AITA for refusing to thank a mom who “held” my $50 Bento lunchbox for weeks before returning it?

My 4-year-old’s expensive Bento lunchbox went missing and was accidentally sent home with another kid. The parent repeatedly “forgot” to return it for nearly a month — when she finally handed it back I was cold and didn’t say thank you. AITA?

I (35F) pack lunches for my kids and bought matching Bento boxes — about $50 each — which I label clearly. A few weeks ago I noticed my 4-year-old son Ben’s box was missing from his backpack. An after-school teacher told me it had accidentally gone home with another child (Ken), whose parent I’d never met. I asked the teacher to have the parent return it the next day.

My son’s $50 lunchbox disappeared into another kid’s bag; the parent kept forgetting to bring it back for weeks despite promises, so I emailed the school to escalate — when she finally returned it, I didn’t say thank you and I was curt. I was furious by then.

The teacher messaged that the parent would return it Tuesday, then Thursday, then the following Tuesday — each time the parent “forgot” or said she’d bring it later. Weeks passed and my husband suggested I confront the parent, but teachers refused to share contact details. Finally I sent a firm email to the principal, admin, and Ben’s teachers explaining I wanted the lunchbox back. After nearly four weeks, the parent met me and handed it over. She apologized and tried to joke, but I was so annoyed I just took it and left without saying thanks.

"I emailed the principal because this had dragged on for almost a month — I wanted my son's stuff back."

Later I found out from other parents that the mom's son had been asking for the Bento box and she’d apparently kept it because she liked it and didn’t want to buy one. The mom claimed postpartum forgetfulness and joked about leaving the box by her door, which felt like mockery given the delay. When other parents heard about the “hostage lunchbox,” she told them I was rude and ungrateful for not thanking her properly. I didn’t feel thankful — I felt played and disrespected.

"She returned it after weeks — by then I was done with niceties; I took it and left."

I later told the mom about similar, less expensive options and shared a link at a school event; I was polite-ish then. I stand by wanting my kid’s property returned and feeling upset that someone tried to keep it for their child. But I also wonder if I should have at least said thank you when she handed it back. AITA for not saying thank you?

🏠 The Aftermath

The Bento box is back with my son and I’ve avoided further direct contact with that parent. Some parents heard the story and sympathized; others say I should’ve been gracious when she finally returned it. The mom apparently framed me as rude in neighborhood chatter, but from my perspective the delay and what looked like petty keeping felt like disrespect. I did point other parents toward where they could buy a similar box so their kids could have one too.

Consequences: the item is returned, relationships with that particular parent are frosty, and I’m more likely to escalate through school channels if something of mine goes missing again. I saved money by not buying a replacement and reinforced that I will push for my kids’ belongings — but I also lost a bit of social grace in the eyes of some onlookers.

"She tried to keep the box because her son wanted it — I wasn't going to reward that behavior by being nice when she finally gave it back."

I’m glad Ben has his lunchbox, but I’m aware my reaction wasn’t warm. The situation felt less like a small mistake and more like deliberate playacting to keep a nice item for someone else’s kid.

💭 Emotional Reflection

At its core this is about respect for other people’s property and how repeated forgetfulness (or worse, deliberate keeping) erodes trust. You were right to expect the school to facilitate a return — and escalation via email was a reasonable next step after weeks of empty promises. Feeling annoyed and guarded after being strung along is understandable.

That said, social optics matter: a brief “thank you” when you physically receive the item could have defused neighborhood gossip while not rewarding the parent’s earlier behavior. Being firm and reclaiming your child’s property doesn’t preclude a minimal polite response at the handoff — but it’s also human to be fed up after weeks of being strung along.

Ultimately this sits between practical rights and emotional labor: you chose to protect your finances and your kid’s things, and you also chose not to perform gratitude in a moment when you felt manipulated. Both choices have consequences — one recovers the item, the other costs some social goodwill.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“She held onto your kid’s stuff and lied — you were owed the return, not warm fuzzies.”

“A quick ‘thanks’ costs nothing and would’ve saved drama, but I get being furious after weeks of excuses.”

“You did the right thing by escalating — letting her keep it would’ve incentivized bad behavior.”

Readers will split between defending your insistence on getting back expensive property and urging a small social grace to avoid neighborhood friction. The main themes are respecting property, escalation through school channels, and balancing justice with optics.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You were justified in pursuing your child’s property and escalating after repeated failed promises — especially once it became clear the other parent may have kept the box intentionally. Wanting the item back and being annoyed at the runaround is reasonable.

If you want to smooth relations, a brief acknowledgment when receiving returned property — even if curt — can prevent rumors. But if standing up for your kid’s belongings cost you a little social nicety, that’s a choice many parents would make in the same situation.

What do you think?
Would you have said thank you anyway to avoid drama, or kept your cool and reclaimed what’s yours no matter the optics? Share your thoughts below 👇