AITA for telling my longtime friend I would never date him after he said he was a “better match” than my boyfriend?

Over lunch, my friend of ten years confessed he thought he deserved to date me more than my actual boyfriend—so I told him the truth about why I’d never choose him, and now he’s apparently “a wreck.”

I (21F) met up with my friend “Mark” (23M), whom I’ve known for a decade, after he asked to meet for lunch because he had something “important” to discuss. We talked casually at first, but then he cleared his throat and told me he didn’t understand why I was dating my current boyfriend when, according to him, he was “a better match.” When I asked what he meant, he listed reasons: he liked me first, met me first, is supposedly better-looking, taller, more successful, and knows me better. He even implied he’d been “waiting” for me all along. The irony is that my boyfriend actually works and comes from a stable background, while Mark’s entire lifestyle is paid for by his parents. I was stunned but asked if he wanted honesty—he said yes, so I gave it to him.

I told him the truth: I would never date him because of how he treats women, and now he’s spiraling and our friends say I’m the villain for “breaking him.”

I told him plainly that I’d never want to date him because of how he’s treated past girlfriends—ghosting them arbitrarily and expecting them to stick around anyway. I also said he’s too immature and irresponsible, and that his behavior was a big reason I slowly distanced myself from him. He went silent, excused himself, and left. Later that night, our other friends began messaging me, asking what I “did” to him because he was drinking and acting devastated. I explained exactly what happened, but they said I was harsh and had “broken him.” Honestly, I think someone had to tell him the truth.

"I would never want to date you because of how you treat women."

Since then, I’ve posted an update: I blocked Mark everywhere, along with the mutual friends who defended him. Other commenters pointed out that his behavior—entitlement, possessiveness, and the sudden emotional spiral—are red flags, and I’m realizing I may not have known him as well as I thought. I’m grateful for the support and for the reminder to trust my instincts when friendships start feeling off. Mark’s reaction, and the pressure from others, made me doubt myself, but reading through advice has helped me feel grounded again.

"He's always been around waiting for me."

I’m learning from this and taking it as a sign to set firmer boundaries sooner next time. Mark’s emotional collapse after hearing hard truths showed me that he wasn’t the friend I believed he was. For now, he’s out of my life, and I’m focusing on friendships that don’t come with entitlement or pressure disguised as loyalty.

🏠 The Aftermath

After leaving lunch abruptly, Mark spiraled emotionally and told mutual friends he was “a wreck,” which triggered accusations toward me before anyone even heard my side. Once I explained, some still claimed I was too harsh, while others quietly acknowledged his long history of mistreating women.

When I blocked him, along with the friends who guilted me, the situation calmed down. Behind the scenes, friends outside that circle laughed at his inflated self-image and supported my decision. Meanwhile, commenters from my update emphasized safety and boundaries, pointing out the entitlement and emotional volatility Mark showed.

I’ve since stepped back from Mark entirely, and the mutual friends who defended him are no longer part of my life. The fallout showed me which relationships were real and which were based on expectations I never agreed to.

"Someone thought ten years of friendship entitled him to a relationship—and melted down when told no."

It’s disappointing to lose a long-term friend, but also freeing to step away from someone who saw me as a prize instead of a person. The support I’ve received helped me realize my honesty wasn’t cruelty—it was clarity he didn’t want to hear.

💭 Emotional Reflection

This situation highlights how complicated long-term friendships can become when one person secretly sees the relationship as something more. While honesty can sting, it’s sometimes the only way to break through entitlement and unrealistic expectations.

Could my delivery have been softer? Probably—but softening the truth wouldn’t have changed the message. Mark needed to hear why I didn’t see him romantically, and I deserved the space to protect my peace when his reaction turned dramatic.

In the end, this raised bigger questions about boundaries, emotional maturity, and the hidden dynamics that can lurk under the surface of “friendships.” Letting go can hurt, but so can holding on to someone who was never really seeing you clearly.

Here’s how the community might see it:

“He didn’t want honesty—he wanted validation. You gave him reality instead.”

“Ten years of friendship doesn’t entitle him to date you. His meltdown proves you made the right call.”

“If he treats girlfriends badly and expected you to be different, that’s a huge red flag. Run.”

Most community reactions focus on his entitlement, your honesty, and the reality that friendships can shift when one person secretly views the other as an owed romance.

🌱 Final Thoughts

Honesty isn’t always pretty, but it’s necessary—especially when someone builds fantasies around a friendship. You set a boundary, told the truth, and protected your wellbeing.

Losing a friend hurts, but losing someone who never respected your choices might not be a loss at all. What truly matters is surrounding yourself with people who see you as a person, not a prize.

What do you think?
Was I too harsh, or was the truth exactly what needed to be said? Share your thoughts below 👇