AITA for considering guardianship of my ex’s child after she asked me to step in?

My ex reached out years after a painful breakup to ask if I’d care for her two-year-old son if her health fails. He isn’t mine, I’ve never met him, and yet I can’t stop thinking about saying yes.

A few years ago I was in a four-year relationship. We split a little over two years ago when I learned she was expecting—but not with me. The other man disappeared completely: no contact, no name on the birth certificate, no support. I stepped away to rebuild my life and never reached out. Recently she contacted me again, said she was facing serious health issues, and asked to talk. We met, and she asked something I never expected: would I take care of her son if she couldn’t? She said her family is distant or unavailable, and that I’m the person who always made her feel safe.

I’m the ex who walked away after being hurt—and now I’m the one she trusts to protect her little boy if she can’t. He isn’t mine, I’ve never met him, but the thought of him scared and alone keeps me up at night.

I still feel the hurt from how things ended. The child isn’t mine. I’ve never even met him—she only showed me pictures: a little boy, almost two. Yet the bio father vanished, and her support system is thin. She said she trusts me more than anyone. I’m not a parent, and I don’t know if I could do this or what it would require legally or practically. But I can’t shake the image of a confused kid losing the only person he knows.

"He isn’t mine, and I’ve never met him—but I can’t stop thinking about saying yes."

Part of me wants to say it isn’t my responsibility. Another part believes the child didn’t ask for any of this and deserves stability. I told her I needed time to think and to understand what “care” would mean—temporary guardianship, emergency plans, paperwork, contacts, medical info.

"I haven’t been able to sleep since she asked. It feels like my world flipped upside down."

I don’t know what I’ll decide. I’m trying to gather information, sit with my feelings, and separate old wounds from the current ask. What I do know: a little boy didn’t choose any of this, and whatever I do will affect the rest of his life.

🏠 The Aftermath

Right now, nothing is signed or decided. I told her I need time and clarity. She’s dealing with serious health issues; I’m researching what emergency guardianship or a standby arrangement would look like.

For her: she’s scared and trying to build a safety net for her son. For the child: there’s uncertainty if his mom’s condition worsens. For me: reopening old grief while weighing a life-changing commitment to someone I’ve never met.

Consequences so far: sleepless nights, a flood of logistics to learn, and a hard look at what “doing the right thing” means when no option is simple.

"Sometimes the moral answer and the easy answer live on opposite sides of the road."

I’m trying to move carefully—heart first, but with a plan. If I say yes, it has to be sustainable and lawful. If I say no, I need to help her find another safe path.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t about owing my ex. It’s about a child who didn’t get a choice. I’m balancing compassion with realism: love alone won’t make guardianship work—structure, support, and legal clarity would be essential.

Could I be the safe harbor she believes I am? Maybe. Could I also be in over my head? Also maybe. It’s okay to feel both—to care deeply and still ask hard questions before committing.

Reasonable people will disagree: some say never entangle with an ex; others say step up for the child. I’m trying to find the line where empathy meets responsibility.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“NAH. Get legal advice, meet the child, and draft an emergency plan before promising anything.”

“Your hurt is valid, but the kid is innocent. If you can help sustainably, that’s real compassion.”

“If you’re not ready, help her find alternatives: relatives, godparent, legal guardian, community resources.”

Reactions split between protecting your peace and building a safety net for a child. Most agree any path forward should be thoughtful, lawful, and centered on the kid’s stability.

🌱 Final Thoughts

I didn’t expect to be asked for this kind of promise. I’m taking it seriously because a small life might depend on it.

Whatever I decide, I want the outcome to be steady, legal, and kind—whether that means stepping up myself or helping her secure another trustworthy guardian.

What do you think?
Should I agree to become a standby guardian, or help her build another plan? Share your thoughts below 👇

1 Comments

MannyNovember 10, 2025 at 7:27 AM
This is literally the end plot between Forest Gump and Jenny, and if you agree you're just as dumb as he was. Her own family and baby daddy don't want to help but she knows her sucker ex is enough of a bleeding heart to clean up her mess. Is it the child's fault? Absolutely not but it's definitely not your responsibility. There's kids now in the system that need adoption that didn't come from a woman that messed you up, go adopt one of them if you feel so compelled to make a difference. Unfortunately some lessons got to be learned the hard way but if you let this child go I bet he won't make the same mistakes his mother did. I would say take this advise but just like Gump she knows you are dumb enough to clean up her mess even though she doesn't see you enough of a man to make the child with you in the first place.