AITA for cutting off my kids’ alone time with their grandparents after Nana gave my teen the silent treatment?

After my teen forgot to “fix his spot” a few times while visiting his grandparents, Nana ignored him for the last three days of the visit and treated me coldly when I arrived. We decided our children will no longer be left alone with Nana and Poppa — AITA?

I'm 37 and have been married for 17 years to my 39-year-old husband. We have an almost-16-year-old and a 7-year-old. Historically, my teen spent a week in summer and spring break with his Nana and Poppa (my father-in-law and his wife). Nana has a habit of reacting like a teenager when things aren’t arranged exactly to her liking: she’ll give the silent treatment and stomp around for days instead of discussing what’s wrong. My husband has tolerated it his whole life, and I had tolerated it from her too — until she started doing it to our child.

I’m a mom who decided my kids won’t be left alone with grandparents who punish them with the silent treatment — after Nana ignored my teen for three days over not “fixing his spot.”

The specific incident: during his most recent visit, my teen forgot to tidy his spot after getting up to use the bathroom or to fix a drink a few times. Nana reacted by giving him the silent treatment for the last three days of his visit and also refused to speak to me when I arrived, despite my attempts to engage. Her defense was a shrug and, “Well you know how I am.”

"Well you know how I am."

This behavior isn’t new—Nana has long been quick to pout, stomp, and withdraw rather than talk. My husband grew up with it, and for years we let it slide. But we promised ourselves we wouldn’t let our kids be on the receiving end of that kind of punishment. After the recent episode, we decided our children will not be left alone with Nana and Poppa anymore; no child deserves to be punished with silence for minor household habits.

"If things aren’t perfect to her standards, she’ll give the silent treatment instead of talking it out."

We also noted favoritism among the grandkids and the unrealistic standards Nana expects—she expects a near-photo-perfect house at all times. Our teen’s life at home is relaxed (we’re “blanket people”), and we won’t force him into rigid habits to avoid adult drama. With marching band filling his summers going forward, visits are already less frequent, and we aren’t forcing any future stays with grandparents while we enforce this boundary.

🏠 The Aftermath

After the incident, we told Nana and Poppa they would no longer be alone with our kids. Visits that once happened in summers or spring breaks are now limited or supervised. Our teen isn’t being forced to go, and marching band has naturally reduced those week-long stays anyway.

At home: we’ve established a clear boundary to protect our children from emotional punishment. With grandparents: there’s tension and disappointment on their side, and likely hurt feelings on ours, but we prioritized our kids’ well-being.

Concrete consequences include fewer unsupervised visits, ongoing family friction about what counts as reasonable behavior, and a message that silent punishment will not be tolerated in our household.

"No child should be punished with the silent treatment—so we stopped leaving them alone with Nana and Poppa."

We’re prepared to stand firm: protecting our children’s emotional safety takes precedence over avoiding awkward family conversations.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This isn’t about being petty; it’s about protecting children from passive-aggressive emotional punishments. Silent treatment is a form of manipulation that teaches kids to suppress feelings and walk on eggshells. Your stance reflects a shift from tolerating intergenerational patterns to actively interrupting them.

That said, family relationships are complicated. Some will argue we could have tried mediation or coached Nana to express expectations calmly. However, repeated behavior—especially when modeled for decades—suggests boundaries are necessary when conversation fails.

Reasonable minds differ: you can prioritize relationship repair while maintaining safe boundaries for your children. The core is communication plus consistency—protect the kids, but offer ways to rebuild trust if adults are willing to change.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“Good on you for protecting your kids. Silent treatment is emotional abuse — kids shouldn’t be collateral.”

“Tough love: set boundaries, but try offering Nana a chance to learn a better way to communicate.”

“Some grandparents are set in their ways—if they won’t change, protecting kids comes first, even if it costs family harmony.”

Responses generally support protecting kids emotionally while noting that repair is possible if elders acknowledge hurtful patterns and commit to changing how they express frustration.

🌱 Final Thoughts

You broke a cycle. Letting a repeated pattern of silent punishment continue would teach the next generation that emotional manipulation is acceptable. Setting a clear boundary sends a different message: kids’ emotional safety matters.

Boundaries don’t have to mean permanent estrangement. They can be a framework for healthier interactions if adults are willing to reflect and change. But until that happens, your children’s wellbeing rightly comes first.

What do you think?
Have you had to set similar boundaries with older relatives to protect your kids? How did you handle the fallout — and did the family mend afterward? Share your experiences below 👇