting, and protect your boundaries. This is not on you.”
Reactions center on boundaries, paternity, and the unfair pressure placed on someone who was betrayed and has no verified connection to the child.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Saying no to forced responsibility doesn’t make someone heartless—it makes them realistic. A child deserves stability, not guilt-driven involvement.
Until paternity is confirmed, and even if it’s not, you have every right to protect your peace and prioritize the children who are actually yours.
What do you think?
Should he step back entirely or continue setting firmer boundaries? Share your thoughts below 👇
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