AITA for leaving my inheritance to my first son and losing my younger son’s trust?
I left my late husband’s trust money to my eldest son, Adam, but my younger son, Ben, felt neglected and distanced himself. After years of silence and pain, the family is fractured—and I’m wondering if I made the wrong call.
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I was married young and lost my first husband to cancer shortly after our son Adam was born. His family left a trust for Adam, and I promised to protect it for him. Over time, my younger son Ben felt left out and distant as Adam received financial help, especially for college—I tried to support Ben, but he refused, and eventually cut contact with me.
I met my husband when we were both sixteen, married at nineteen when I was pregnant, and had Adam at twenty. Tragically, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just two months later and passed away six months after that. His parents, who had died in a car crash years earlier, had left a trust meant for Adam. My husband couldn’t update his will before he died, so I promised to keep that money for Adam until he turned eighteen.
"I promised him that I would leave the money to Adam in a trust that he could access when he turns eighteen."
The next years were tough as I struggled with alcoholism while my parents cared for Adam. I had another son, Ben, whom I credit with saving me when I finally quit drinking. I worked as a bus driver and tried to keep the family close. When Adam turned eighteen and accessed the trust, the money eased things. Without me saying a word, Adam offered to pay for Ben’s college, but Ben declined my help and chose to fund his education on his own.
"Ben told me he didn’t need my help, and no matter what I said, he wouldn’t change his mind."
Ben moved far away for medical school, and over time stopped replying to my messages. I recently learned through an old friend that Ben feels I only cared about Adam because of the trust. He asked me to stop contacting him and accused me of pretending to love him. This cut me deeply, and despite efforts to talk to my sister—who shared this with Ben—I’m still estranged from my son and the sister who inadvertently fueled the rift.
🏠 The Aftermath
Ben has cut off contact and moved across the country. The once close family is fractured, and I’ve been left to face painful accusations of favoritism and neglect.
My sister sided with Ben by sharing only part of the story, deepening the divide between us. Her husband told me to take responsibility for my choices rather than blame my sister, leading to tension and more distance.
Although I remain sober and try to heal, the loss of connection with Ben is the hardest consequence—not just for me but for our family as a whole.
"He said he was tired of me pretending to love him."
The trust that was meant to provide security ended up creating division, and I’m left wondering if my decisions, made with good intentions, were truly fair to both boys.
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