AITA for refusing to let my stepmom adopt me and telling her I already have a mom?

My stepmom wanted me to give her a “verbal gift” for her birthday—agreeing to let her adopt me. When I said no, it blew up into a family fight.

I’m 16M, and my parents were never together. My dad was 33 and my mom was 22 when they had a friends-with-benefits situation that led to me. My mom didn’t want to be a parent, but my dad didn’t want her to abort. They agreed she could leave and come back whenever she wanted. For my first seven years, it was just me and my dad. No girlfriends, no stepmoms—just us and his family. My mom would send gifts and letters, and when I turned seven, she came back into my life. We spent time together at parks, zoos, aquariums, and I met her family too. I loved having her around even if my dad didn’t at first. Now I don’t see her as often, but she’s still part of my life and I care about her.

I grew up with a dad who raised me alone and a mom who came back when she could. Now my stepmom wants to erase that history by adopting me, and when I said no, everything exploded.

Then when I was 14, my dad met a woman—A. They dated fast, and he proposed after only three months. By 15, they were married. She brought her 15-year-old twin sons into the house, and I actually get along well with them. My relationship with A is… okay. But two things always bothered me: how rushed the marriage was, and how A asked me to call her “mom” the day we met. She claimed I “needed a mom” and said it would make our family more united. Meanwhile, once they married, my dad stopped paying attention to me the way he used to, so I didn’t feel like I could push back.

"A wanted me to call her mom literally the day I met her."

Recently, A’s birthday came up. We all bought her gifts, but she said she didn’t want anything physical. She wanted a “verbal gift” from me. At dinner, she revealed what it was: she wanted me to say yes to her adopting me so she could “officially be my mom.” I was shocked. I told her no, because I already have a mom. She hates that I still talk to my actual mom and claimed that SHE'S my mom because she’s at home with me daily and married to my dad. Then she called my real mom a “part timer.”

"You're my mom because you're married to my dad? My actual mom isn't a 'part timer.'"

I told her no again and said even if my mom wasn’t around all the time, she was there long before A ever showed up. That got me yelled at by both A and my dad. Since then, A has been cold and distant, and my dad seems angry at me too. I'm confused and trying to figure out if I really did something wrong by standing my ground.

🏠 The Aftermath

Ever since I refused the adoption request, the atmosphere at home has changed. A barely talks to me, my dad scolds me for “disrespect,” and I feel like the bad guy for defending the parent who didn’t walk away from me emotionally.

A clearly took the rejection personally, and instead of understanding my feelings, she doubled down by insulting my mom and acting like she’s entitled to replace her. My dad is supporting her, which makes everything more tense.

Now I feel like I’m navigating a house where any loyalty to my mom is treated as a betrayal, and my dad’s attention seems wrapped around A’s feelings instead of my well-being.

"Saying no shouldn't cost me a place in my own home."

Even though the situation feels unfair, I’m relieved I stayed true to what I feel. It’s just hard dealing with the fallout from adults who should know better.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This situation wasn’t about disrespect—it was about identity, history, and emotional boundaries. You can care about your stepmom without erasing the mother who has been part of your life since childhood.

Your stepmom’s desire for unity isn’t wrong, but demanding to be called “mom,” pushing adoption, and insulting your actual mother crosses into controlling behavior. And your dad’s failure to support your feelings only adds to the pressure.

At the end of the day, wanting to keep your relationship with your real mom doesn’t make you ungrateful or disloyal—it makes you human.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“You don’t owe anyone an adoption. A real parent earns the title—they don’t demand it.”

“Calling your mom a ‘part timer’ was disrespectful. Your stepmom created the conflict, not you.”

“Your dad proposing in three months and ignoring your feelings is a bigger issue than you saying no.”

Most people would agree you didn’t do anything wrong by setting boundaries, especially when pressured to replace a parent who has always been part of your life.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You’re not wrong for wanting to keep your connection with your mom or for refusing to be adopted on someone else’s terms. You stood up for your identity despite a lot of pressure from the adults around you.

Family can grow, but it shouldn’t demand you erase the people who came before. Sometimes protecting your bond with someone means saying no, even when it makes things uncomfortable.

What do you think?
Should he have said yes to keep the peace, or were his boundaries completely justified? Share your thoughts below 👇