AITA for refusing to move back in after my room was repeatedly trashed by my mom’s boyfriend’s kids?
After moving in with my mom’s boyfriend and his two young kids, my space stopped being respected. When I finally left, my mom begged me to return—but I couldn’t do it anymore.
I’m 17, and my dad died when I was 11. My mom eventually started dating again, and after almost two years with Dan—a single dad with a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old—they moved in together three months ago. Things were fine until two incidents in the same week flipped everything. I came home to find the kids in my room, my bed ripped apart, and my clothes all over the floor. The 4-year-old had an accident and left it all over my stuff. My mom cleaned him but left my room for me to deal with. Dan told me not to be mad because “they’re just young kids,” and my mom insisted it was normal.
I tried to set boundaries, but they were ignored. When my room was trashed again and a precious photo of me and my dad was ruined, I decided I wasn’t staying in that house anymore.
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A week later, the same thing happened—minus the accident—but this time they destroyed a photo of me and my dad and broke my office chair. I snapped. I told my mom she could keep Dan and his kids because I was done. She tried to calm me, and Dan even stood in front of the door to stop me from leaving, saying I’d break my mom’s heart. I left anyway and went to stay with my grandparents, expecting peace—and finally getting it.
"They trashed my room again and ruined a photo of me and my dad."
My mom assumed I’d return after a week or two. But once I settled at my grandparents’ house—where my room stays clean and the bathroom isn’t wrecked by little kids—I realized I didn’t want to go back. Even though I had a copy of the photo, the damage wasn’t just physical. My mom has apologized, but I’ve ignored her. When she finally called crying, asking me to come home and promising anything, I hung up before she could finish. Then Dan left a voicemail ranting about how selfish I was and how I was hurting my mom.
"I told her I wasn’t living with him and his kids."
Now my mom is finally accepting I’m not coming back. I’m safe, comfortable, and not constantly cleaning up behind kids who aren’t supervised. The peace and boundaries I didn’t have in that house now feel like necessities—not luxuries. And despite the guilt trips, I’m not changing my mind.
🏠 The Aftermath
I live with my grandparents now, and I finally feel safe and respected. My mom is upset, but she’s no longer pushing as hard.
At my mom’s house: chaos, no boundaries, and constant excuses. At my grandparents’: stability, privacy, and a room that stays untouched unless I touch it.
The fallout includes emotional distance, tension with Dan, and my mom realizing that an apology may not undo months of stress and repeated disrespect.
"When your home stops feeling like home, leaving feels like the only option."
I miss what our family used to be—but not enough to go back to a situation where my space and feelings weren’t protected. Peace shouldn’t come second to someone else’s relationship.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This isn’t just about a messy room; it’s about respect, grief, and boundaries. OP lost her dad young and held onto the few things that made her feel connected. Seeing that photo ruined wasn’t just upsetting—it was heartbreaking.
Her mom and Dan kept brushing off her feelings, prioritizing keeping the peace over acknowledging real frustration. Kids make messes, yes, but adults should guide them—and protect the older child’s space.
Some will say OP acted harshly, and some will understand completely. When the adults in the home dismiss your voice, leaving becomes less of a choice and more of a necessity.
Here’s how the community might see it:
“You set boundaries and nobody respected them. Leaving was the only way to protect your peace.”
“Your mom meant well but didn’t step up. Dan blocking the door was a huge red flag.”
“You were rude hanging up, but honestly? I get it. You’re a kid who needed support, not lectures.”
Reactions tend to focus on the lack of boundaries, your emotional safety, and the adults’ failure to protect your room and belongings.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Sometimes leaving isn’t about punishment—it’s about survival. You chose peace, safety, and emotional stability.
Your mom may feel hurt, but her feelings don’t erase what happened or the repeated dismissals of your needs.
What do you think?
Would you have stayed, or is walking away the healthier choice? Share your thoughts below 👇
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